Lasting Love, Research Paper Example

Introduction

This paper proves an examination of different aspects that contribute towards lasting love, from the lens of psychology.

Mutual Respect and Trust

Long term enduring love needs to be built upon a foundation of mutual respect and trust between the partners. This leads to devotion and the ability to deal with the ups and downs of marital life. There are a number of factors that have to be considered here:-

Communication

It is important to be honest and open with one another at all times. Particularly as parents it is important not to send mixed messages to the children. Never lie to one another as it creates mistrust and loss of respect. Even trivial stuff like I will be late home from work because we are busy when the real intention is to go out to bar with some friends.

Compromise

It is necessary to make sacrifices and compromises between marital relationships. The wife may want to visit her mother on her wedding anniversary and would like the husband to accompany. Unfortunately this clashes with an important golfing venue. The wife’s visit to her mother is extremely important to her. The husband should be prepared to recognise this and cancel his golfing arrangements.

Apologies and forgiveness

This is the recognition of sensitivities between the partners. Never feel afraid to apologise or say sorry if you are in the wrong. It shows that you recognise the other person’s point of view and respect them. This also leads to the need to encourage and complement one another. This help to build self-esteem. It can also lead to improved motivation. Apologies and forgiveness also shows care and love in respecting the other partner’s point of view.

Mutual respect and trust is the foundation upon which enduring and sustainable relationships are built upon.

Maintaining a positive relationship

Maintaining a positive relationship in marriage is essential for the sustainable health and well-being of the marital relationship. Strain and tension can build up between the working partner and the domestic partner raising the children. This may be further complicated where both partners are at work and the children are supported by domestic help. This often creates extra work at the end of a busy day when you just feel like relaxing.

Sharing

To maintain that happy marital relationship requires a lot of sharing, mutual co-operation and understanding. This means sharing the chores and more teamwork. You should celebrate the achievements of your joint accomplishments, reward yourself for all of the hard work.

Communication

Modern society poses numerous challenges upon a successful marriage. One of the most demanding is that of financial hardship. That might be brought on by a job loss or physical illness, leaving one’s spouse to cope with the problem. This is often the situation where marital communications breakdown, when in fact it is the most important time for working as a team and communicating with one another. Another factor is dealing with family relationships, and this is particularly trying in new marriages. The concept of dealing with intervention and demands by in-laws, and having to deal with expectations that posed a strain on the marriage. The concept of long-term illness, disability or major illness can impose a tremendous strain on the spouse who is working and equally having to look after their partner. (Long, 2010).

In general terms the challenges in marriage relate to living and existing. The most import and aspect on survival in marriage is the ability to work as a team and communicate with one another. In this way, you’re able to support one another and cope with most situations. There is also the concept of trust and care between partners and betrayal of such can be very hard to recover

Teamwork and the benefits of working together

In the last 20 years we have seen a dramatic rise in divorce rates, particularly in the US and Western Europe. Studies have indicated that this decline in marriage is largely due to the general breakdown and weakening of the traditional family structure. It is the maintenance of the family structure that really necessitates the importance of marriage. The children produced from the marriage are the future in terms of perpetuating human society. Strong family values teach the children the ethics and the social responsibilities of adulthood. The love of the parents to the children translates to the personality of the adult. The displacement of this leads to a more random outcome and potentially more uncaring society. Current research carried out in the United Kingdom. Many women believe marriage is not a requirement for modern society and that those who do enter marriage do so far too early without fully considering the consequences. (Papadopoulos, 2010)

Teamwork in the marital relationship

The one element that is important in sustaining good long term marital relationships is that of teamwork between the partners. It’s the concept of the marriage being about “us” as opposed to “me” or “you”. It’s about having shared goals for the future and planning that future together. It is getting through the difficult elements in life by working together i.e. controlling the finances, managing the children, making the household run on a continued smooth basis. All of these items help to reduce stress and the old adage that a problem shared is a problem halved.

What has become largely outdated is what is considered as a wife’s job in the marriage and that of the mans. This has now become more of a joint enterprise working together on what needs to be done. If this is successfully accomplished at an early stage in the marriage it is often the glue that holds it together. This will help the partnership through the bumpy roads and tough times. The process never ends but it will help but your spouse will become more endeared and love you for the respect and love shown.

