Family Ties That Bind, Term Paper Example

Incompatibility is the most usual compliant that enhances frustration in a family relationship. Most of the individual lives are highly complicated through these relationships. We are generally brought up in a family, which can affect the self-esteem, association with spouses, children and family members. As outlined by Richardson (2011), use of family origin therapy and techniques enable in creating better relationships. “Distancer”, as indicated by Richardson in Chapter-3, tends to move away and out of. They consider the personal relationship as most desirable but dangerous at the same instance. These individuals enter into relationships assuming for togetherness, but sometimes think- when they actually need it. Pursuers, on the other side, possess periods of high excitement followed by deepest blues. It is in general, a spike and wave phenomenon. In this scenario, pursuer appears to be impatient and needs everything to be finished at the same spot. By moving and thing fast about today, pursuers, unlike distancer, act as a family therapist. If wife is a distancer, she may possess enhanced waiting skills, often to the point of paralysis. She may move slowly and carefully, when compared to husband (pursuer) and thinks into future more effectively. Husband, as a pursuer, might take a chance, to try the new and actively develop programs for modifications. At some instances, he may also change for his own sake. Despite of characteristic issues, a distancer leads the life with a flat rhythm with flatness made of zero contribution and expectation life. Husband as a pursuer, can ultimately press on the reactive feelings of love as they do not enable other space in which to live. Marriage of oldest daughter with someone could make wife and husband to be weak. Whilst the distancers may reject the idea of fighting and arguing with their daughter, pursuers as active individuals involve in argument to obtain an immediate solution. They are open, appealing, attractive and impossible to sustain with.

Compliant Persons, according to Richardson Chapter-4, are different, when compared to the rebels (who say for example, I did it my way), the attackers (I am the king of the mountain) and cut-offs (who appear to be just “bye-bye” type). Complaint persons, lead their way of life for some people. These individuals fail in possessing the emotional and spiritual work of developing a loving, compassionate inner adolescent. The statements of Richardson, as these people operate in the form of wounded child in need of love, attention and compassion may be accepted in some spheres. Since, these persons have not learned to provide themselves, the needed attention and compassion, they seek to obtain this from others through complaining. These individuals utilise complaining just as a form of control, assuming to guilt others into providing them the attention, caring and compassion they actually seek. A person, who is completely addicted to complaining, cannot stop until he or she possess the inner work of developing an adult. They must be capable of providing themselves, the love, caring, understanding and compassion they need. As long as they perceive it to be another’s responsibility to be the adult for them and fill with love, they cannot undertake this responsibility for others. It may even pass on to other generations, depending upon the severity and extent of obtaining things.

It is much important for any individual to possess knowledge about who they are, what makes them unique, what are the values, physical and internal identity, how you see yourself in link to others, and personal goals. Realizing and knowing about personal identity enable individuals in realizing how others may see them. Awareness on these issues could enable individuals in taking effective decisions, which will assist as what individuals like to do. Understanding the values, internal identity, personality and character makes them unique. By focusing on internal positives, any individual can improve their self-esteem, character and status. Accepting the self and focusing on the position in relation to where you want to be could assist in enhancing standards and becoming competitive. Being goal directed necessitates an individual to be specific, measurable, achievable, and realistic and time targeted. This attribute features a major component of personal development. Presence of goal directing behaviour could assist an individual in providing a sense of purpose and aim. It also enables in capitalizing on the amazing powers with problem-solving skills. Setting and directing of goals influences the outcomes of in four different ways-Choice, Effort, Persistence and Cognition. However, this behaviour may exert little effect of individuals fail in visualizing the state of their performance in relation to the goal. Improper alignment of goals can lead to conflicts within the employing organisation. Both the organisation and individual may suffer with impaired performance. Another crucial drawback of goal directed behaviour is the inhibition of implicit learning. Nevertheless, this behaviour aid in support individual’s simple focus on an outcome with openness to exploration, understanding or growth.

Individual’s preference to thinking and feeling explains the underlying philosophy of how individuals are involved in making decisions. People with preference for thinking explore the logical explanations, cause-effect, if-then arguments and universal truths or myths. Feeling, on the other side, enables individuals in considering the impact of a decision upon the involved people. Thinking students, usually appear to enjoy arguments, whilst feeling ones witness trouble functioning in classrooms. Effective understanding of difference between thinking and feeling helps in resolving conflicts in a family and organizational setting.

