Marriage in India, Essay Example

Arranged Marriage

The majority of marriages in India are arranged. When speaking of arranged, it means that the partners were chosen by the parents of the bride or groom, but in some instances they are chosen by the religious elders in the community. According to research, more than ninety percent of Indian women had their marriages arranged (Aysan Sev’er, 2008). Men, however, have more freedom than women and can decline the marriage if they choose to. Those women who chose their own partners had to be granted permission before they could marry. In arranged marriages, the couple usually has very little time to socialize and get to know each other prior to the wedding ceremony.  The bride usually resides with the husband’s family. Once living with the husband’s family, the bride often finds that her personal freedoms are restricted and controlled by her new family.

Dowry System

In India, the dowry system dates back to ancient times. The bride’s family presents their virgin daughter to the groom’s family along with financial gifts and other valuables. Originally, the dowry was not of significant financial value, and was merely a token gratitude. Over the years, this tradition transformed into the bride’s family paying the groom’s family for allowing their son to marry their daughter. In more recent years, the early nineties, the dowry has evolved into a continuous financial burden for the female’s family. The groom’s family often demands a steady compensation for the bride’s family. If the bride’s family refuses, the groom will return the bride to her family humiliating and dishonoring the family. In some cases, the bride’s family refuses to compensate the groom’s family, the bride is abused, mistreated, and sometimes murdered (Praveena Kodoth, 2008). In the Indian community, family honor is very important. Often, that honor depends upon whether or not the daughter marries into an affluent family. As a result, families begin preparing for this early and are willing to pay significant sums even if it causes them to go bankrupt.  For example,

“High dowriesmake raising a daughter a considerable financial burden, and they have accordingly beenblamed for infanticide and neglect of female children, sex selective abortion, and mistreatmentof newly married women in attempts to extract more money from their parents” (Praveena Kodoth, 2008  )

Women are taught to be submissive and pursue qualities such as modesty and purity. For example, “Women are persuaded by their own families to stoically endure abuse and are sometimes threatened with being disowned and ostracized from society should they not comply with the cultural norms” (Shang-Jin Wei and Xiaobo Zhang, 2011). The women are taught to submit and be faithful regardless to how the husband behaves. Researchers believe that this is still possible today because so many of Indian women are illiterate and lack any work trainings, so they must depend solely upon their husbands for financial stability.

Marriage Patterns

During the late 20^th century patterns of marriage transitioned in India. The average age for a woman to get married increased to the age of 19 years old. This reduces the age gap between husband and wife from about seven year to five or under (Aysan Sev’er, 2008).  Women who are aged 19 years old and older are capable of higher birth rates and lessoned infant mortality rates. Nonetheless, child marriages are still widely practiced in India, especially in rural areas. Traditions, religious beliefs, and social acceptance are among the reasons why child marriages are still acceptable in India. Likewise, in Indian society, women are believed to be weak. Consequently, parents of daughters feel obligated to ensure they are properly taken care of. Other communities want to ensure the chastity of their women, so they marry them early.

Personal Experience

Dating was considered a touchy subject in my family. The rules were more complicated for females than for males. Males had more freedom than females did. Females were not expected to entertain male company until they reached the age of sixteen. These visits were always supervised by older members of my family. For example, my brother or mother would be the chaperone if my date and I wanted to attend a movie. After a year of serious courtship and chaperoned dates, my date and I were allowed to go places unattended. My parents considered the year a trial period. If the boy was still interested in me after a year, it would not be a waste of my time to date him. My parents taught abstinence due to our religious beliefs. I was taught that sex was an act that was reserved for husband and wife. Becoming pregnant as a teen or being caught in the act of sex was a shameful encounter. Parents who had females to become pregnant before marriage were looked upon as bad parents. Although I grew up in the nineties, when lesbian and gay relationships were being revealed, my parents stressed that God made male and female. Being in a lesbian or gay relationship was more shameful to a family than having a pregnant daughter.

The marriage ceremony was performed by a minister in a church. The father would give away his daughter by walking her down the aisle to her groom. The bride and groom exchange vows conveying how they feel about each other and their commitment to being faithful and chaste to one another. Only after this ceremony are bride and groom permitted to live together in the same home. Typically, couples are married at least one year prior to having children. It is also considered shameful for a bride to give birth soon after marriage because people assume that the couple decided to get married because the bride was pregnant.

References

Aysan Sev’er (2008) Discarded daughter: The patriarchal grip, dowry deaths, sex ratio imbalancesand foeticide in India. Women’s Health and Urban Life, 7(1):56–75.

Praveena Kodoth (2008). Gender, caste and matchmaking in Kerala: A rationale for dowry. Development and Change, 39(2):263–283.

Shang-Jin Wei and Xiaobo Zhang (2011). The competitive saving motive: Evidence from rising sex ratios and savings rates in China. Journal of Political Economy, 119(3):511–564.