Anatomy of a Sex Addict, Research Paper Example

Introduction

The terminology ‘sex addict’ is used to define a person who has an extremely heightened sexual drive or who is highly motivated by the desire to have sex with another person. The obsession of having sex more than a person with a normal sexual desire dominates the sex addict’s thoughts to the point in which they are unable to concentrate on their daily work activities and are further unable to have and maintain healthy personal relationships they are involved with. Physicians and psychiatrists from the American Medical Association and their Canadian counterparts do not feel sexual addiction is an addiction but rather a ‘choice’, hence this is ‘not a disease’. Many societies think of sexual addiction as a weakness or obsession that can be cured using a twelve step program in which the addict admits their powerless to a higher power. This obsession is considered acceptable as long as the sex addict does not cross the line and commits a sexual molestation crime. Research shows that most sexual addicts do not commit the illegal crime of sexual molestation. The thesis of this research paper is to determine if sexual addiction is an actual addiction and to determine the best means to aid the obsessed addict to cease their addictive behavior. The goal is to help them to re-learn ways of coping to live a productive work and personal lifestyle.

Body of Paper

How many people do you think are sex addicts in the United States? The National Council on Sex Addicts reports 6-8% or approximately 20 million of our population are labeled as sex addicts. (Koerner, 2000). MSNBC and The Washington Post reports more than 4 million people visit pornographic internet sites over six hours per week. (Stanford/Duquesne Study, 2000). Further Stanford/Duquesne report over 200,000 is addicted to E-porn (2000). Strikingly the ratio of women addicted to pornography is 1:6, reported by Today’s Christian Woman. (2003). Dr. Robert Weiss states the word ‘sex’ is the number one searched word on the internet (2000). It is not surprising with these harsh statistics that many Americans are addicted to sex. Is it that sexual products are easily accessible to many or is it that many people are genetically pre-disposed to the addiction of sex? Do you believe as the American Medical Association states, “Sex is not an addiction, but rather a choice?” Sex addicts normally do not recognize they have a problem and if they are brought to take notice of their obsession they begin to blame their problem on others rather than taking a look at themselves. As with any addiction or obsession it is very difficult to take ownership of an addiction because with that ownership come issues of fear, shame and pain. No one wants to face the underlying feelings associated with an addiction. That is why it is extremely necessary for a sex addict to commence evaluation and counseling under the guidance of a certified specialist or a doctor.

Addicts are not afraid to take risks and their behaviors are often associated with illegal or criminal activities. Addicts often put themselves at risk for emotional or physical injury because of their risk taking along with jeopardizing their employment and personal relationships with their family, friends and significant others. Addicts have been known to be ‘self-destructive in all forms of their lives and often demonstrate remorse for their actions only after they have committed less than acceptable behavior. Some addicts have often stated that they simply cannot stop the addictive behavior.  Eventually the sex addict “begins to feel feelings of guilt and shame associated with his or her behavior.” (Perlman, 2007). Doctor’s often resort to medication used for depression such as Prozac or Anafranil in combination with therapy such as twelve step programs for addiction. It is through the combination of medication to slow down the obsessive thought processes and the counseling that the addicts are better able to understand why they act the way they do and be able to control their actions. Depending on the severity of their addiction will depend on what kind of counseling therapy will be recommended and whether the patient will be successful. The patient must come to grips with the fact they have an addiction first and foremost and want to receive help. Next they must understand the ‘root’ of their problem and agree to cease ‘all destructive behavior’ associated with their addiction at all costs. Many people find solace in God or any other higher power to help them through the initial difficult times when breaking the patterns of addiction. The following represent a typical twelve step program which is used to break any addiction including sexual addictions:

The 12 Steps

Step 1 – We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable

Step 2 – Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

Step 3 – Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God

Step 4 – Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

Step 5 – Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

Step 6 – Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

Step 7 – Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings

Step 8 – Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

Step 9 – Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

Step 10 – Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it

Step 11 – Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out

Step 12 – Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs (“The Twelve Steps to Recovery from an Addiction”).

