Bipolar Disorder and Marriage, Research Paper Example

Abstract

Bipolar disorder, a mental illness also known as manic depression and characterized by violent mood swings, ruins 90 percent of marriages in which one of the partners has bipolar. The survival of such family is rare yet possible if both partners are ready to commit despite the disease. Commitment in this case means acceptance of the situation and of the partner, building awareness of the symptoms and behavioral patterns of the ill person, learning to take care of oneself (this refers to both the ill person and the caregiver who risks losing his / her identity caring for the other), and planning in advance. It is important that the families receive professional help like psychoeducation workshops where they will learn some of the survival strategies.

Bipolar disorder is a treatable mental disease characterized by extreme changes in mood, thought, energy and behavior. Formerly known as manic depression, bipolar disorder involves swings of mood between “poles” – mania (highs) and depression (lows). More than two million adult Americans suffer from bipolar disorder with roughly equal numbers of men and women. Bipolar disorder usually starts in late adolescence but can also begin in early childhood or later in life. While men are most likely to begin with a manic episode, women tend to start with a depressive one. The illness is believed to be hereditary. Like depression and any other serious illness, bipolar disorder can have a ruinous affect on spouses, partners, family members, and co-workers.

Depending on the patterns and severity of symptoms, several types of bipolar disorder are classified (bipolar I, bipolar II, and cyclothymic disorder). The symptoms are divided into mania and depression symptoms. Mania symptoms may include increased physical and mental activity and energy, heightened mood, exaggerated optimism and self-confidence, usually combined with excessive irritability and aggressive behavior. At this stage, sufferers might experience decreased need for sleep without distinct fatigue and increased sexual drive. They are often involved in reckless behavior. Depression symptoms, in contrast, comprise prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells. The appetite and sleep patterns change drastically. Sufferers are irritable, irate, anxious and agitated. They are pessimistic and weak. The feelings of guilt and worthlessness hound them. They think of death and suicide recurrently.

It goes without saying that the erratic behavior of a person swinging from mania to depression can shake the foundation of a marriage. In the United States and Canada, at least 40 percent of all marriages fail irrespective of whether they involve an ill spouse or not. The diagnosis of a lifelong, life-threatening illness can scare a partner away. Actually, 90 percent of marriages involving a person with bipolar disorder end in divorce. Only the tiny minority are stories of success and recovery in this case. However, the success here is not irrational luck; it is a result of devoted contribution by both spouses. None of the couples affected by bipolar disorder in one of the partners are able to have smooth and untroubled lives. They all admit to having or to having had rocky times, but they did not give up and with counseling, love, and acceptance of the illness, they have not only stayed together, but have also grown stronger as a couple.

As soon as one of the couple is diagnosed bipolar, the immediate reaction of the other is usually sympathy. However, this is where the first trap lies. In fact, caring for someone with a serious physical illness can appear less exhausting than caring for someone with a mental illness. When a spouse is helping a mate with a physical illness, he / she usually is met with gratitude. In case of bipolar disorder, the situation may be quite the reverse. At first, people tend to deny their diagnosis and claim they can cope on their own. They are unwilling to comply with medication and treat their sympathetic spouses like enemies. Consequently, the well spouse feels rejected and unrewarded, moving from sympathy to anger, frustration, and even hate.

Still, provided the well spouse can move through these times, he / she is likely to build acceptance of both the situation and his / her partner. The well spouse has to review the prospects and expectations and often abandon the idea of perfect family life as they used to picture it. After that, love and compassion come to replace the painful emotions at a new level of understanding.

Apart from the emotional burden, the well partner often has to face the necessity to be the only provider for the family. Moreover, it often appears impossible to share the job of raising children and household chores. The combined task of earning for the family, caring for children, doing the household chores and trying to deal with a bipolar spouse is extremely exhausting.

It is paramount that couples receive professional help and counsel in this situation. What the caregivers need is professional psychoeducation. Both long-term courses and brief workshops have been designed to help caregivers struggle through the stress of their relationships. One of the examples is “family survival” workshop – a one-day program developed collaboratively by researchers at Washington University and the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) of St. Louis. The approach which the workshop is based on views all family members including the one with the illness as capable partners in the intervention process. Specialists stress the importance for the ill partner to assume responsibility to help him/herself and for the well partner to understand that he / she is not alone in the struggle against disease. Although during severe manic and depressive periods the ill individual may be temporarily unable to control themselves, they should try and remain self-sufficient during periods of wellness. Unless the patient assumes the responsibility for himself, even the most patient and loving well spouse is unlikely to be able to continue giving unconditional love and managing healthcare procedures without any result or reward. Spouses must reciprocate their efforts. For the bipolar spouse, assuming responsibility and caring for him/herself means a contribution to the marriage. The experience also alleviates the feeling of guilt for putting too much burden on the other spouse. This contribution may involve thins as simple as regular exercising, eating right, taking medication on regular basis etc.

Another important issue is planning ahead together. Instead of fearing the next attack of the illness, successful couples use periods of wellness to prepare for them. This is the time to manage financial issues, for example, open up accounts in the well spouse’s name for all expenses since a person in a state of mania may easily wipe out joint checking and savings accounts leaving the family with no money for groceries and mortgage payment. Emotionally, it may be helpful to write down in advance a list of symptoms that can be exhibited by the bipolar spouse in the grip of mania or depression. Both spouses can agree at what point help such as hospitalization should be sought. This approach allows emotions to be taken out of the equation, if the bipolar spouse refuses help during the attack.

Another essential measure to be taken by spouses is setting boundaries for commitment. Many caregivers start feeling that their own identities are being buried – they are losing themselves. Moreover, their health may start to deteriorate under the burden. Sometimes the relationships with other family members and friends begin to suffer. Spouses must learn to draw a boundary line, or risk losing themselves. However, in doing this they should still be flexible as a steady boundary line is unsuitable for the unpredictable situations caused by mental illness. Sometimes it is advised that people do the emotionally counterintuitive thing and withdraw. Spouses must first learn to care of themselves before they can take care of others. The well partners must have some activities that would help them regain identification. It might be a favorite job, doing an educational course which is not connected with the illness or just a hobby.

Conclusion

A bipolar disorder is a serious mental illness which is lasting yet treatable. As it involves severe swings of mood from hyperactivity and enthusiasm, often irrational and aggressive, to depression and unwillingness to live, it cannot but affect marriages. According to the statistics, 90 percent of marriages involving a bipolar spouse end in divorce. However, with appropriate counseling and determination to improve the situation and stay together on both parts, couples may learn to control the disease and build healthy and happy relationships on the new grounds.

It is essential that both spouses accept the fact that things will not continue as they used to be and the couple is unlikely to live their perfect family life.  Both the caregiver and the ill partner must contribute to preserving their marriage. The ill partner must learn to care about him/herself, thus alleviating the burden on the well partner. The well partner must learn to set reasonable boundaries in caregiving and have some personal space; otherwise, he / she risks losing him/herself. Both partners must learn about the possible symptoms and work out methods of dealing with them instead of being beaten by them.

References

Bergen, M. (1999). Riding the roller coaster: living with mood disorders. Kelowna, B.C.: Northstone Pub.

Pollio, D.E., North, C.S., Reid, D.L., Miletic, M.M. & McClendon, J.R. (2006). Living with severe mental illness – What families and friends must know: Evaluation of a one-day psychoeducation workshop. Social Work, 51, 32-37.

Roberts, M. (2007). Beating the Marriage Odds. Retrieved April 18, 2009, from http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=41636&lstid=275