Love Tips, Essay Example

It appears as though men live in a world full of pride that is easily tarnished or trampled on by the logic and rationality of women.  The love tip suggesting that the woman is not allowed to criticize or comment on a man’s deficiencies is probably correct.  I would argue that men cannot take constructive criticism and definitely have a difficult time accepting the knowledge that women are of higher intelligence.  Usually, when a fight occurs between my boyfriend and me, it surrounds a small issue such as cleanliness or respectful actions.  You would think that belching or farting at the dinner table is clearly rude and disrespectful, but my boyfriend thinks of it as an incredible contest with himself at every meal to outdo his performance from the last time.  To satisfy this love tip, I will refrain from making any direct comments with my mouth; however, my eyes and body language will communicate my displeasure enough.  Instead of orally describing my distaste for dirty underwear flung around the room and unwashed dishes lying in every corner of the bedroom, I will take time each day to write my displeasure in a journal.  Following the one-week time period, if I feel the urge, I will keep the journal for ammo in our next big fight.

I take special notice of the love tip suggesting how to properly DIS the man I am so in love with without starting an argument.  This tip tells us women how to properly explain that a man has done something we disagree with.  The natural response to dissatisfaction with my boyfriend is to just come right out and explain to him that his action is unacceptable and irresponsible.  Sometimes this dissatisfaction can be stated using many superlative adjectives and words that are commonly found in “adults only” dictionaries.  Instead of saying “you”, we must place the blame on ourselves and let the man know that “I” have the problem, not “you”.  In this case, I will make the effort to explain my displeasure for my boyfriend not doing the dishes by using the phrase “I feel”.  “I feel that you need to do the dishes because they stink up the apartment and make a mess of the entire room.”  In this case, the author suggests that my boyfriend will learn to respond by saying “I’m sorry.  I’ll do that next time.”  This suggests that men have a rational brain and can understand that they have made a mistake and must change their behavior.  This impossible notion clearly refutes this tip at which point I will gladly be prepared with my best DIS for the imminent argument.

Men clearly have many problems that they feel too ashamed to share with women, which is why they resort to hiding in a cave to seek solitude.  Apparently, men feel that they cannot let us know that they are weak or hurting, so we are stuck trying to guess what is wrong.  Come on men, we care about you too!  I will make a much stronger effort to feel happier when my boyfriend wants to go hiding in his cave.  Instead, I will put on a happy face and go shopping.  It is definitely much better to let him see me being happy than to pace around the apartment wondering what is possibly bothering him.  In an ideal world, he would sit down and talk with me, but men are not physically or mentally able to do such a small task.  Instead, as the author suggests, it is my job as the woman to adjust to his behavior and make a concerted effort to avoid feeling sympathetic towards him.  Thank God for malls, credit cards and girlfriends!  The next time he avoids me and enters the cave, I will have my wallet and my girlfriends on stand-by.  I cannot wait to go to the Coach Store and get a new handbag.

Words and actions are valuable parts of the intimate relationship between a man and a woman.  I can think of many times in my own relationship where this is the case, especially when my boyfriend wants to share events or activities with me instead of talking.  This is clearly his way of being intimate, while I would rather talk about our day or discuss our thoughts on something that has happened recently.  Instead of doing this, I will make it a point to notice when he is being intimate with me through his actions.  When we go to the movies or spend time together doing something, I will also make it a point to validate his intimacy with a “thank you”.  I will never be able to understand completely why my boyfriend, and men in general, cannot communicate intimacy to women.  Still, there seems to be some genetic coding or cultural breading that forces men to act this way.  It is built into their core and there is nothing that we women can do about it.  I know this, and so do most women, so I will make it a point to adjust to his style of intimacy to continue to be close with him.

The Necker Cube is actually a very insightful love tip that helps illustrate the point that men and women have different perspectives.  There is an age-old saying that states that “perception is reality”.  Whenever we experience something first hand, someone else that witnesses that event may have a much different perspective on it.  This accounts for a difference in viewpoints and how we perceive actual events.  For instance, when my boyfriend promises that he will wash the dishes and then he doesn’t, I see him being lazy and irresponsible.  I argue with him because of the dirty, filthy apartment and his lack of cleanliness.  Instead, he sees an apartment that is fairly organized with large piles of dirt and filth collecting in a general area, separated by parts of open counter space or clear carpet.  His definition and perception of cleanliness is much different than mine.  Instead of immediately jumping to an argument, I will realize that his perception is different and attempt to understand it.  I may not agree with this perception, and this may come out in our next argument, but I will take a few moments to try to understand his point of view.  I love my boyfriend, so this is the least that I can do to help our relationship continue to blossom.