Thinking is a competency to deal with data on the basis of its structure and function. Feeling involves dealing with the information on the basis of initial energetic condition and its associated interactions. Whilst individuals with thinking type, expose everything to logical analysis, feeling ones, easily pass on their own moods to others. The former plays attention on relatively cold and unemotional nature and latter focus on love and passion. Feelings are most unaltered forms of human expression, and thinking is highly altered by cultural regulations imposed on an individual. Feeling type individuals, can be often touchy, utilise emotional manipulation and possess interest in people and their perceptions. Individuals of this type, evaluate issues by ethics to decide upon bad or good. Such people also offer compliments to please people in an effective manner. Individuals of thinking types, evaluate things by intellect to make right or wrong decisions. These individuals possess complexities in talking about feelings and they do not like to clear up arguments or quarrels.

Individuals coming out from a fused family possess more temptation to expend more time with their biological children instead of adopted ones. Fused families can be defined as the ones where there is a father, a mother and their biological children together with two or more non-biological children. An important consideration in fused families pertains with the domestic chore allocation to the children so that they can aid in housework, training in being responsible members of the family. To ensure about the equal treatment of adopted and biological children, the needs associated to care should be considered. Any small differentiation should be skewed as discrimination in this perspective may cause deleterious consequences. An efficient way of minimizing this from ever happening is to rotate the duties amongst children over a period, say a week. With fused families, care needs to be taken not to shout more at children. Real dangers may be witnessed if the shouting persists more for adopted children than biological ones. Doing so, may cause the child in noticing differences. Best intervention in such cases, is the equal treatment of all. For the sake of good family relations, it is very important to be equally doable and friendly. If the individuals start to feel threatened by the fusion as an adolescent, they may rebel towards parents to get accustomed with the behaviour. The statement of “rebellion not being true independence” reflects the above strategy.

In a family relationship of over-functioning and under-functioning reciprocity, one individual of the pair, perform quite well in life, standing in happy contrast to the despair and dysfunction of the other.

Over functioning, completely involves doing more than the fair share. The classical characteristics of Over Functioning, being overly focused on other’s personal problems, offering frequent advice, performing things as a part of life’s responsibilities, feeling anger and neglecting self care, offer positive implications. Over functioning possess much significance in romantic relationships and it enables people in binding together by more than a single choice. However, at much deeper levels, over functioning may lead towards dependence and dominance. Over functioning in a family can offer considerable benefits. These include advice giving, performing things for others, responsible feelings, goal setting for themselves and others. Individuals with over functioning behaviour possess increased skills for communication as they involve more in talking than listening.

Under functioning, on the other side, offers independence, goal setting and responsible behaviours. Although both partners think over functioning is effective when compared to the other, this is not the actual case. This is the term utilised to explain about people who are less successful than the actual functioning person at completing roles, undertaking decisions and managing life issues. Under-functioners possess much potential and skill. They can be thought of undertaking 100% of responsibility for life. But, certain characteristics like relying on others to undertake decisions, self-sabotaging, making unwise career, relationships, parenting decisions, unmotivated, lazy and immature causes considerable complexities in families.

In a blended family with son extremely loving to hang out with dad and hating new wife, the relationship appears more disrupted and disturbed. Step mother may make mistakes and enable themselves in getting introduced to the child more quickly. Following the divorce with ex-wife, men think to marry and re-introduce a new person in the family. Presence of new parent completely crushes the dreams, causing the child to act out in a more serious manner. Similar situations will be witnessed with the female child of 10 years (having a step-dad). The best course of action in these situations is to first enable the relationship to develop without the presence of child. Once, the dad and step-mother or step-dad and mother, know that the relationship is moving towards a permanent arrangement, Dad must begin introducing the potential step-parent by conversation with child at times when they are alone. Usage of this method enables in becoming somewhat acquainted with parents and with who this individual is prior to meeting them. This also enables in making the initial meeting much more comfortable for both child and step parents.

References

Richardson, R. (2011) Family Ties that Bind: A Self Help Guide to Change Through Family of Origin Therapy. London: Self Counsel Press.