Marriages Families and Meet the Fockers, Essay Example

Overcome Rules with Love: Relationships and Parenting in Meet the Fockers

In Meet the Fockers, Jack Byrnes obsesses about his legacy and views his future son-in-law’s parents as an indicator of the man that he will become. The son-in-law, Greg Focker, experiences test after test in which the alpha male tests his morality, his masculinity, his paternal instincts, and his role as a competitive provider. By the end of the movie, the entire, extended family’s evolution indicates that film-makers believe in both nature and nurture as these authoritarian and permissive families from two social extremes collide (Benokraitis, 2011, pp. 310-312). Combine these factors with an unexpected pregnancy and watch the new Focker couple overcome rules with love.

As an alpha male authoritarian type, Meet the Fockers patriarch Jack Byrnes demands strength, intelligence, decisiveness, modest affluence, conformity, and obedience from the people who enter his self-made ‘circle of trust’. As his family members later point out: “The circle of trust only works if you trust the people inside the circle.” As an authoritarian, Jack chooses a method of discipline for his grandson, Little Jack, which encourages the baby to self-soothe as the child is deprived of all other forms of entertainment, interaction, or comfort. Although Greg’s family clearly subscribes to permissive parenting styles, throughout the movie, Pam’s approach to problems seems to be to confront and accept them, although her stance on parenting never shows. She shows disappointment in Greg and voices her opinions about consequences, which implies that she may exhibit authoritative parenting in the future (Benokraitis, 2011, pp. 311-312). Jack Byrnes would never be satisfied with any man as a husband and a father, excepting himself, of course. Jack fears to lose control and affection, which becomes more evident in the first scenes of the movie, as Greg awkwardly interrupts a father-daughter handshake. This event sets the tone for the remainder of the movie. If watchers thought that Jack acted controlling and emotionally confused in the first movie, then they have much more to see in this sequel. This inner conflict escapes throughout the movie, as Jack warns that “Only the Captain gets to honk the horn” and later finds out that his daughter already carries Greg’s child.

Chapter Eleven of our text concentrates the most on parental roles, and many of the movie represents many of these issues. For example, Jack and Deena Byrnes planned to engage in the typical post-retirement joys of extra spending and traveling in their motor home, which he calls “the highlight of [our] twilight”. During this time, the children move onto new families or activities that take place outside of the home, and middle-aged adults find themselves alone together again and often lacking the intimacy of constantly working toward common goals on behalf of their children. Benokraitis calls this the “empty nest” period (2011). Rather than face that prospect and reconnect with his wife, Jack Byrnes throws himself fully into the care of his grandson, Little Jack.

Jack questions Greg’s suitability as a parent after baby Little Jack glues his hands to a liquor bottle while Greg ran to answer the phone. If this sort of mischief can be achieved in a few short minutes, then the movie raises more concerns about the well-being of the “latchkey children” discussed in our text- except that these children spend whole hours unsupervised and/or alone (Benokraitis, 2011). Jack’s wife, Deena, admits that she rubbed a small amount of liquor on the gums of their son as he teethed, and Jack overrides even her authority as mother and housewife by pointing out that he turned out to be the reckless black sheep of the family. Although straight-laced in his values, Jack himself exhibits gender confusion as he compensates for “empty nest” by creating a breastfeeding harness with a mold of his daughter’s breast. He tries again and again to compensate for his manhood and yet typically chooses the parenting roles of police officer (or drill sergeant) and teacher (Benokraitis, 2011, p. 311).

It would be interesting to see if Greg, who works in the nursing field traditionally filled with women- as even Little Jack notes with a laugh of contempt and amusement- and who himself grew up with a successful father who chose to become a house-husband, would choose to continue with work and traditional breadwinner male status despite his less conventional career and upbringing. This decision becomes even more important when a parent considers that the six highest risk factors directly link to poverty (Benokraitis, 2011). Whatever Greg’s future wife does, one would hope that she makes enough money to satisfy even her demanding father in the event that Pam supported the family. Greg seems likely to be an active parent, and research suggests that the couple’s coresidence and caregiving style suggest that his participation in child-rearing will continue to be involved (Campbell & Martin-Matthews, 2000, pp. 380-383).

Nonetheless, the audience sees how lucky Pam and Greg already are. They are financially stable, sure, but they have a strong and flexible relationship which Benokraitis characterizes as a vital marriage (Benokraitis, 2011, pp. 241-243). We know that it is not a total marriage because the underlying conflicts still emerge within their independent choices and activities. Nonetheless, less than twenty percent of couples are so lucky as to have a marriage in one of these two types not based on convenience. Olson and Fowers (1993) call this a ‘vitalized’ marriage—one in which conflicts happen and are acknowledged and overcome with a high degree of independence and shared decision-making (pp. 9, 12-13). On this strong foundation, research indicates that the couple will likely do well together.

References

Benokraitis, Nijole V. 2011. Marriages and Families: Changes, Choices, and Constraints, 7th edition. Pearson. ISBN: 9780205735365.

Campbell, L. D., & Martin-Matthews, A. 2000. Primary and Proximate The Importance of Coresidence and Being Primary Provider of Care for Men’s Filial Care Involvement. Journal of Family Issues, 21(8), 1006-1030.

Olson, D., & B. J. Fowers. 1993. Five Types of Marriage: An Empirical Typology Based on ENRICH. The Family Journal (1.3): 196-207. Print.

Roach, J. (dir.). 2004. Meet the Fockers. Film. Universal Pictures.