Increasing Profitability in Electronic, Essay Example

In looking over the rough draft, in evaluating the main points, the writer did a fine job in pointing out the problems, as well as solutions in well-formatted sections. Each main point that the writer intended to make was chronologically ordered, with headings to indicate the topic, followed by the main topic sentences. Within the context of the main topic, the writer was able adequately to provide much-supporting text that includes customer service, the type of inventory that Biglots keeps in which criticizes their electronics department, and it can improve on their inadequate stock.

The rough draft is adequately well-formatted. From the introduction, the writer provides the problem and provides supporting information that helps to appeal to the reader. In the introduction the writer states, “With the addition of a new competitor aggressive, capturing market share and customers, complete current situation analysis of the electronic department is necessary.” Further in the paper, the writer writes on the behalf of the company in looking at the inefficiencies of the electronics department, as well as improvements that are needed for customer service, and in-stock problems. In writing about the disapproval with the current business strategy, the writer wants the reader to understand that there are several areas in the business strategy that the company needs to improve on.

While the introduction does try to set up the rest of the paper, it lacks in the depth in which provides an introductory sentence that introduces the reader to the paper. Not only does the introduction need more, but also doesn’t hook the reader in the first sentence. While the writer does provide the main purpose in an expression how the electronics department has decreased dramatically due to theft, lost sales opportunities, customer service, and in-stock problems, they writer can also write ways this can be improved. Therein lies the weakness with the introduction of the paper. Another criticism is that the introduction doesn’t proper transition to the body of the paper.

The writer does a good job of providing factual background information on the topic at hand, and this includes charts and graphs, as well as information gathered from valid resources that setup the problem the writer identified in the introduction. This includes market analysis, past electronic sales, past IPhone and Samsung sales, and the electronics market environment.

In the body paragraph, “Electronics Recalibration” the strengths, are the writer’s ability to provide a well concise look at the current store procedure as well as provide the problems and possible solutions in helping in the electronics departments. Examples include, “area such as electronic are tedious department and demand hour and hours of fine-tuning.” When the electronic department is inadequate, it affects different parts of the store business strategy which include, sales and customer service. The weaknesses however are the body paragraph lacks cited sources that could help with improving recommendations, and outlining problems that affect the industry also. The second body paragraph is “Dock-to-Stock (DTS)” in which has included the recommendations for improving the in-store stock, as well as criticism on the electronics departments. This includes the strengths in which the writer formats the problems presented in the introduction at the beginning of each paragraph; “poor execution in performing truck day logistics is one of the reasons electronic department fails in meeting its goal.” The weaknesses however, it likes in the previous problem, more cited sources will help build a better case for the report.

The best body paragraph is, “Reduce Theft” this is the best due to the importance of the section, as well as how the writer can provide cited sources that help with giving credibility to the problem and the solutions. The body falls in line with helping to increase sales and work on customer service that was listed in the introduction.

The sales building section of the report is formatted into four sub-divided paragraphs which tie into the topic such as retailer initiative, create alternative displays, increase impulse buys, and customer service. As this section relates directly to improving the business strategy of the company, and outlines the problems of customer service. They are organized this way because it helps the reader assess the topic, and find ways in helping to improve sales and customer relations.

The problem that the report faces is the lack of transitional words, phrases, and sentences throughout. The paragraphs end, however, they do not smoothly transition to the next section of the paper. Including these throughout the paper should help with the flow of the report.

The writer can introduce the information found from their resources adequately. However, the writer needs to do a better job in including more cited sources throughout the body of the paper. In responding to the found evidence, the writer does set it up and provide supporting sentences around the information.

The writer does not use any signal phrases because they do not use any quotations from cited sources.

The paper also doesn’t use many citations, other than the included charts and line in the body that supports the sentence.

The problems with the reference are that Wikipedia isn’t an authoritative source used in academic research. When using sources, the writer needs to look for more substantial and credible sources.

In incorporating different perspectives, it is mostly clear in the market analysis, as they section includes information based on the electronics market, and how it affects the business strategies of several companies.

The main punctuation problem is rooted in there are a lot of passive language such as, “a good display should be focused”, and many sentences need commas. Also, the grammatical problems are that there are several misspelled words, sentence fragments “Browse our list of Mystery Shopper providers”, and possibly confused words.

The paper is formatted well as stated throughout this review as an introduction, is followed by the body, and then the conclusion and recommendations.

The writing style used is good. However, the punctuation and grammar errors does make it at times difficult to read. However, the information is adequately written to discuss the problems, and the solutions in each body paragraph, which makes the report effective.

The most stylistic sentence: “Managing in-store logistics is now particularly essential in electronic which adopted a merchandising layout optimizing the sales space only with sample products on display, while the related inventory is in the stock room.” It is one of the complete sentences that utilizes the five w’s the best. The worst: “To be more competitive, buying groups and seek out manufacturer discounts that allow you to purchase merchandise below wholesale prices.” Its lack of a comma when needed, and being a sentence fragment makes it one of the problems in the report.

Overall the writer did well, but there needs to be attention paid to add resources and grammar review.