Relationship Conflict, Essay Example

Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of any relationship. It arises when two or more people have different goals, needs, or perceptions. The most common causes of conflict are criticism, illegitimate demands, rebuffs, cumulative annoyance, and frequency of conflict. Personality traits such as neuroticism and agreeableness can also contribute to the amount and severity of conflict in a relationship (Hines & Saudino, 2008). In addition, attachment style and age play a role in conflict resolution. There are several different ways to resolve conflict, but the most effective method depends on the situation. For example, if two people are arguing over something minor, they may be able to resolve the issue by simply agreeing to disagree. However, if the conflict is more serious, they may need to negotiate a compromise. It may be necessary to seek outside help from a mediator or counselor in some cases. No matter the cause of the conflict, it is important to remember that all relationships go through ups and downs (Muravensocial, Causes of Conflict, Apr 20, 2020). However, with patience and communication, most conflicts can be resolved. The essay will analyze the relationship advice given on Reddit based on the case scenario.

Her conflict began when her partner and she had different goals. They wanted to move in together, but she was not ready for that level of commitment. We argued about this for a few weeks until we finally came to a compromise. We agreed that they would move in, but we would take things slowly and see how it went. This seemed to work for a while, but we started arguing about other things. We would argue about little things like what to watch on TV or where to go out to eat. These arguments would sometimes last for hours. We began to dread spending time together, and our relationship gradually deteriorated. The advice given on Reddit was to seek outside help from a counselor or mediator. The Redditor suggested that we needed to communicate more and try to see things from each other’s perspectives (ThrowRAbreppy11, 2022). They also suggested that we take some time apart to cool down and think about what we wanted from the relationship. She agree with the advice given on Reddit. I think communication is always key in any relationship. I also think it is important to see things from your partner’s perspective. However, I disagree with the suggestion to take some time apart. I think this would only make the situation worse. If we took some time apart, we would probably break up.

The given advice is to “resolve conflict by simply agreeing to disagree.” This advice is based on the premise that conflict is natural and inevitable and that it is impossible to avoid it entirely. While this may be true, the advice does not consider the different types of conflict or the different ways to resolve it. For example, agreeing to disagree may work for minor disagreements, but it is not likely effective for major conflicts. In addition, this advice does not address the issue of personality differences or attachment style. Agreeing to disagree may also be difficult for people high in neuroticism or agreeableness, as they may feel like they are giving in or conceding defeat. It is also important to note that this advice assumes that both parties want to resolve the conflict (muravensocial, Apr 19, 2020). One party may be more interested in continuing the conflict than resolving it in some cases. In these cases, agreeing to disagree is not likely to be effective.

Theories of Relationship Conflict

Social exchange theory states that all relationships are based on an exchange of rewards and costs. In other words, people enter into and stay in relationships as long as the rewards outweigh the costs. This theory can be applied to the situation because we were only together as long as the benefits outweighed the costs. Once the costs began to outweigh the benefits, we argued, and our relationship slowly deteriorated. For example, we used to argue about little things like what to watch on TV or where to go out to eat. These arguments would sometimes last for hours. As a result, we began to dread spending time together, and our relationship gradually deteriorated.

Equity theory states that people perceive fairness in proportion to the ratio of rewards to costs in their relationships. In other words, if two people feel like they are getting the same rewards for the same amount of costs, they will perceive the relationship as fair. However, if one person feels like they are putting in more than their fair share, they will be unhappy with the relationship. This theory can be applied to the situation because we were only together as long as the benefits outweighed the costs. Once the costs began to outweigh the benefits, we argued, and our relationship slowly deteriorated. For example, she felt like she was putting in more than her fair share when she was doing all the cooking, cleaning, and support. On the other hand, her boyfriend felt like he was getting more than he deserved because he wasn’t doing as much work around the house. This led to conflict because we both felt like we were being treated unfairly.

Social exchange theory posits that people weigh the costs and benefits of their relationships before deciding whether or not to stay in them. This theory can be applied to the situation because we only stayed together as long as the benefits outweighed the costs. Once the costs began to outweigh the benefits, we argued, and our relationship slowly deteriorated. For example, she felt like she was putting in more than her fair share when she did all the cooking, cleaning, and support. But, on the other hand, her boyfriend felt like he was getting more than he deserved because he wasn’t doing as much work around the house. This led to conflict because we both felt like we were being treated unfairly.

Analysis

The advice given in the scenario is not likely to be effective in all cases. In some cases, it may be helpful to agree to disagree, but it may not be effective in other cases. It is important to consider the individual personalities and attachment styles of the people involved in the conflict and the goals of both parties before deciding whether or not to agree to disagree. If both parties are interested in resolving the conflict, then agreeing to disagree may be helpful. However, if one party is more interested in continuing the conflict, agreeing to disagree is not likely to be effective. It is also important to note that this advice assumes that both parties want to resolve the conflict. One party may be more interested in continuing the conflict than resolving it in some cases. In these cases, agreeing to disagree is not likely to be effective.

When considering whether or not to agree to disagree, it is important to keep in mind the goals of both parties involved in the conflict. If both parties are interested in resolving the conflict, then agreeing to disagree may be helpful. However, if one party is more interested in continuing the conflict, then agreeing to disagree is not likely to be effective. It is also important to consider the individual personalities and attachment styles of the people involved in the conflict. More agreeable people may be more likely to find this advice helpful, while more disagreeable people may find this advice unhelpful. For example, if she is more agreeable, she may be more likely to find this advice helpful because she is more likely to see the value of compromise. However, if her boyfriend is a more disagreeable person, he may find this advice unhelpful because he is less likely to see the value in compromise.

The advice given on Reddit is not necessarily sound. However, it may be effective in some cases. For example, if two people can agree to disagree, it may help reduce the amount of conflict in the relationship. This can be beneficial, as conflict can be stressful and damaging to relationships. In addition, agreeing to disagree may help prevent arguments from escalating into full-blown arguments or fights. However, this advice is not likely to be effective in all cases. For example, if two people argue over something majors, such as finances or child-rearing, agreeing to disagree is not likely to resolve the issue. In addition, this advice does not address the issue of personality differences or attachment style (Muravensocial, Apr 19, 2020). Agreeing to disagree may also be difficult for people who are high in neuroticism or agreeableness, as they may feel like they are giving in or conceding defeat. It is also important to note that this advice assumes that both parties want to resolve the conflict. In some cases, one party may be more interested in continuing the conflict than in resolving it. In these cases, agreeing to disagree is not likely to be effective. 

References

Hines, D. A., & Saudino, K. J. (2008). Personality and intimate partner aggression in dating relationships: the role of the “Big Five”. Aggressive Behavior: Official Journal of the International Society for Research on Aggression, 34(6), 593-604.

Muravensocial (Director). (Apr 19, 2020). Course of Conflict [Motion Picture]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1-4s7jUGmE

muravensocial (Director). (Apr 19, 2020). Outcomes of Conflict [Motion Picture]. Retrieved April 20, 2022, from Outcomes of Conflict

Muravensocial (Director). (Apr 20, 2020). Causes of Conflict [Motion Picture]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3I0RwHWKVk

ThrowRAbreppy11. (2022, March). I asked my boyfriend why he kept cheating on me. His answer completely broke me.Retrieved from Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/t8tjxt/i_asked_my_boyfriend_why_he_kept_cheating_on_me/