The most pronounced behaviors associated with sexual addiction/obsession are: compulsive masturbation, multiple affairs, pornography use on a regular basis, sex without condoms, phone and computer sex on a regular basis, prostitution or  using prostitution for sex, the use of personal ad dating, stalking to watch others and sexual harassment and molestation.

The sex addict generally is not impressed with the sexual act. He/She forms no emotional bond with the person he/she is having sex with. Addicts eventually lose control over their addiction which may cause them to act out even further or with harsher behaviors which may lead to criminal or illegal behavior.

Sexual addiction is actually classified as a ‘disorder’. Dr. Patrick Carnes has treated many people with the disorder who often look back in their live and ask themselves the question, “Why would I do this stuff?” Becoming addicted to sex is the same psychological principle as becoming addicted to cigarettes, drugs or gambling. A counselor once said, “He used sex to stop other bad things in his life, hence he knew he had a problem.” (Morrison, 2004). Another person says he used sex to fill a hole of emptiness inside himself. Laser stated, “He started acting out and crossing the line by stealing magazines before he was a teen. When he met his girlfriend he thought things would change but they did not.” He still masturbated, looked at pornography and dreamed of doing so well into marriage.  (Morrison, 2004). Feree stated, “She was constantly attempting to get her non-sexual needs met through sex during her marriage. She stated she was sexually abused as a child and this lasted through two marriages. The sex filled the voids temporarily.” (Morrison, 2004).

We can see that sex addiction is not prejudice by any means for it goes to the heart of both males and females. Normally the addiction is at the heart of the child within that has been abused or that has not coped with life on life’s terms properly. Many times counselors begin with work on the ‘inner child’ to heal the scars from childhood so that the adult can move to the next stage of life as an adult emotionally. It is only then that the adult will be able to leave behind the scars from childhood and lead a respectable and addiction free lifestyle.

Conclusion

Nearly six percent of American has a sexual disorder. The ratio of women in the United States possessing the disorder is extremely high. Why do women have a higher tendency to possess the disorder than men? This is questionable to psychologists and medical doctors. Is this disposition genetic or psychological? Many doctors state it is a ‘choice’ of whether to possess the disorder or to practice sex addiction and women simply have more ample opportunities to find multiple partners. Further women find it more difficult to deal with emotions relating to abandonment during childhood than men do. Whether the addiction is a disorder or addiction it can be treated with medication and counseling and anyone possessing the disorder can learn new ways of behaving. This new learned behavior can be treated at the level of the ‘inner child’ foremost in order to help the addict heal the issues that seem to affect them and cause them to act out. Most people with sex addiction have this obsession due to a lack of love and affection by their parents, hence they seek out love and affection through various sex partners. They do not realize this is only a temporary fix to their problem. Twelve step programs are also useful in helping addicts to realize they have an obsession and turning their obsession over to a higher power or God. Once they complete this step they can work on the other steps which enable them to gain control over their lives instead of allowing their bad or hurt feelings to control their behaviors in life.

Works Cited

Maclean’s; 02/09/98, Vol. 111 Issue 6, p80, 1p, 1 Color Photograph

There appears to be no clearly defined addiction named sexual addiction. Sex addiction seems to be a choice rather than an addiction as proscribed by the American Medical Association and its Canadian counterpart. These resources do not find the addiction to be a ‘real’ addiction ‘in the medical sense’.

Lesbian News; Aug2001, Vol. 27 Issue 1, p29, 1/2p, 1 Color Photograph

Symptoms of sexual addiction appear to be manifestations with activities such as excessive or obsessive masturbation, intercourse with strangers or having many sexual partners. Sex appears to be like a drug to those who possess the addiction. Booklist; 9/1/2008, Vol. 105 Issue 1, p21-22, 2p

Cheever examines how those who are addicted to sex confuse love and lust. People who are sex addicts are often promiscuous and are addicted to drugs and alcohol.

Battling Sex Addiction Retrieved April 21, 2010 from, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4302347-MSNBC