Peer Evaluation Form, Essay Example

Writer: Paula M.

Evaluator (your name): xxxx

Writing the Research Paper

• Identify the subject of your peer’s research paper. Explain why the subject is too broad, too narrow, or appropriate for the length of the paper.

The subject of her research paper is the analysis of the multiple effects, both positive and negative, that have resulted from the No Child Left Behind Act.  This subject is very appropriate for the length of the paper, but the thesis is very broad and does not include specific points that will be made in the paper.  The thesis should help organize the paper and provide a one sentence road map for the reader.  When I reread the thesis, I think it doesn’t really follow the actual points in the paper.  The effectiveness and ineffectiveness of the NCLB is what is being evaluated.  She should shorten up the thesis and make it more specific so that you can have clear sections of the paper that follow what she wants to write about.

• Find the thesis statement for the research paper. Write the sentence that you believe expresses the thesis statement.

The thesis is how setting high standards and establishing measurable goals can improve claims, criticisms and funding of the “No Child Left Behind Act”.

• Identify passages or paragraphs that provide rational evidence or an emotional appeal that struck you as significant and effective.

The information that she included about her own observations from the classroom setting are very appealing.  These show that she has actual experience within the topic she is writing about and help validate many of her arguments.  I really liked her use of politicians’ quotes that state that the No Child Left Behind Act is unreachable, although our country should always be setting high goals.

The information that she included about the ineffectiveness of teachers because of state mandates that are regulated by the NCLB Act were very appealing.  There should be a lot more of this evidence in the paper because it really grabs onto the negative aspects of NCLB.

• Identify passages or paragraphs of the paper that you found most interesting and effective.

Paley, A. R. (2007) states, “There is a zero percent chance that the government will ever reach their target, of the No Child Left Behind Act.” Critics, including some teachers unions and many testing experts, view the law as an impossible educational illusion. They are lobbying Congress to reduce the 100 percent target and delay the 2014 deadline. They are also pushing for the elimination of sanctions — which can cost millions causing school systems to fail trying to make yearly progress toward the goal.

The art classes consists of art supplies being strolled around on a cart from class to class which I have witnessed firsthand.

Research surveys found that 71 % of school districts had reported that teachers had decreased time spent on subjects not indicated for testing under the federal law so they could emphasize reading and math to meet the state mandates.

• Find and list those paragraphs that need to be supported with more specific details.

The large paragraph on page 5 is very good because it focuses on the benefits of physical fitness and physical activity on the children.  However, this isn’t directly tied into the failure of NCLB.  Most physical education classes have always been reduced at the junior high and high school levels, so this is nothing new.  More evidence should be shown to express how this has changed since NCLB came about.

I can somewhat see where she was going with the final paragraph on page 5 that spills onto page 6 with the diverse backgrounds of children and the need for teaching social communication skills.  Unfortunately, I don’t see how this is applied to the problems or benefits of NCLB.

• That contain any logical fallacies/faulty reasoning. Recommend strategies to improve the effectiveness of those paragraphs.

The information on pages 4-5 that focuses on the mental illnesses of youngsters is unclear.  I find it difficult to understand what role this plays in evaluating the effectiveness of NCLB.  Further information that ties mental illness programs in schools with the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of NCLB will definitely help make this section fuse well with the thesis of the paper.

• Identify places in the paper where the author fails to maintain an objective point of view. What steps would you recommend to the author to correct the problem?

Most of the last half of the paper does not include an objective point of view.  Her mention of the problems with limited resources in the classroom are very appealing to me emotionally, but she neglects to maintain objectivity throughout this latter part of the paper.  More information should be included to help validate the actions of NCLB in this part of the paper so that the reader can see the pros and cons for each of her arguments.  In many cases, we are only getting the cons.  If this is the purpose of the research paper, then perhaps the thesis should be changed and more information should be included that shows the negative impact of NCLB and what can be done to revert these problems.

• Check the writer’s sources and documentation format for both in-text citations and the References page to ensure that they conform to APA requirements. Identify any errors that need to be corrected in the final draft.

No need to include the first and middle initials of the authors you are citing.  Check the citation rules for APA formatting.  (Last Name, Year, p. #).  Also, make sure that the entire references section is double spaced.  All lines after the first line should have a half inch indentation also.  Citation for first paragraph on page 5 with U.S. DOE is incorrect.

The last full paragraph on page four that ends with the National Agenda … should be cited.

• Identify any missing elements for the essay (title, abstract, thesis statement, support for claims, in-text citations, conclusion, or reference list).

All of the elements were included.  Proper citation and paper formatting should be checked, but all of the elements were present.

• Identify any unity or coherence issues that you find.

As previously mentioned, the organization of the paper needs some work.  I would start by restating the thesis, or re-examining it.  If that is the thesis that you want, then make sure that all of your points are specifically tied into the purpose of the paper.

She should take a look at the mental illness section, the physical activity paragraph, and the last half of the research paper that neglects to maintain objectivity.  The beginning does an excellent job of showing how politicians’ believe that the goals of NCLB are impossible to reach, but many of the points of the paper do not focus on the ineffectiveness or effectiveness of NCLB and the impact the Act has had on schools.

• Identify any areas where more effective use of transitional words and phrases would improve the coherence of the essay.

“There are children, families of diversity of various degrees of abilities whether it be gifted or disabled, mentally or physically, and children need to be opened to the elements of this so they can learn of our culture and adapt as they mature.”

This sentence is very rough and confusing.  Examine how it can be more effectively worded so that the reader does not face any confusion issues.

Also, many of the paragraphs are thrown into the paper.  There are no transitioning words or phrases to help guide the reader into the next point.  Notice the sentence I just included here, and then read the sentence that follows in the next paragraph.  The reader has no idea how these two points are related or why there is an immediate transition to AYP tests after focusing on disability and diversity.

• Write a 1 paragraph of what you have learned from providing feedback on the essay you read and receiving feedback on the essay you wrote.

The most important point that I have learned is that what sounds good the first time around, may not necessarily be the most effective way to communicate the point.  We all have a lot to learn for APA citation styles, but I think that overall we have done a decent job at making a strong effort to follow the rules.  It is interesting how the organization of the points and transition of a paper are seen when evaluating another individual’s paper.  This has really helped me see that there are some blatant problems with the structure and organization of my paper, and I need to make a much stronger effort to transition between points so that the paper does not bounce around to the reader.  There are a lot of points to consider when writing a paper of this size, but proofreading and organizing the paper properly will help make the information much more effective and clear to the reader.

• Additional Comments:

She should make an effort to reread the sentences and make sure that it sounds correct to her when reading them.  There are some blatant grammar and sentence structure issues in the first few paragraphs and then towards the end of the paper that make it difficult to understand what is being written.  By fixing these problems, she can make the paper much clearer and more effective to the reader.  Here are a few notes on some grammar or structure problems:

The large paragraph on page 5 has a lot of grammar and sentence structure errors.

Reread the first full sentence of page 6.  It seems to be a run-on sentence and is a little confusing.  You can shorten it or split it up into two sentences to help make your point clearer.