Daring Greatly, Essay Example

I agree with the sentiments that “vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences.” We all have had some experience with vulnerability and hurt while growing up, whether it is by our family, our friends, and our teachers. Either way, each of us had to learn that when you share parts of yourself with others and allow yourself to be vulnerable, you run the risk of being mocked, betrayed, or insulted. From these early experiences with vulnerability and all the experiences after, we have formed our ideas on what vulnerability means and how to protect ourselves from it. But what many people do not understand is that vulnerability is the key to living the courageous, impactful lives that so many of us seek. Without vulnerability, we cannot try new things, fall in love, share our passions and work, or even come up with innovative ideas, or. The truth is that we cannot be vulnerable and live greatly without the pain that seems so closely related to it. No matter what we do, there will always be people trying to knock us down a notch to push themselves up. There will always be there a group of individuals who think that whatever we are doing is wrong or stupid or that we are not capable or good enough. Despite all this, we must learn techniques to fight off this shame and continue to be courageous, knowing that we truly are good enough. Through this, we lead wholehearted lives; through this, we dare greatly.

Real-life Experiences and the Role of Vulnerability

Getting a transfer from University of Mississippi to Lake Forest College to me was the right decision without hesitations. However, the experience was the most traumatic and emotionally draining. I had to deal with social anxiety since my ability to function properly in the new set up was completely impaired. Starting all over having previously been in a school of over 20,000 students was not easy. The current institution that I joined had 1699 students with a close clique group and this to a greater extent affected my transition process. I had excess level of stress and inhibition of interactions with the social settings which was primarily involving my assessment and attention. In most cases, I felt like everyone was observing me and therefore I was typically afraid. Most of the rooms were full of students who were new to my face and this affected my presentation in front of the class because I doing not have friends to relate with. I also found it difficult speaking to my professors since most of the time I would panic when nearing them, and this meant that I was unable to consult them academically which was dangerous for me in terms of academic work. No one told me what to expect emotionally. The one thing I noted was that I was under deep pressure to act normal as if nothing was happening to me. However, I reflected on my condition which seemed to be traumatic and emotionally draining day by day and realized how important it is to be true to myself and not worry about the judgment of society. These personal conflicts and stressors combined with emotional draining made me vulnerable and susceptible to other stressors. In these instances, some individuals may be tempted to bury the resulting negative emotions to continue with their life. When such emotions are suppressed, they may re-emerge years – or decades – later, requiring healing. The process of healing long after the pain is difficult and more painful than the process of healing immediately after pain. This is why it is important to address them when you are most vulnerable to emerge from stress with courage and confidence.

The phrase “vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage” makes sense since vulnerability is being naked and open to being attacked but choosing to be courageous anyway. The book does an excellent job at differentiating attention seeking and over-sharing from real vulnerability. Vulnerability is not sharing everything with everyone all the time and it is not sharing even when no one cares. Those kinds of sharing are attention seeking or caused by desperation and depression. “Vulnerability without boundaries leads to disconnection, distrust, and disengagement.” People, I included, believe all these myths about what vulnerability is. We believe that vulnerability is a weakness, that it’s something that we can choose not to partake in, and that it’s telling everyone everything until they cannot stand to hear it anymore. Vulnerability is feeling your emotions, being exposed, being uncertain, and taking risks, even if things could turn out badly because that is what leads to wholeheartedness. It’s also not sharing for the sake of sharing; it’s a vulnerability to the people you care about and who care about you or vulnerability for the sake of sharing an idea and making a difference. We are vulnerable when we fall in love, even though they might hurt us. We are vulnerable when we share our art, our writing, and our ideas, even when others might hate them and shoot them down.

The decision to transfer from University of Mississippi to Lake Forest College was characterized by susceptibility and vulnerability. It made me experience panic and fear. I felt like I was in secluded and lonely. Failure to act swiftly would have resulted to me getting broken since I suffered from stress, anger, anxiety, or depression. You become ‘emotionally toxic’ much like someone with a broken heart. To heal, reduce the stress and become happy, it is important to let these things happen; and become vulnerable then use the vulnerability to gain courage in facing life again.

