Attraction, Romance and Love, Essay Example

Introduction

This paper examines the aspect of Attraction, Romance and Love from the psychological perspective.  Essentially how this human behavioural pattern relates to psychological stimulation and motivation.  People often talk of the chemistry being right between two people in order to stimulate physical attraction.  Research has indicated that this hypothesis has a degree of merit in terms of scent stimulating physical attraction.  This may lead to a romantic relationship but the concept of love implies true devotion and goes beyond the pure physical attraction.

The Biology of Attraction

There continues to be a chemistry or biological attraction between men and women.  One aspect of this relates to flirting. This is essential behavioural signals that a man or women pass between one another.  A woman may open her eyes wide and gaze at a man,  she may smile adoringly or a fleeting glance and then pretend not to notice. These e acts of flirting to encourage attraction of the other person.  A man may use postures or casual chat in order to gain attention.  Men may seek to posture with an athletic body .

The eyes are one of the most important means of courtship.  It has long been intimated that the eyes are the window to the soul.  As such they demonstrate the true personality of the person in terms of being kind, friendly, menacing or evil.  Man has evolved from Apes and the use of eye contact has evolved over a period exceeding 19 million years.  Women use fragrances and scents as a powerful means of being evocative and courting the attention of males.  In recent years men have equally learnt the allure of being clean shaven, use of deodorants and after shave as making them more desirable.  It has equally been believed that women have a higher nasal sensitivity and as such are drawn by the natural odours from men.

Early Marriage and Men

The first part of Ronald Levant’s book, “A new psychology of men”, focuses upon gender roles strains.  In the modern marriages we are seeing a lot of role reversal taking place.  The wife is going out to work and having a career, essentially the money earner, whilst the husband is staying at home looking after the kids and dealing with domestic chores.  Unless there is good synergy, communication and understanding in the marriage.  This can lead to a significant strain.  This is compounded with the role reversal occurred because the male partner lost his job.  The loss of the masculine role, and feeling of shame often leads to extramarital relationships.  In the new relationship, the mail seeks to reinsert his masculinity and reclaim the position he believed lost in his marriage.  All too often in these situations.  It is the children that suffer creating divided loyalties, confusion, and ultimately alienation. (Rowan, J. 2012).

There is no doubt that many young couples starting out on married life.  Need some degree of help in facing the challenges that lie ahead.  There is a bridge that needs to be built with recognition for the equality of women and the right to have a career, whilst being empathetic men in understanding their changing role.  Men need to find a greater balance in their life whilst communicating and supporting the wife; who after all is looking after the safety and interests of the family.  Marriage is essentially a partnership of mutual understanding, trust and working with each other, goals and objectives.  Those who can achieve the balance will survive the challenges to come.

Love and Marriage

Marriage is considered a social contract, primarily because the issues that are involved extend beyond the concerns of purely the particular individuals.  The children of the married couples are the future generations of which the whole society depends.  In essence, the termination of the marriage contract is either a legal consideration or by death.  In more modern marriages parties often seek legal contract terms that protect their financial assets i.e. in the event of separation or divorce.  These are often referred to as ‘premarital or prenuptial agreements’.  This type of arrangement is it’s often more common amongst wealthy or affluent couples, and second marriages.  (Sheriden, G. 2010).

Modern society poses numerous challenges upon a successful marriage.  One of the most demanding is that of financial hardship.  That might be brought on by a job loss or physical illness, leaving one’s spouse to cope with the problem.  This is often the situation where marital communications breakdown, when in fact it is the most important time for working as a team and communicating with one another.  Another important issue is the loss of self-image, where either weight gain or loss occurs.  [The concept of obesity or anorexic] this can lead to bouts of depression and subsequent illness.  Another factor is dealing with family relationships, and this is particularly trying in new marriages.  The concept of dealing with intervention and demands by in-laws, and having to deal with expectations that posed a strain on the marriage.  The concept of long-term illness, disability or major illness can impose a tremendous strain on the spouse who is working and equally having to look after their partner.

In general terms the challenges in marriage relate to living and existing.  The most import and aspect on survival in marriage is the ability to work as a team and communicate with one another.  In this way, you’re able to support one another and cope with most situations.  There is also the concept of trust and care between partners and betrayal of such can be very hard to recover.

Modern pressures on marriage have caused partners to ask the question I do not know why I married you merely because I loved you (Coontz, S. 2000) Ronald F. Levant is a psychologist at the University of Akron.  His position is that there is a crisis in masculinity, indicating that many men are in need of psychological advice.  In addition, he states that few men avail themselves of such advice.  Much of this appears to be related to a loss of connection with female partners.  It is the concept the changing role of women over the last 40 years, and the lack of compensate for changes in men’s roles.

Coontz maintains that: Whether it is valued or not, love is rarely seen as the main ingredient for marital success (Coontz, S, 2000). With tough economic times it is more a partnership of equals and the ability to create a family structure that will sustain both partners in terms of human survival and a foundation for stability in an ever changing ever moving world.  The definition of love however imposes certain value sets like loyalty, trust and honesty to one another, equity, a level of maturity and mutual co-operation.  These philosophies generally hold true regardless of culture or creed.  Perhaps this is one area where Coontz might explore in greater depth and consider the reactions of failure where such considerations are neither respected nor employed.  We have seen in the Islamic world where this has led towards increased resentment from subjugated females and the cry for greater levels of freedom.  The philosophical views in China stated:  you have only one family, but you can always get another wife. (Coontz, S, 2000).  An interesting slant considering the wife is not part of the family model.  Hence this does not satisfy the criteria for an enduring and lasting relationship.

