Children & Funerals, Essay Example

In the United States alone, a significant number of children experience the death of an immediate family member or loved one. As a result, many are researcher the grieving process that children go through and have come to the conclusion that it is unlike the process that adults go through. Many families grapple with the question of whether or not to allow a child to attend the funeral for deceased loved one; while others try to determine at which age is a child capable of mentally handling attending a funeral. Consequently, families should be very selective when deciding to allow children to attend funerals. Many factors should be taken into consideration-was the death unexpected, is the death due to murder or suicide, or had the person lived a long, productive life. Often funerals for person who died unexpectedly, untimely, or as the victim of an act of violence are categorized by high emotions and loud outbursts of uncontrollable grief. Children handle death differently from adults. Often children express fear about attending funerals and should never be forced to attend. When the person who died was an immediate family member, mother or father, the grieving process may prove much more difficult. When children display prolonged grieving symptoms, professional help may be required to help them cope with the loss. Having small children attend funerals should be contemplated seriously because small children often don’t really understand death because of their developmental stage, personality, and the environment in which they are growing up.

They way in which children deal with the death of a love one is dependent upon many factors. In the United States between 1989-2005, one and a half million children experienced the death of an immediate family member which resulted in a change of living arrangements for the child (Kirwin&Harmin, 2005). A great proportion of this number was children under the age of eight years old. First, the developmental stage of a child will affect how he/she copes with death. For example, younger children may have been told about death, but are unable to understand that death means the person is never coming back. Some parents choose to tell children that when a person dies that he/she is sleeping or in heaven with God etc.  Bowlby warns parents against using figures of speeches like these because children may begin to fear sleeping themselves because of their definition of sleeping (Bowlby, 1980). Because small children are unable to mentally understand death, they are unable to communicate their feelings about death and respond to the emotions that may be directly linked to those feelings (Christ, 2000).

After dealing with the death of a family member, children need to be in an environment where adults are knowledgeable about the complex emotions they are experiencing. According to research, children need to be in an open environment where they are free to ask questions and gain an understanding about death (Holland, 2004   ). Discussing the death of a loved one may be difficult for adults, especially when the death is unexpected, but studies show that children need to know that the person has not been forgotten about (Holland, 2004). For example, parents are encouraged to look in photo albums with children and discuss memories of the lost loved one. Many adults believe that children are better able to handle the death of a loved one than adults and that their grief will gradually disappear. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Consequently, many suggest minimizing unnecessary stressful events as much as possible. As a result, some psychologists recommend not allowing the child to attend the funeral (Holland, 2004).

A child’s social development and social aspects influence the way in which he/she copes with the death of a loved one. When adults act as if the nothing has happened or as if the person did not exist, makes coping more difficult for the grieving child. Social stigmas are attached to death in some cultures as are rituals. Some cultures have a designated grieving process or a time limit upon which one must grieve. This can be exceptionally difficult for children because their grieving process may not take place for days or weeks after the actual event. A great tactic for grieving children is to be in contact with other children who have suffered the loss of a loved one. Many children expressed that being with other children , being able to verbalize their grief, crying alone, or even being able to say the person’s name were comforting to them ( Christ, 2000 ). Adults tend to want the child’s life to return to normal as soon as possible. Their attempt to keep things normal often makes the child feel angry that they are being forced to forget that loved one. Both children and adults need assistance to endure the grieving process. Each grieving process is a unique one.

Attending funeral of loved ones is an unnecessary stressful event that small children should not have to endure. Grieving is a difficult experience for adults who fully understand the concept; the grieving process is far more difficult for children who do not understand the concept of death. Often adults use figures of speech to explain death that can further confuse small children. Small children are just not mentally developed enough to handle the emotional stress that attending the funeral of a loved one can place on them. Some cultures have funeral and grieving rituals that make the process more difficult for children. Millions of children in the United States have suffered the loss of a love one in recent years. Astonishingly, children do not experience mental health issues as a direct link to grief as do adults. Many factors influence the grieving process that children go through.

Works Cited

Bowlby, J. (1980). Loss: Sadness and depression (attachment and loss). New York: Basic Books.

Christ, G.H. (2000). Impact of development on children’s mourning. Cancer Practice, 8(2), 72-81.

Holland, J. (2004). Should children attend their parent’s funerals? Pastoral Care in Education, 22(1), 10-14.

Kirwin, K.M. & Hamrin, V. (2005). Decreasing the risk of complicated bereavement and future psychiatric disorders in children. Journal of child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing, 18(1), 62-78.