Under this condition, one becomes vulnerable without question. Brown shares in this idea that such a situation puts you at a far greater risk or uncertainty of feeling hurt or getting criticized. This, according to Brown is the opportunity to step back and examine your life and come to terms with the situation. An individual will realize that nothing is as uncomfortable, hurtful, and dangerous as reviewing yourself and confirming your worst fears. At this point, you ‘Daring Greatly’ and use the vulnerability to let your real strength and courage be seen. You cannot wait until you are perfect for attacking the situation, because perfect does not exist. Waiting wastes your opportunity and time for recovery and denies you happiness at the time when you need it and as you go forward with your life. While healing, one can choose ‘safe heaven,’ or an anchor, on which to base their healing. With a transfer to a new institution, you can anchor your strength on patience and begin to interact and make friends day by day. This way you can have a backup for your efforts on healing.

When trying to feel less stressed and countering your vulnerability to your situation, mindful acceptance of your inner experiences is the best strategy. This is the ability to accept negative thoughts and emotions without judging them. Stressors, for example panic and daily pressures causes anxiety and depression, with worried or self-critical thoughts. This may result in judging yourself for having the insecure thought or negative mood – and seeing it as a weakness. During these situations, all you need to do is mindfully accept these inner thoughts, feelings, and experiences as temporary states, which come and pass. This way, she says you will avoid prolonging and exacerbating their impact.

The idea of ‘Daring Greatly’ as floated by Dr. Brown can be easily related to mindful acceptance, which is a great way of coping in stressful situations like in my situation. Acceptance involves perceiving the experience or the vulnerability and acknowledging it instead of judging it as bad or well. Acceptance is not resignation because resignation means giving up, yet when dealing with certain situations giving up is not the best thing. Acceptance allows one to live in the experience and know all its perceived explanations without having to judge.

Acceptance refers to experiencing vulnerability from moment to moment. For example, when feeling the pain of anxiety, people often respond to the natural reaction to avoid the feeling. Avoiding the feeling is only sensible because the unpleasant sensation of mental pain, which you can ignore or even distract you from to avoid the discomfort. But avoidance only works in the short term. In this situation acceptance, just like ‘daring greatly,’ will help you to stop fighting with the moment-to-moment experience and removes denial, criticism or blame. Acknowledging the vulnerability (feeling, sensation or thought) and going into it, changes the experience.

My perspective on the concept of “vulnerability” is based on the reservations that I had previously. The big reservation that I had about reading this book beforehand was that I was worried that it would say that we need to be completely vulnerable all the time and we need to share our emotions with everyone to do it openly. I am not a fan of people who over share or those who talk about their emotions to get attention. Of course, this is probably a reflection of my issues with vulnerability, but I know I am not the only one who feels this way about over-sharing and attention seeking. Brown says, “When we spend our lives pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable or from being perceived as too emotional, we feel contempt when others are less capable or willing to mask feelings, suck it up, and soldier on.” I think this is what I was doing.  I have been raised in a family that is open to conversation, and they are so supportive and accepting, but we also do not talk about our issues unless it’s necessary, they are our own to deal with. And I like that about myself, I like that I do not want to be dramatic and open all the time, I think it’s admirable, so I did not want this book to convince me that I needed to. I did not. It is important to note that different people are all unique in one way or the other. The uniqueness is also evident in how individuals experience vulnerability. Not everyone has the same feeling to dare greatly. Some people fear being emotionally exposed while some people love to talk about their emotions. However, it is important to know that vulnerability does not control decisions; it only guides them. Our goals in life can be different, but they all merge at the ‘door of happiness.’ Happiness is the outcome of vulnerability through an open and out wide mind.

