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Definition Marriage, Essay Example

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Marriage

The Oxford English Dictionary defines marriage as, “The condition of being husband and wife; the relation between persons married to each other; matrimony” and has throughout history been used to define a union solely between a man and a woman. More recently that definition has been called into question as same-sex couples seeking to enjoy the same benefits of marriage other couples do, legal and otherwise, look to get married. Taking a closer look at the word ‘marriage’, its history and etymology, and the many definitions it has taken on in different times and places, leads me to agree more with Confucius’s age-old definition of marriage than to the more formal, OED definition. Confucius said:

Marriage is the union of two different surnames, in friendship and love, in order to continue the posterity of the former sages, and to furnish those who shall preside at the sacrifices to heaven and earth, at those in the ancestral temple, and at those at the altars to the spirits of the land and Grain (Wikipedia).

Perhaps this definition is a little more deep and a little more spiritual than I am but it seems to get more to the point – that marriage is a union, in love and friendship, between two people, whoever they may be, looking to reap the benefits of a life-long commitment to one another.

While it has not always been stated, it has always been inferred that marriage applied only to a man and a women. Going back to 1891, the Black’s Law Dictionary defined marriage as, “thecivilstatusofonemanandonewomanwho are unitedinlawforlife,forthedischargetoeachotherandthecommunityofthedutieslegallyincumbentonthose whoseassociationisfoundedonthedistinctionofsex.” Marriage is a legal contract and with it come many benefits, both legal and practical. Married couples are able to file income taxes jointly, receive government benefits including social security, Medicare, and disability benefits for their spouses, obtain insurance benefits through a spouse’s employer and take family leave to care for your spouse during an illness, make medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment, receive child or spousal support, and live in neighborhoods zoned for ‘families only’, to name just a few (Nolo: Law for All). Conversely, same sex or others denied the right to marry are often times denied those rights. So, for instance, same-sex couples, even if there are children involved, may not file joint federal income tax returns with their partner and other federal benefits, such as Social Security death benefits and COBRA continuation insurance coverage, may not apply.

According to the OED, the modern English word “marriage” derives from Middle English mariage, which first appeared circa 1250-1300 CE and is likely derived from Old French marier (to marry) and before that, Latin maritare (to marry) and maritus (of marriage). Over time it has evolved to match societal views. For example, for the larger part of American history, interracial couples were not allowed to marry, reflecting the sentiments of society regarding race at the time. Up until 1967, when the Supreme Court ruled in Loving vs. Virginia that is was unlawful for states to restrict interracial couples from marrying, many states had laws contrary to the ruling (Wolfson, 87). At that time, the Civil Rights Movement was at its strongest, causing Americans to reevaluate their stance on race and equality and in turn, accepting of the inclusion of interracial couples in the definition of marriage. Much like the Civil Rights movement did, the Gay Rights movement of the early 2000’s is forcing Americans to reexamine their views on marriage equality for homosexuals with, according to Kathleen Lahey in her book, Same-sex marriage: The Personal and the Political, the majority of Americans now in favor of the inclusion of homosexuals in the word marriage (134).

The word marriage has many words that are synonymous with it and by taking a closer look at each we can get a better understanding of the word marriage, itself. Alliance is a common synonym of marriage and is defined as ‘Union by marriage, affinity; union through marriage or common parentage, relationship, kinship, consanguinity’ by the OED. (alliance, n. Second edition, 1989; online version September 2011. <http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/5290>; accessed 29 November 2011. Earlier version first published in New English Dictionary, 1884.) Note unlike the formal definition of marriage, there is no mention of man and woman but instead the word alliance, like Confucius’s definition, emphasizes the more important relationship and union itself. Similar to alliance, is merger, which is also synonymous with marriage of again, not man and woman, but more often two business entities. Words like nuptials and wedding refer more to the act or rite of marriage itself and matrimony and wedlock to the state following the marriage. And matrimony, another synonym of marriage, has spurned words (and foods) like matrimonial bed and matrimonial cake. Jan Freeman, writer for the Boston Globe, summed it up well when she said, “When marriage can describe a corporate merger and a matrimonial cake is a date-filled cookie, the traditional term should easily stretch to cover same-sex unions.”

As a newlywed, marriage is a word that suddenly has new meaning to me which is why, when faced with the prospect of writing a definition essay, I chose the word. Our wedding was amazing, the perfect day in every sense and our marriage has been much the same (for the most part!). Our vows did include the words ‘husband and wife’ but what is most important about them and our ‘merger’ that day is that we became a family and that we committed, in love and friendship, to spend the rest of our lives together. Why shouldn’t everyone – whether they are becoming husband and wife, husband and husband, or wife and wife – have that same right and opportunity? Marriage is far more about the commitment and the end result than the parties involved. I get that brothers should not be able to marry their sisters nor should 50 year old men be allowed to marry twelve year old girls, but to say that marriage does not include two men or two women is absurd. Take Phyllis Segal and Connie Kopelov, for instance. Phyllis is 77, Connie is 86, and they have been together for 23 years yet not until July of this year, when New York finally legalized same-sex marriage, were they able to officially call themselves a ‘married’ couple.