Gulf Oil Disaster, Essay Example

Not many people know that Tiger Woods has made some interesting comments about the Gulf Oil Spill in his private diary. An unnamed source has come into possession of the diary, and it is now possible for us to read a few of his entries relative to British Petroleum. A full disclosure of his insights will no doubt come out in a new book that will launch a purported political campaign. The more we know about Tiger, the more we know he has what it takes to be in politics. He has power, money, public issues, and the ability to handle the press. We hope you find Tiger’s observations, offered here in chronological order, as enlightening as we do.

Entry #4

Thank God for the Gulf Oil Spill! Finally, a news story has come along that will take a little of the heat off me. BP says the blowout preventer failed to activate. I’m glad my airbag activated when my wife was beating me up with a seven iron.

Entry #7

21,000 feet of containment boom has been placed at the BP spill site. This equals the amount of cordon that keep the crowds from me during my tournaments. What a coincidence.

Entry #9

The Coast Guard says, “Release of crude oil, natural gas, and diesel fuel poses a high risk of environmental contamination in the Gulf of Mexico.” No joke! These people are geniuses. Put stuff into the ocean that does not belong there, and it poses a risk of contamination! Duh!

Entry #15

A second and third leak are discovered. That’s like one woman comes forward to say that you have been with her, and the next thing you know, women are popping up everywhere like dandelions on the fairway.

Entry# 16

Today I read that BP capped one of the three leaks. Now, just as much oil is spilling into the ocean, but now it is in just two places instead of one. A leak is a leak, just like a Green Jacket is a Green Jacket.

Entry #27

BP plans to “junk shot” the failed well with old golf balls. I wonder if that would work? I have never shot a golf ball into the water, so I am no the one to ask.

Entry #30

In Congress, Halliburton, who cemented BP’s well, said it met requirements. Halliburton blames Transocean for having a faulty blowout preventer. Transocean blames BP, who, in turn, blames Transocean. You can’t just sit around and pass blame. You have to act. Like, when I really needed a caddy, and no one wanted to do it for me, I really had to think and think fast, so I called Jesse James.

Entry #36

The CEO of BP declares, “The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume.” You know, he is exactly right! Think of all the water in all of the oceans. BP has only messed up a negligible percentage of it. Hey, I’m not a saint, but I have only winked at one out of every hundred women who have winked at me.

Entry #42

“Plug the damn hole,” Obama says. Hell, they should have called me. I’m as good at plugging holes as anyone I know.

Entry #44

The Obama Administration sends a bill to BP for 51.4 billion dollars. That is a lot of money. There would have to be two of me to equal that amount in tour earnings. I can see it now –here comes Tiger “Gulf Oil Spill” Woods approaching the fifth tee, along with his twin brother, Lion “Exxon Valdez” Woods who has captured tons of tour purses, but not as much as his celebrated sibling.

Entry #52

The BP official has said, “I want my life back.” I need to have lunch with him. We could talk for hours. These public relations disasters sure can take a toll on your ability to relax with a cold beer.

Entry #59

Anadarko Petroleum, a one-quarter owner of the failed well, refuses to accept any responsibility for the disaster. Some people might not appreciate Anadarko’s stance here.

After all, they have been taking a quarter of the profits all along. I, however, grasp the position of the company. Many people work for me. They do things in my name. Am I supposed to take the fall for them when they do stuff? Anadarko focuses on making money, not on clean-ups. I focus on playing golf (and other things). Don’t ask me to defend my personal life. Honestly!

Entry #64

The Isle of Wight witnessed a yacht race today, and the CEO of BP was there. This gave the press a field day. It is like they would rather him be working to fix the problem in the Gulf than to be sailing. If the press would spend more time at their local country clubs, they would understand.

Entry #68

BP shares hit a 14-year low. My goal this year is to play a round of golf and equal my personal 14-year low. That would be great. My sports psychologist once told me that I am great because of my passion. Yes, I have lots of passion. BP needs to get more passion. To make matters worse, it probably won’t get upstaged by a story more compelling than its own.

Entry #71

Today I heard that China might be thinking of investing in BP. If they did, they could possibly be the controlling owner of BP. That means that BP would be part Asian, like me. I could be BP’s spokesperson. Cool!

Please watch for more of Tiger’s reaction to the Gulf Oil crisis as his remarks become available. Thank you.