Polygamy in Iran, Essay Example

Not in Jest or Earnest: Heba’s Polygamy

From the very beginning, when a fundamentalist Islamic woman uses a vulgar word to describe her son’s motivations for polygamy, this documentary fascinates, especially in its similarities and differences to American TV’s “plyg” show, Sister Wives. Without the luxuries and open communication of Western polygamist families, Heba’s wives feel divided and unevenly favored. In the documentary, he and his newest wife frequently mock the first three. In America, of course, this practice of taking multiple wives would be known either as polygamy or as bigamy (Benokraitis, 2011).

Video Analysis

Perhaps it is unsurprising that Heba’s proposals are less than romantic. He sent a man to ask his fourth wife, “Do you want him or not?” Her choices—to remain with her drug-addicted loafer of a husband or be a fourth wife to a stranger who was more likely to provide for her. The first three wives feel that the youngest, newest wife gets all of the attention and comment that the children who are old and responsible enough leave with their father, and the wives do not see them or their husband frequently enough to stop feeling isolated. However, the first wife remembers feeling the same way with the arrival of just the second wife, whose options were limited by her divorce prior to her marriage with Heba. He met them in town, at the market, as part of the family, and Heba became their husband and, as one wife said, her master.

The bored, dependent women- left to their own devices- argue over what each does and does not do. Heba’s mother enjoys the attention which the newest wife showers on her. Polygamist marriages require the active participation, respect, and authority of the husband to remain balanced. Fascinating biographical study aside, Heba’s mother hilariously sums the state of affairs up, complaining that her sons only care about sexual relationships with new wives and lovingly aggravating one granddaughter, calling her cow. (Her warm, playful tone clarifies what would usually be very offensive to a young teenage girl.) Heba admits as much himself, saying that he has four women to “make love to”.

There are still rare glimpses of Heba as a more compassionate husband and father. The whole family takes a trip to the water, and he alternates between playing with children and talking peacefully with his four wives. He cradles one young daughter as she sleeps during the return trip. One wife remarks that he is “very fair” in providing the same amount of goods to each wife- regardless of any special favor he feels at the time or of the number of people included in her household, provided that it is enough.

Discussion

The ARSRC defines sexuality education as “life long process of acquiring information and forming attitudes, beliefs and values about identity, relationships and intimacy” (2005, p. 2). Thus, the treatment of each wife affected their relationship with sex; they were re-educated in a manner of speaking each time that his attentions toward each of them renewed. One wife openly admits that she wants nothing more to do with Heba unless it is required of her as a wife. The Quran recommends marriage as a means of having children, enriching one’s own daily life- “to dwell in tranquility” (pp. 3-4). Heda’s marriages only fulfills half of this description, offering him an immediate and long-term pay-off: sex in the present and more beloved children and future workers. A man with these aims in mind might prefer a divorced woman for two reasons: 1) her options are fewer and 2) she is less likely to be chaste. Divorced women have some sexual experience, lower expectations, and a personal acquaintance usually with some extreme circumstance, such as alcoholism, drug abuse, physical and/or sexual abuse, cheating, etc. (pp. 3-6). The experiences of Heba’s second, third, and fourth wives reinforces this theory. As Benokraitis notes, most polygamous marriages depend upon an imbalance of power which makes the wife unable to do anything about the direction of her life, and this power imbalance allows emotional abuse which, if engaged in, may lead to other abuses (2011).

Conclusion

Polygamy requires the equal treatment and honor of each wife. If a man cannot provide for this basic element, then he is not ready to add another wife. An outsider watching the footage can see that Heba’s older wives feel preyed upon after he tires of them, and they were each in very vulnerable and helpless positions when Heba proposed. They had no other real choice, and that is usually not an ingredient for a good marriage. Additionally, it sets each wife against each other for their part in a decent life. Second wife Goli said it this way: “A new wife takes your husband away and everything you own” (FOUR WIVES). Third wife Ziba told Heba that he would stone any new wife that he decided to take, and Heba’s lately-favored fourth wife scoffs at the others, calling them too weak to keep Heba happy enough to prevent the need for other wives.

References

“Four Wives and One Husband: Polygamy in Iran”. (Feb. 2013). Documentary. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMfLzPzY2-s.

Benokraitis, N. V. (2011.) Marriages and Families: Changes, Choices and Constraints, 7th edition. Pearson.

Yusuf, H. B. (ed.) (2005). Sexuality and the Marriage Institution in Islam: An Appraisal. Africa Regional Sexuality Resource Centre. Web. Retrieved from http://www.arsrc.org/downloads/uhsss/bilkisu.pdf.