Lady Macbeth, Essay Example

My actions weigh heavily on me. My conscience will not let me sleep in peace; I twist and turn in bed, unable to partake of any rest. By day visions of my life, my actions, my words, my thoughts haunt me, and by night I lay awake afraid of the ghost of Duncan himself. I wonder the halls in my sleep troubled by his voice, the sounds he made as he breathed his last and life left his body. Even though I did not commit the act, I planted the idea in my husband’s mind. In my strong will and desire for royalty, I pushed my husband to commit the act, despite his objections. The very smell and sight of blood sends me into hysteria, constantly seeing visions of the blood stained dagger.

I regret everything I did to my husband. A loving, caring and loyal man; I manipulated him, constantly taunted him and questioning his manhood. I feel so bad for playing with his emotions, and even worse is questioning his love for me to get to do as I wanted. I have all but destroyed something beautiful. I regret my ambition, my desire for power, recognition royalty and respect. For it is in my ambition that the devil tempted me and I have fallen.

I always believed that I could deprive myself of my conscience, ask the spirits to unsex me and take away my instinct to love and care. But it was all a lie, a trick that led me to this place. Momentarily I thought I could win against my own conscience. But Alas! It has caught up with me. The lives that ended as a result of my ambition weigh heavily on me. I have turned my husband into an untrusting murderous king. The death of Banquo also laden my heart, and to crown it all, Lady Macduff and her children. All their blood that was spilt has stained my hands.

If I could take it all back, I would. Undo all the actions that have left me in this dark pit or regret, sorrow and torture. If I could raise Duncan from the dead, I would. Banquo, Lady Macduff and her children were innocent victims of my desires. If I could see them, I would fall down on my knees and ask them for forgiveness. That they may take away from me this bitter cup of torment and sorrow. I shall never find peace in this world knowing what I have done. I probably will never find forgiveness on this earth amongst men. And neither shall I find it in heaven.

Today I make the decision to take my own life. This is not life, it is a constant punishment, endless agony for the sins I have committed. My very hands are stained with blood, the blood of those who fell victim to my ambition and desire for royalty. I have long held my head high, a woman devoid of the instinct to love and care. I have no one to talk to and cannot purge my guilty conscience. My husband no longer desires me; swallowed by the drive to stay in power he continues to wonder down this dark path I set us on. He is no longer the companion I once cherished; he no longer confides in me