Do not take each other for granted

Perhaps men fall more easily into this trap than women. It occurs when you feel comfortable with the marriage and all of the daily routines involved. In many marriages the wife often has a larger work burden. The man needs to recognise this and discuss ways in which he can help and equally demonstration love and appreciation for how the wife looks after the family. Recognition of effort stops this from becoming a problem. The wife may feel that you have become disinterested in her and no longer appreciates the added contribution she makes through love and devotion to the family. A new study commissioned by Warner Brothers has shown that the 7 year itch in a marriage has been reduced to three years. (Padykula, 2013)

Show Appreciation for one another

It is the little things that move a long way towards ensuring you are not taking your partner for granted. Thanking your partner for the little things they do i.e. bringing you a brew. It is important to demonstrate how you appreciate one another by thanking each other and how much you appreciate all the little things. This will help deepen the love and bondage between partners.

Ask and don’t just expect

Don’t just expect that certain tasks will get done by your partner. Discuss what needs to be done and be flexible in helping one another. You need to continue treating each other with self-respect.

Be affectionate

Don’t lose the romance in your marriage. Kissing, hugs, holding hands etc. You need to work at maintaining the affection in your marriage and not letting this slip away. Bringing your wife flowers shows that you love and appreciate her,

Trust and confiding in each other

The foundation for success in any marriage is the enduring ability in the trust and confidence you place in one another. Confiding in one another is to share problems, beliefs and concerns and have an open, honest and transparent relationship with one another. Trust is not easily given and basically is earned over time. Even when married it does not become an automatic right, in fact it is really a part of the discovery of marital life. If both parties start off on the intention of trusting one another they can build upon this. Being found out in a lie or some form of deception can create serious setbacks and this can take maybe years to restore the confidence. If other infringements occur this further sets back the process and leads towards a marriage breakdown.

In general terms the challenges in marriage relate to living and existing. The most import and aspect on survival in marriage is the ability to work as a team and communicate with one another. In this way, you’re able to support one another and cope with most situations. There is also the concept of trust and care between partners and betrayal of such can be very hard to recover.

There is no doubt that many young couples starting out on married life. Need some degree of help in facing the challenges that lie ahead. There is a bridge that needs to be built with recognition for the equality of women and the right to have a career, whilst being empathetic men in understanding their changing role. Men need to find a greater balance in their life whilst communicating and supporting the wife; who after all is looking after the safety and interests of the family. Marriage is essentially a partnership of mutual understanding, trust and working with each other, goals and objectives. Those who can achieve the balance will survive the challenges to come. (Meth, 2012).

Conclusions

The first part of Ronald Levant’s book, A new psychology of men (Ronald F. Levant, 2008) focuses upon gender roles strains. In the modern marriages we are seeing a lot of role reversal taking place. The wife is going out to work and having a career, essentially the money earner, whilst the husband is staying at home looking after the kids and dealing with domestic chores. Unless there is good synergy, communication and understanding in the marriage. This can lead to a significant strain. This is compounded with the role reversal occurred because the male partner lost his job. The loss of the masculine role, and feeling of shame often leads to extramarital relationships. In the new relationship, the mail seeks to reinsert his masculinity and reclaim the position he believed lost in his marriage. All too often in these situations. It is the children that suffer creating divided loyalties, confusion, and ultimately alienation.

References

Long, H. (2010, 2 18). The biggest challenges to marrioage. Retrieved from Families.com: http://marriage.families.com/blog/the-biggest-challenges-to-marriage

Meth, R. (2012, 7 25). A new psychology of men. Retrieved from BNET: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3658/is_199710/ai_n8781569/

Padykula, J. (2013, 3 25). Stop taking each other for granted. Retrieved from She knows love: http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/843919/stop-taking-each-other-for-granted

Papadopoulos, L. (2010, 9 2). Marriage is no longer relevant in todays society. Retrieved from Newswire Europe: http://www.prnewswire.co.uk/cgi/news/release?id=182222

Ronald F. Levant, W. S. (2008). A New Psychology Of Men. New York: Basic Books.