Love and Masculine Gender Stress

The concept of male gender stress is created in men when they feel they are not meeting society’s expectations for masculinity.  It can be equally created when a situation forces the man to act  in a feminine role.  The stress that is brought about by these feelings is thought to have psychological implications.  Gender role stress is thought to have more negative psychological outcomes with men than that for women.  In particular, the stress is more related to factors of depression, hostility, and that of anxiety.  In 2008, a research study was conducted between the masculine gender role stress and  body change.  This was examined in a hundred and twenty nine  men aged between 18 and 40.  The results indicated significant relationships between the drive for muscularity and that of  fitness and disordered eating symptomatology.

The concept of gender role stress, illustrates that both women and men adopt different strategies to deal with the problem.  Men tend to focus on status and physical dominance in order to repress characteristics associated with femininity.  Research observations indicate that men in general terms tend to be more prone to anger and violence than that of women.  There is also evidence that suggests men and women differ in the emotional interpretation situations.  For men this is often situations associated with physical inadequacy or a feeling of being subordinate or intellectually inferior to women; this  being either at work or in home life.

The psychological implications relate to that of male dominance.  The appearance of muscle, or physical bulk is consistent with that of the male gender role.  Although research has confirmed the link between masculinity and muscularity psychological concepts underlying the link are still unclear.  Men who experience high levels of male gender stress very often turn to substance abuse in order to manage the insecurity of the male role expectation.  This often manifests itself in verbal and physical abusive  behaviour.  Research is being conducted between the various income groups relative to male and female.  Early results indicate male low income groups tend to lean more towards this type of behaviour.  Hence, the concept of insecurity and inadequacy to that of the female gender.

Love and Rising Social Status of Women

A recent article appeared in Forbes Magazine that sparked off a round of controversy.  In essence the article cautioning the male population to stay away from career women. In order to support the statement it quoted a recent Social Science research study. Research studies suggest that women are more prone to divorce and have a tendency to cheat on their husbands. Equally they are less happy about having children where it interferes with career plans.  An interesting point of view but in itself is insufficient to constitute a final verdict.  Most marriages are built upon strong foundations and these are normally formed in the first 5 years.

Certainly having Children too early in a marriage is not a good proposition until these foundations have been securely laid.  Elizabeth Corcoran wrote a counter argument in Forbes illustrating the female point of view.  She went on to say that she has been happily married for 18 years.  The important point that Elizabeth makes is the teamwork concept, having complimentary interests and skills, with less overlap, there is less competing.  Equally there is greater recognition for each other’s skills and attributes.

Perception of others is another point that puts social pressure on both parties.  For example where a man stays at home to look after the children whist his professional wife becomes the main income earner.  The man gains feedback from other males at work similar to that of Todd in the following example:  it is the concept that when women remain at home they are classified as homemakers; however men are considered to be unemployed lazy people. (Browne, K. 2009). This essentially can result in loss of self-esteem in the men and can often drive them into external relationships or affairs where they attempt to re The counter side of this is that the professional working woman often finds other male peers that become more attractive that the domesticated partner at home.  This can be intensified if the partner at home becomes angry, resentful and bitter towards his role in life.  You have the beginnings of a downward spiral and one where the children are unwilling participants and suffer as a result.  Children are intelligent and quickly recognize the social problems emerging, particularly when one or both parents start having affairs outside of the marriage.  Whilst ultimately the parents tend to go on and lead new lives with other partners, the damage to children can be immense and can result in psychological problems that will remain with the children for the rest of their lives.

Conclusions

In a lot of cases what gets quickly forgotten is the sanctity of marriage and the pledge that was made between both partners consenting to marriage.  It was never intended to be easy but a means of two people forming a bond where the sum of the parts is greater than the individual. There are a number of attributes that make for a successful marriage and these have to be endured by both parties.  It is not just a question of simple love that can be all too fleeting. The early foundations of marriage require : good communications – talk openly and honestly to one another at all times, have a mutual respect for one another,  solve life’s problems as a team – learn to trust and work together, never betray trust, it can prove very difficult to regain,  be prepared to compromise, be there for one another always!  If the foundations are there, then the rest can be built slowly over time. The recent recession and unemployment has imposed tremendous strains on young people. This particularly where there is loss of employment, mounting debts, too heavy reliance on credit cards.  The impossibility of getting mortgages due to a poor credit rating.  It is all too easy to walk away and try to start a new life somewhere else.  Both partners have to recognise the signs, be prepared to talk about the situation, seek help from close family and friends.

References

Browne, K. (2009). Social Pressure. Retrieved 12 2, 2011

Coontz, S. (StepanieCoontz.com, 2012). The Radical Idea of Marrying for Love. Retrieved 2 2, 2012

Rowan, J. (2012, 7 23). A new psychology of men. Retrieved from Achilles Heel: http://www.achillesheel.freeuk.com/br20_2.html

Sheriden, G. (2010). How to write a marriage contract. Retrieved 2 2, 2012