Premarital Cohabitation, Essay Example

Divorce rates are significantly high in the developed nations. In the U.S., the average marriage rate is 6.8 per 1,000 population while the divorce rate is 3.4 per 1,000 population (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) which means that more than half of the marriages end up in divorce in America. Divorce doesn’t only result in negative social consequences but also causes financial hardship to the couple. In addition to expensive legal battles that sometimes ensue, divorce also means that all of the expenses on wedding were a waste. Given the fact that the average American wedding costs approximately $29,000 (Weliver), maybe premarital cohabitation is not a bad idea. In addition to helping the couples prevent huge financial mistakes, premarital cohabitation also offers numerous other benefits.

Premarital cohabitation could be thought of as a ‘trial marriage’. It allows the couple to see what it is like to live as a married couple and share life with each other under the same roof. When people only occasionally meet each other, they are usually on their best behavior. Similarly, when they spend little time with each other, they mostly want to have fun instead of engaging in boring activities. But it is difficult to pretend whole time when you are actually with each other 24 hours. Sooner or later, you are forced to be your natural self. Thus, premarital cohabitation helps couple better understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses and have a better idea of their personalities’ compatibility. In addition, the couple also gets a better opportunity to understand their feelings for each other whether they truly love each other or just want to have good time together. Premarital cohabitation in essence is not much different from marriage except that it is not accompanied by legal formalities.

Another benefit of premarital cohabitation is that it helps the couple be better prepared for marital life. They can prepare strategies to reduce tensions in marital life and have more realistic expectations from their partner after the marriage. One may argue that one can prepare strategies for a successful marriage without premarital cohabitation as well and the key to more realistic expectations after marriage may lie in open and honest communication between the couple. There may be some truth to the alternative solutions but the advantage in premarital cohabitation is that it allows the couple to actually experience the conditions under which they will be living after marriage. This is why we often learn better through actual experiences than through stories or instructions because imagination cannot capture every factor that shapes an experience. A better understanding of a married life may also encourage the couple to compromise more and accept each other’s shortcomings and weaknesses after marriage, thus, a more pleasant start to married life.

Premarital cohabitation is also a pragmatic approach. More than half of the marriages end in divorce which could mean several things. One possibility is that the couple may confuse their feelings for each other. It is also possible that couples rush into marriage when they are not really mentally ready for it. Sometimes couples discover something about each other that is a deal-breaker. It may also be that marriage don’t turn out to be what some couples expected it to be so that also leads to breakups. There may be several other reasons but the common solution to all of these scenarios is premarital cohabitation because it may help the couple determine whether they can handle marital responsibilities. Similarly, divorce may also prove more expensive to the spouse who has more assets. It takes years to accumulate assets yet divorce could deprive one of up to half of all of his/her assets. Thus, divorce in way punishes the spouse with greater achievements in financial terms. This is why premarital cohabitation is a pragmatic approach to ensuring compatibility since some couple may believe that prenuptial agreements violate the spirit of marriage or is unromantic.

The critics of premarital cohabitation may argue that it also causes financial costs to the couple. Married couples get favorable treatments in terms of insurance rates, health insurance, taxes, and certain components of compensation awards which won’t be available to unmarried couples. In addition, they may also point out that it is a delusion that premarital cohabitation may lower the divorce prospects because studies suggest otherwise. In the U.S. and U.K., couples who opt for premarital cohabitation are at a greater risk for divorce than non-cohabitating couples. Such couples also tend to divorce early in their marriage (Stritof and Stritof).

The critics are correct that marriage status does allow the couples to obtain favorable financial terms in some areas but the cumulative benefits can only be justified if the couples cohabitate for a significant period of time without marrying each other. This is because just average wedding costs approximately $29,000 and divorce means all the money was wasted for nothing. Then there are legal costs of proceeding with divorce process and this doesn’t take into account the fact that one partner may also lose a significant amount of his net worth. Thus, the financial costs due to divorce usually exceed the financial benefits that couples may enjoy due to their married status. In addition, the claim that premarital cohabitation increases the risk of divorce is also oversimplification of the facts. A study in Australia concluded that the risk of divorce among young couples who cohabit has been decreasing while those who do not cohabit has been increasing over time (Hewitt). Similarly, while premarital cohabitation may have a higher risk in U.S. and the U.K., the trend is not universal. In fact, cohabiting couples have a slightly lower divorce risk in France and Germany. Moreover, couples who take premarital education courses or counseling are also not at higher risk of divorce (Stritof and Stritof). Similarly, a study by the Centers for Disease Control found that moving together might or might not predict the probability of a divorce. People who move in together with the expectation of a long-term commitment do not have an increased risk of divorce (Freund). Thus, it seems that recent studies do lend support to the idea that premarital cohabitation serves as an effective method to test long-term compatibility.

There may always be an opposition to the idea of premarital cohabitation because certain religious philosophies and conservative cultural values may not support it. But the rising divorce rates, particularly in the west where divorce doesn’t have the same negative social stigma as it has in certain eastern cultures, makes premarital cohabitation a logical step before marriage. It doesn’t only help the couples better understand each other but also helps them avoid costly financial losses.

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Marriage and Divorce. 27 April 2012 <http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm>.

Freund, Susan Dutton. Does Premarital Cohabitation Predict Divorce? 28 March 2012. 28 April 2012 <http://www.yourtango.com/experts/susan-dutton-freund/dose-moving-marriage-affect-your-chances-expert>.

Hewitt, Belinda. “‘Trial Marriage’: Is premarital cohabitation an effective risk minimisation strategy for marriage breakdown?” Social Change in the 21st Century Conference. Centre for Social Change Research, Queensland University of Technology, n.d.

Stritof, Sheri and Bob Stritof. Cohabitation Facts and Statistics. 28 April 2012 <http://marriage.about.com/od/cohabitation/qt/cohabfacts.htm>.

Weliver, David. How Much Does an (Average) Wedding Cost? 2 June 2009. 27 April 2012 <http://www.moneyunder30.com/how-much-average-wedding-cost>.