Our culture of scarcity and comparison is holding us back from experiencing total wholeheartedness. “The greatest casualties of a scarcity culture are our willingness to own our vulnerabilities and our ability to engage with the world from a place of worthiness.” These feelings of scarcity and comparison come from our deeply rooted shame – the enemy of vulnerability. Shame is not thinking we’ve done something wrong or bad; it thinks that we are wrong or bad. Shame is a fear of disconnection, of not being good enough to be worthy of love and belonging. Shame is the little thoughts that creep into our heads when we doubt ourselves. And shame is at its worst when we choose to be vulnerable, and we attach our worth to our art, our body, our idea, or whatever it is that we are presenting. If we present something to the world, no matter what it is, there are going to be some people who do not like it. And because of their shame and need to make them feel better, they may voice these opinions and hurt us. If we continue to base our self-worth on the acceptance of our work, we become “prisoners of ‘pleasing, performing, and perfecting'” or we stop presenting our ideas. So, our job is to learn shame resilience so that when we are faced with this criticism and hurt, we know that it is not indicative of our self-worth and we can be courageous and put ourselves out there again. And this criticism and shame do not only come from the words of others, we learn to shame ourselves as we get older, so when we have doubts about our work, we even have to fight our thoughts to remain courageous, compassionate, and connected, maybe even more than before. When we are shame resilient, we can be confident and vulnerable and to truly live the wholehearted “daring greatly” lifestyle that so many of us desire so much.

The first instance of gratitude I practice in my daily life is volunteering to clean the church before an event. This act always makes me feel useful and brings me inner peace and happiness. Being a member of a church makes me feel contented and improves my attitude towards normal activities, as well as impacting positively on my emotional feelings by promoting a feeling of usefulness.

I offer gratitude through volunteering to teach a group of children ice skating since I am good at it. This act is usually scheduled for the second Saturday of the month, and being that I am always free on Saturdays, I have always thought of giving back to society through doing what I love. This act makes me feel happy. First, ice skating is my hobby and second, spending it with children playing around is fun and fulfilling.  This act helped boost my emotions, and it promotes a sense of responsibility because guiding the children on what to do and helping them become what the desire is a responsibility. I am grateful to have met the children because we are friends up until now. I am also grateful that I got to know the innocence that still lies in the world through the way the children view the world and the hard work they put into fulfilling their dreams.

I also demonstrate the act of gratitude by taking part in environment cleaning events. These events involve voluntary activities which are undertaken during free times. Taking part in environment cleaning events makes me have a feeling of responsibility for all the practices in the community and taking care of my environment has ever since been my priority because I know how physically appealing a clean environment it and what it takes the keep it clean. Psychologically, the act is an improvement of daily life, and emotionally it makes me feel an attachment to my environment.

I also show gratitude by helping the sick and the elderly in health facilities. I buy a few stuff including fruits and other foods for them, clean their rooms and wash their clothes. I also involve myself in keeping them company and interacting with them for the rest of my time there. I feel grateful that to be a part of t people’s lives and understand their needs and fears during those times of their life, this makes me look at the world differently. Precisely, there are no missed opportunities in my life to cultivate gratitude.

We are living in a world today that humans would never have even imagined a couple of decades ago. Technological advances are growing faster than they ever have, we are more connected than we have ever been before, and it seems the future brings unlimited possibilities. But we also live in a world where terrorist attacks, school shootings, and natural disasters are at great levels. And we are connected in a way over social media and technology that, although originally the idea must have been with good intent, has created a culture of fake perfect lives, cyber bullying, and worth being determined by the number of likes, follows views, or subscribers someone has. Although many people choose to displace themselves from this lifestyle, most of us are constantly putting our lives, or at least the best parts of them, on display on social media. This is increasingly true of the younger generations who have lived with this their whole lives, and who are getting phones and Instagram earlier and earlier. This has caused many people to wonder and ask if this culture of showing how great we are is causing children to grow up more narcissistic than the generations before them. Many researchers argue that the rate of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is greatly increasing, and this is the catch-all to the problems in our society. Some also argue that to fix these selfish egomaniacs we should knock them down of their high horses and show them that they are not special. But Brown argues that the true basis for this narcissistic society that we have formed is the shame. “Shame is more likely to be the cause of these behaviors, not the cure.” So where does this shame come from? And what can we do to fix it?