Paragraph Review, Essay Example

Paragraph 1. Timothy Steadman

All in all our justice system will always never be perfect, and for everything else there is not Walgreens, but for the time being why can’t our justice system take a step back and reform its past judgments, statistics of past years can surely show that before these implications of schools and softer treatment, the prison system was more of a stout figure and was more feared than ever before and now it has turned into an adult daycare with more rights than ever before. The word prison is that of confinement, with treatment not to be unfair, but simply the treatment in which you need to survive your time while confined. A no more no less than the person to your right and left, now it is based on the I need I want factor, this is a major play in overcrowding and again should be re adjusted by the justice system.

The topic of this work relates to a review of the US justice system with specific focus on the role of Prisons. The paragraph is somewhat fragmented and lacks a specific problem statement. The remarks tend to suggest remedial actions without providing the reader with a clearer understanding of the problem being addressed. The emphasis changes from suggested legal reformation of the prison system to that of confinement and overcrowding in the prisons. The concept of the prison turning into an “Adult DayCare” leaves a memorable impression. In terms of the continuum of effectiveness I would rate this paragraph as Unsatisfactory.  It is poorly worded, lacks cohesion and conjunction and  fails to have a logical flow

Paragraph 2. Senobia Jabbar

This educational law struggles to accommodate schools, educators, and students with the necessary tools and funding to ensure that the educational system is equipped with the needed funding to promote positive academic progress. The law faces the challenge of attracting highly qualified teachers and it is significantly under funded to meet the demands of the educational system (Goertz, 2005).   As parents, educators, or concerned citizens, this cannot continue to go on and something has to be done to fix our broken educational system. How can our government just sit back and be passive about our children’s future and think that everything is alright when they are not providing the necessary funding to better enhance instructional quality and progress in our schools.

The topic of this work relates to Educational funding and equipment for the Educational system. The challenge statement should be qualified i.e. why does the educational law fail in providing adequate levels of funding ? this would clarify the problem statement.  Emphasis changes from the requirements of the law in attracting quality teachers to that of care of parents and citizens. The word of a “broken educational system” is memorable but the paragraph lacks evedential support in favour of the arguments put forward.  . In terms of the continuum of effectiveness I would rate this paragraph as satisfactory. It has a reasonable logic flow, somewhat poorly worded and appears critical without any convincing arguments.