Peer Review of Lauderdale’s “Moving Through Life”, Essay Example

In the introduction, the Settersen quote sets up the argument nicely, although the transition into its application to the post-secondary environment confused me on the first reading. I enjoyed your explanation of the non-monolithic nature of life course transitions. This imagery really helped me grasp the point that you were trying to make about the changing nature of the conditions affecting modern students. Your definitions section gives a better idea of the general direction of the argument; it could be strengthened if you combined the aspects of different definitions into one of your own which demonstrates the paper’s perspective, direction, and specific relevance. The section which explores the three views of age creates a strong argument which could be applied to any life situation. (3-5) Your quotes are strong and not too long. They support the point of each sub-section.

This paper contains minor errors of grammar and punctuation, particularly with subject-verb agreement and word use. In the introduction, you list “race, gender, sexuality” as varying characteristics of the college student, but it would help to insert the standard term of ‘demographics’. Academic papers avoid using ‘I’. The numbers in the body of the second paragraph distract from the brief review of the content flow and might be substituted with ‘First…Second…Finally’. Your assertion that “Overall, I will demonstrate how and why life course transitions matter and argue for an increased sociological mindfulness of the importance of considering age and the life course in both research and theory” (2) seems vague and unrelated to the specific subject of its effects on education. Are you arguing for a change of the curriculum, a minimum age requirement, the establishment of additional support, etc.?

This paper makes excellent points which could be clarified with some minor changes. The research content meets high standards and remains interesting and thought-provoking to read, but it still feels like each time that a point is made, the research and analysis only scratches the surface. With the gentler transitions, which you admitted were a work-in-progress, and minor changes in wording, grammar, and formatting, this article is ready to be further filled out. Since you currently work from a very limited number of sources, these completed sections will likely change as new information enhances the argument as a whole. Your ideas are in place and understandable; it just seems that there is some trouble in getting the words to fully clarify and support your point. Overall, a more specific thesis might help direct the argument, as the issues of college success, home ownership, and elder care do not contribute to a specific point besides that life changes happen- unless the argument examines the personal familial background as a factor in coping with transitions.