Children and Diabetes – a Reflection, Essay Example

I enjoyed writing Children and Diabetes. I utilized the Freestyle strategy to write this essay, as I found it to be very helpful in getting all my thoughts down, regardless of order, then reorganizing them as I wrote the essay. The Freestyle strategy was very effective in that I did not feel constrained by grammar and punctuation as I wrote the initial draft, and therefore, was able to be more creative.  I also believe that I was able to capture more of my thoughts, as I could stop midstream, jot down the idea, then come back to my original thought.

In using the Freestyle strategy, I learned that good writing is steered by good research.  In discussing the differences between Types 1 and 2 diabetes, I first started by reading articles on the topic, then writing my thoughts on them.  Once I organized my thoughts, I found that they very much correlated with the information I read, and that there was less chance of me using someone else’s thoughts as my own.  The one limitation to Freestyle pre-writing is that I found it difficult to cut information that I thought interesting, but was not entirely relevant to the topic. The next time I use this strategy, I will leave more time for editing and revision.

My purpose in writing the Children and Diabetes essay was to discover whether childhood obesity was the cause of diabetes in children. My target audience was people who are unfamiliar with diabetes, and its relationship to childhood obesity.  The main point of my essay was to identify the cause of diabetes and how it can be managed.  Upon completion of it, I wish the reader to understand that childhood obesity is not a “diabetes sentence”.

As I peer reviewed, I looked for passion and authenticity: did the author care about the topic and did she believe what she wrote.  I learned my peer is intelligent, and has a deeper care and consciousness of the world than I ever realized. I also discovered that I am a compassionate person who likes to give good feedback. The peer review process made me consider reworking my essay from a more personal point of view.  It could have been more powerful if written in the first person.

I decided to revise my essay to focus more on how obesity does not cause diabetes.  This placed more responsibility on the child and parents to make better choices – exercise and nutrition.[i] These revisions gave the audience hope and a defined plan on how to change the current state of affairs.  I believe my revised draft is more powerful and persuasive than my first because it is more personal.  In revising my essay, I learned that in presenting the same information with a different focus I could make more impact on my audience.

The strongest aspect of Children and Diabetes is that Type 2 diabetes is a manageable illness. The weakest aspect of my essay is how the stress that occurs in children and their families due to childhood obesity may be managed. My greatest challenge in writing this piece was to minimize the number of references used, as I found many interesting facts in articles I would have liked to include, but was limited by page restrictions. In the next essay assignment I will use a more formalized writing strategy so I may plan how to use as many interesting details as possible.

I learned many things in writing this essay. I learned that I like to do research about topics that have the potential to help many people.  I did not realize how simple the relationship between Type 2 diabetes ad childhood obesity was until it was time to educate an audience. I learned that my peers are very interesting, and their passion sparked my passion which taught me that writing can be inspiring.

[i] “Childhood Obesity and Diabetes: Two Sides of the Same Coin” TIME Magazine Online http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1984938,00.html