Homophobia & Heterosexism, Essay Example

My partner and I went out for a romantic date without demonstrating the following “typical” couples’ exchanges that signify to society that we were a couple: we refrained from holding hands, we didn’t kiss, we kept a “friendly” distance between us when we walked, we didn’t reference past romantic dates together, or our intimate home life together, etc. We went out to dinner and a movie.

While at the theatre we didn’t cuddle or hold hands, or even share our concession orders. We each got our own drink and popcorn. We also arrived in different vehicles instead of coming as a couple in the same car. That way, we also left in separate vehicles and didn’t linger after the dinner for a goodnight kiss. After the date, we hugged briefly and said our goodbyes. All night there was an unusual chemistry between us because we weren’t in effect allowed to be ourselves in public; it was as if we had to hide our relationship and it made it awkward and weird between us because of this exercise to “hide” who we were together.

It proved difficult to refrain myself from physically engaging with my partner in the most basic of ways such as handholding. In Asian culture they have something called “skinship” in which same-gender friends expression affection and their level of intimacy with one another through physical contact. This contact goes beyond handholding and can sometimes be as simple as a high five but often is physical contact like a pat on the back or constantly having hands on one another (albeit not sexually). I felt as though if we were a gay couple then people in society would make us have “internalized homophobia” (McNaron, 1997, p. 74) because we were already acting awkward with one another. It made every movement we did together have a second guess behind it. For instance, when I walked beside my partner I worried that we were walking too closely to be considered friends from an outsider’s perspective and found myself continually stepping away from my partner during the course of the evening when we found ourselves walking. This action in turn made my partner feel as if they were being rebuffed and so the entire evening had a subtle undertone of questions pertaining to the strength of the relationship, could we have made it if we were a gay couple who didn’t want to be outed for political or personal reasons (especially if it were a decade a two in the past when being gay was more stigmatized). I felt as if the entire evening wasn’t about going out on a date but was more about questioning my identity and my identity within the relationship instead of simply having a good time at dinner and the movies.

My partner and I talked about all of this after the date: how awkward it was between us and how we felt everyone kept looking at us because of awkward we were being. We also questioned stereotypes and what leads people to have stigmas about sexual orientation and how “not being tough and being unmasculine are associated with homophobia” (Plummer, 2001, p. 4). This question of masculinity came up also because we weren’t allowed to be ourselves because of our relationship and how gender plays a role in that identity if the relationship is a gay relationship. I found that it was difficult to treat my partner as a friend, and it made me think about how fear drives people to try and protect the ones they love, but that in turn denies them being their true versions of themselves on a daily basis in something as simple as going on a date. I never considered myself homophobic, nor does my partner, but this experiment certainly opened our eyes as to how difficult it must have been, and still is, for gay people to live in a society that has so much hate in it and misunderstanding of other people’s sexual orientation.

Plummer (2001) states that, “Homophobic meanings were found to evolve as boys grow older. For the first few years of use, terms like poofter and faggot generally did not refer to homosexuality” (p. 3). Plummer states that these terms do not mean “gay” in the sexual sense when boys are young, but they are terms used to degrade other boys (not girls) by speaking out against their manhood. Calling someone a “poofter” means they are less of a man. Thereby, such pejorative terms are meant to call under attack the person’s masculinity meaning that such terms are un-masculine and therefore gay people are not men. This makes gay people a different gender, or less of a gender, but certainly less of a main. This oppression in society from name-calling brings to the forefront of the argument the belief that boys are taught at an early age how to treat gay people through the terms they use to identify what a man should not be. A man should not be a faggot, because a faggot is less than a man: “Heterosexism is defined here as an ideological system that denies, denigrates, and stigmatizes any nonheterosexual form of behavior, identity, relationship, or community. It operates principally by rendering homosexuality invisible and, when this fails, by trivializing, repressing, or stigmatizing it” (Herek, 1990, p. 316).  Boys who are taught to use such words are fueling the fire of stigmatization. Adam (1998) says that we must curtail such abuse through experience and discourse (402). This means that a heterosexual man can’t call another man (who is un-athletic) a faggot (Burn et al., 2005, p. 6). This experiment taught me that terminology can have a great effect on a person’s identity and view of themselves and can reinforce stereotypes in a society. Stereotypes that don’t allow people to who they truly are but instead only a stigmatized version of themselves that is socially constructed.

References

Adam, B. (1998). Theorizing homophobia. Sexualities, 1(4), 387-404.

Burn, S., Kadlec, K., & Rexer, R., (2005). Effects of subtle heterosexism on gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. California Polytechnical State University. Retrieved from http://digitalcommons.calpoly.edu

Herek, G. (1990). The context of anti-gay violence: Notes on cultural and psychological Heterosexism. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 5(3), 316-333.

McNaron, T. (1997). Poisoned ivy: lesbian and gay academics confronting homophobia. Philadelphia: Temple University.

Plummer, D. (2001). The quest for modern manhood: masculine stereotypes, peer culture And the social significance of homophobia. Journal of Adolescence, 24, 15-23.

Thurlow, C. (2001). Naming the “outsider within”: homophobic pejoratives and the verbal abuse of lesbian, gay, and bisexual high school pupils. Journal of Adolescence, 24, 25-38.