Attracting Lasting Love, Research Paper Example

Love is a psychological element that revolves around relationships humans get into. This is the reason as to why it is difficult to play around with one’s psychology to get the love in his or her mind. Many psychological aspects make people fall in love. These aspects are the ones that will see flourishing of romance and intimacy (Randel, 2001). People who get in touch with one another for a long time are at high chances of falling in love. The only thing that they need is mutual understanding, sharing and respect for each other. This is what leads to compassionate love. There is also passionate love that rotates on sexual desires, affection, and anxiety.

In life, people get attracted to each other in various ways at different levels. There are intimate relationships, family bonds, friendship and acquaintances. According to psychologists, people are not in a position to choose their families, but when it comes to life partners and friends, humans have a choice. Nevertheless, exactly how do people choose their life partners? This question is what many psychologists have tried to unlock. To these researchers, each individual has his or her own test when it comes to choosing friends. Most people will rely on their minds, or rather; they will follow what their heart tells them to do. This is what happened to Jan and Tom when they met 10 years ago in gym. A number of things make people like each other.

Physical Attraction

According to researchers of love psychology, a person’s looks counts when it comes to choosing a lover. This is the first quality that people look at when they first meet. However, after liking the outlook, the individuals will delve into the inner being of the partner. This will make the importance of physical looks fade (Randel, 2001). There is a significant concern as to why people who look attractive catch the attention of many people than those who are less attractive. A research done by Kenrick and Gutierrez, published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology, showed that young college male students go out with striking females students. This is a clear show that attractive women will get the attention of men. This notion can be cemented from the many online and TV programs. A keen look at the rating given to TV shows will show that programs that have attractive women have many men as viewers. On the other hand, programs with handsome men will have more women followers (McDougall, 2001).

From this research, the results point out that standard of beauty can be used to choose the friends or lovers. However, it is good to note that each individual has his or her level of beauty. What brings the difference is when there is a comparison. Otherwise, if there were only average looking women in the world, they could be the one recognized as beauty. Any relationship starts at physical attraction. This is what every person will look at before making that first move. This is reflected when Jan and Tom met. On the first day they met at the gym, physical attraction is what attracted them. Jan is described as a short white female and Tom is a muscular medium height African American. There is a belief that women get attracted to muscular men who are taller than they are. Maybe this is what Jan saw in Tom. Conversely, Tom being an African American man may have been attracted to the white color of Jan. Physical attraction can make individuals treat attractive people better as they are ideal, and many are meant to believe that this beauty reflect the inner qualities. They go ahead and make a move long even before they know the behaviors (Deutsch & Krauss, 2005).

Likeness

Likeness and love are two features that co-exist. Before one loves a given person or thing, he or she must like it. Likeness is the feeling that comes from the mind. It is from the mind that humans think. This means that the two lovers have to think logically in order to like each other. By nature, human beings will love what matches with their likes, and hate what goes parallel with their standards. Experts tend to argue that a normal human being likes many things, but loves one. It is possible to live without liked things but it is hard to survive minus things loved (Randel, 2001). In this love story between Jan and Tom, it is clear that Jan liked all his multiple lovers before she met Tom, who she truly loves. This is the reason why they have a strong bond that has pushed a decade now, and hopes to continue forever. Likeness is about finding something in common. In this love story, Jan and Tom workout in the same gym, something they like most. Researchers have argued that being in love with someone who does the same things, as you will make the relationship engaging and fun. This will offer a gateway to appreciate the differences that may exist between the two parties.

Love

Love is a product of likeness. For any relationship to grow strong and overcome all challenges, love has to be present. However, the parties in this relationship should be ready to build it. According to social psychologist Zick Rubin, for love relationship to be healthy, some elements need to be there- attachment, care and intimacy (McDougall, 2001). However, intimacy comes later as the love grows. Different people have varying ideas as to why they fall in love. Despite this, if there is attractiveness, intimacy and likeness, this blend will make people fall in love over heels. Research done has cemented this notion. Most people, in fact 80%, will not get married to their spouses if there was no love (Ashmore & Boca, 1986). In the case of Jan and Tom, this is true. Before they got married, they dated for a while. This dating time was enough for them to realize they loved each other. It is during this time that they learnt more about each other. Jan came to learn that Tom watches sports and eats junk food while Tom learnt that Jan gardens and eats healthy. Despite the fact that they differ on these issues, they have learnt to appreciate each other. This is a sign of love. There must be room for accommodating the weaknesses of the other partner. No one is perfect; hence, the need to understand the likes of the other party is essential.

Reciprocity

Reciprocity is a concept of social psychology that defines the response to a positive action. It is a rewarding kind of actions. In the social context, people will tend to be appreciative to friendly actions from others. This same concept argues that people are much cooperative and nicer in response to a good show of other as opposed to hostile action from others that can make them brutal and nasty. Before people engage in anything, they will categorize it by projecting on the consequences and the intentions of the person. The outcome can be good, but if the underlying intentions are nefarious, the action can be reciprocated in another way (McDougall, 2001). In this case, of Jan and Tom, both had the same feelings for each other. This is why they fall in love. In human behavior, reciprocity is a terribly vital determining factor. Positive reciprocal actions are because of other positive actions. This is quite different from gift giving, as these are not actions done with expectations to get a future response. Reciprocity focuses more on the trading favors other than negotiating with the other party. Reciprocity can see a small favor be reciprocated with a huge favor in the future. This is the feeling that allows love to grow. Because there is a sense of the future obligation, the lovers will develop a continuous relationship. As a form of obligation, reciprocity will call for future kindness (Ashmore & Boca, 1986). This is what is Jan and Tom do. They are kind to each other. They are in this relationship despite their dark past. Tom had to overlook the fact that Jan had dated several men. Equally, Jan overlook the fact that Tom had a girlfriend who died of cancer.

Having fun

Many people still do not understand what true love is all about. This is why many relationships end up failing. Love may be a feeling, but then there is more to this. According to the experience, love is a feeling that is because of powerful attraction. Attraction is the initial feeling that will tend to fade with time. However, for true love to exist, the lovers should have a common activity they regard as fun (Deutsch & Krauss, 2005). In the case of Jan and Tom both, enjoy working out together. This is their fun activity and they like it most. It is in the gym that they met while working out. Ten years later, they still go to the same place. It is highly possible that they are doing so to maintain the body physique they met each other with, but then having fun strengthens a relationship. Through fun, the lovers are able to have good memories on how far they have come and focus on the future.

For a long lasting love to exist, both partners should be ready to love and be loved. They should be emphatic and be ready to sacrifice in order to meet other partner’s needs. This is what Jan and Tom have done. Jan is a hippie and Tom is a conservative businessperson. Despite their differences, they have accommodated each other. In regards to this relationship, true love is an act of judgment, will, promise and intention. There should be a commitment. It is all about the behaviors and choices the partners share. For love to last long, it needs a strong foundation. This can be achieved if the partners are there for each other on a daily basis. They need to be aware of the desires and needs of each other. Even though giving solutions is necessary, the most noteworthy thing is to offer a listening ear.

References

Ashmore, R. D., & Boca, F. K. (1986). The Social psychology of female-male relations: a critical analysis of central concepts. Orlando: Academic Press.

Deutsch, M., & Krauss, R. M. (2005). Theories in social psychology. New York: Basic Books.

McDougall, W. (2001). An Introduction to social psychology (14th ed.). Kitchener, Ont.: Batoche.

Randel, T. (2001). Lasting love. New York: Avalon Books.