Socialization of Emotions: Interviews and Outcomes, Essay Example

Parenting does not come with a book, unfortunately. If it did all parents’ would be masters of the art of parenting and all children would behave the same and the society in which we live would be close to utopia. There is no right or wrong way to parent. Each parenting style and upbringing comes with reasoning beneath why people parent the way they do and this style usually is formed through learned behavior from their parents or watching others parent.  In this research project, I had the opportunity to interview two mothers that have two very different parenting styles. Each parent loved their kids just as much as the other parent only chose to parent in different forms. The parents’ childhood experiences, how they were raised, and their circumstances have molded them into the parents that they are today.

However most parents don’t realize how their emotional reactions affect their child’s reactions and how their parenting styles and previous lives actually affect their own children.  Parents’ strategies of reacting to their children’s emotion play a big part in the behavioral and psychological outcome of their children. Most parents don’t teach their children to be held accountable for their behaviors and actions, and that’s where behavioral problems can start. One of the most effective and powerful ways to improve a child’s behavior is to make sure the child always assumes complete responsibility and ownership of his or her behavior. This can be taught through simple notions such as taking away a small toy from a child who misbehaves or putting a child in time out for a short period of time to reflect his or her bad behavior. A child that misbehaves is not a bad child, rather is one who has exhibited bad or unacceptable behavior which is quite common for children. Children are not born with innate boundaries and need to be taught them by their parents’ or caregivers. Boundaries help to keep a child safe and secure.  Often, parents inadvertently fail to have their child assume responsibility of misbehavior because they fail to recognize how their own behavior is contributing to the problem. The first mother I interviewed was very keen on this parental strategy, she wouldn’t allow or settle for anything less but her seven year old learning to deal with life’s outcomes and challenges no matter how old he was. My second mother was more tolerant and concerned about her daughter’s feelings, but still tried to instill the mentality that her daughter needs to learn about life skills and how to handle her in situations from a very young age. There must be some kind of medium achieved and the importance is instilling consistency in the child’s life and especially with discipline. Psychologists for decades have argued that externalizing problems are associated with anger and irritability, whereas internalizing problems are linked with sadness/depression, anxiety, and fear. A successful parent is able to make a child trust them to come to them to express their feelings in a very positive and healthy manner.

This act of learning how to control emotions such as anxiety, fear, anger, and depression is called self regulation. “Self-regulation is an integrated learning process, consisting of the

development of a set of constructive behaviors that affect one’s learning. These processes are planned and adapted to support the pursuit of personal goals in changing learning environments.” (Eisenberg 2005).  When a child is younger, he or she relies on their parent or caretaker, or even teacher’s emotion to define how they are supposed to feel about a certain feeling or emotion. “A child’s emotional reaction to an experience is dependent on the emotional regulation of the adult in their life. This can be expressed by a child through numerous ways of communication such as body language, facial expressions, physical touch, verbal communication, and positive reinforcement.” (Eisenberg 2005). Children learn through what they see and hear, especially what they see. They spend most of their younger life which is most impressionable with their parents. Their personalities are developed nearly by the age three. It is vehemently important for a child to have a positive role model at this age.

Throughout this study of my two subjects, it has been interesting to see the differences between the two mothers and their children and how their personas and body language has influenced their children at such a young age.

Both interviews were conducted at the playground near the hospital where I am currently being treated, and both interviewees were willing to meet me with their children nearby where I’m being cared for so I didn’t have to go very far. I considered this experiment and interview very rewarding, interesting, and fascinating. The hypothesis that emotional regulation in a child is determined by the emotional reaction and regulation from their parents or caretakers (or even teacher) is a very probably hypothesis. The two mothers I interviewed had younger children however ( under 8 years old) so it would be very interesting to return in a few years to these subjects and see how these children are growing up and developing given their circumstances and influences. After the age of three when a child is most impressionable the rest of their personality is formed by their school teachers, peers and friends. Hence it is just as important they associate with positive influences.

Both mothers that agreed to participate in the interviews wanted to remain anonymous hence for the sake of this study I will use fake names. My first interviewee, Kathleen has a 7 year old son, Evan. Kathleen is a 31 year old African American who is a single parent and who resides in the urban areas of Grand Rapids, Michigan. While Evan played with the other children who were at the park at the time, I sat down and asked Kathleen my questions. She responded politely, but also was guarded and at some points rough. She spoke to Evan in a rough tone whenever he did something that she wasn’t pleased with, but always positively reinforced him with kinder words or a toy from his bag. Evan was a very well behaved boy and would respond to Kathleen in a matter of seconds even if she just gave him a stern look. Clearly, the authority in this mother-son relationship has been established, and Evan seemed fine with it.

Here is how the interview went, using the questions as given for this research project:

1. If your son/daughter becomes angry because he/she is sick or hurt and can’t go to his/her friend’s birthday party, what would you do and say to the child? Explain Evan can’t go, and tell him to go play or hangout with his older brother.
2. If your child falls off his/her bike and breaks it, and then gets upset and cries, what would you do and say to the child? Tell him it’s a shame we cannot get him a new bike, times are hard- but it’s not his fault he broke his bike.
3. Your child loses some prized possession and reacts with tears. What would you do? It’s my child’s fault he misplaced his toy, but I will try and help him look for it. I don’t give into anything when Evan cries over anything that’s not health/pain/related. I don’t want to raise a crybaby.
4. 4. Your child is afraid of injections and becomes quite shaky and teary while waiting for his/her turn to get a shot. What would you do? Shots are a part of life; he’s going to need to learn that shots aren’t bad; they’re done by doctors and doctors help people.
5. Your child is going over to spend the afternoon at a friend’s house and becomes nervous and upset because I can’t stay there with him/her. What would you do? I work late hours as a single mom and this does happen if Evan gets whiney or ornery, but he just has to suck it up and deal with it over there, sad but that’s how it has to be. If he gets very upset, he can call my cell phone and talk to me and I can calm him down a bit.
6. Your child is participating in some group activity with his/her friends and proceeds to make a mistake and then looks embarrassed and on the verge of tears. What would you do? I would see how he reacts to the situation, how he handles it- everyone makes mistakes and if he’s embarrassed, he can overcome it.
7. Your child is about to appear in a recital or sports activity and becomes visibly nervous about people watching him/her. What would you do? Coddling doesn’t help anyone, I’ll clap and cheer him on, but ultimately he needs to get up there and make his mark!
8. Your child receives an undesirable birthday gift from a friend and looks obviously disappointed, even annoyed, after opening it in the presence of the friend. What would you do? That’s just rude. I would probably give Evan ‘the look’ and then explain later that we need to have manners.
9. Your child is panicky and can’t go to sleep after watching a scary TV show. What would you do? I’d pray with him, read him a bible story or something to calm his nerves then rub his back until he fell asleep. Then probably wouldn’t let him watch that show again!
10. Your child is at a park and appears on the verge of tears because the other children are mean to him/her and won’t let him/her play with them. What would you do? I don’t let other kids mess with my kids, I just don’t. It really ruins their self esteem. I would see if Evan can handle it, or walk away from the situation and if not I’d intervene if absolutely necessary.
11. Your child is playing with other children and one of them calls him/her names, and the boy/girl then begins to tremble and become tearful. What would you do? Same answer to what you just asked me. I would hope that Evan can handle himself but if it continues, I guess I will have to step in necessary.
12. Your child is shy and scared around strangers and consistently becomes teary and wants to stay in his/her bedroom whenever family friends come to visit. What would you do? Evan needs to learn his social skills, there’s no room for rudeness. He needs to be polite to our friends so if he’s going to throw a fit over meeting people at 7 years old, it won’t be happening.

Evan’s mom didn’t stay too long from the interview time and left to take Evan to daycare. As I watched her walk away I realized that although she has a rough personality and was very flat in handling Evan emotionally and verbally, Kathleen is just trying to survive as a single mother, trying to make ends meet. If Evan develops into someone who is a perfectionist and is rough around the edges because his mom didn’t show as much soft emotion as my next interviewee, at least he was taught to be held accountable, and ‘make his mark in the world’ (as his mom stated she wanted Evan to do).

My next interviewee was Karen, a mom of a Caucasian 4 year old named Sydnee, who she referred to in the interview as ‘Syd’. Karen has been married for 15 years and lives in a Chicago suburb and was visiting the Grand Rapids area on the day of our meeting. She considers herself and her family ‘middle’ class. Karen was a very concerned, caring, and attentive mother of Sydnee. Watching them interact, you could see the concern in Karen with every little thing Sydnee did. Sydnee didn’t do anything without looking at her mother first. She seemed to actually ‘need her approval’.  Karen used positive reinforcement in everything Sydnee did. Whether it was going down the slide, coming when called, or even saying what color the swing was.  In turn, Sydnee would constantly be proud of herself because her mother’s emotional, verbal, and physical reactions told her that she was doing something positive.

Here is how this interview was conducted:

1. If your son/daughter becomes angry because he/she is sick or hurt and can’t go to his/her friend’s birthday party, what would you do and say to the child? I explain that it’s not Syd’s fault that she’s sick or ill, but that they can play with their friend who’s having a birthday party another time, and give them an activity to take their mind off of not being able to go to the party.
2. If your child falls off his/her bike and breaks it, and then gets upset and cries, what would you do and say to the child? I would take Syd in my arms, and explain that sometimes things break but as long as she’s okay and not hurt, it will be okay and we can just get her a new bike!
3. Your child loses some prized possession and reacts with tears. What would you do? Explain that Syd should be more careful with her belongings but we’ll look for it.
4. Your child is afraid of injections and becomes quite shaky and teary while waiting for his/her turn to get a shot. What would you do? My religious background does not believe in injections/vaccinations so we are able to opt out of them. Note: When I asked Karen more about this, she said she didn’t want to divulge any more information and seemed uncomfortable, so I moved on.
5. Your child is going over to spend the afternoon at a friend’s house and becomes nervous and upset because I can’t stay there with him/her. What would you do? I wouldn’t rush right over there, I would have Syd stay there for another hour or so she doesn’t feel that I’m giving into every single wish and demand they have, they have to learn to be on their own for abit even if it isn’t in their comfort zone.
6. Your child is participating in some group activity with his/her friends and proceeds to make a mistake and then looks embarrassed and on the verge of tears. What would you do? Let them handle it them handle it themselves but at the same time make a motion or a facial expression letting them know that everything will be okay.
7. Your child is about to appear in a recital or sports activity and becomes visibly nervous about people watching him/her. What would you do? Talk to her before the show and also be there to support Syd but not baby her- stage fright isn’t something I should be giving into, but at the same time I want to let Syd know that I am there for her.
8. Your child receives an undesirable birthday gift from a friend and looks obviously disappointed, even annoyed, after opening it in the presence of the friend. What would you do? Smile at her so she catches on to my smile, and explain post-party that even if we don’t like the gift we still need to teach manners and show gratitude.
9. Your child is panicky and can’t go to sleep after watching a scary TV show. What would you do? Do some deep breathing with Syd, let her know everything is okay and it’s just a movie.
10. Your child is at a park and appears on the verge of tears because the other children are mean to him/her and won’t let him/her play with them. What would you do? Have them try to work it out. Keep an eye on Sydnee but see if she can work it out on her own, if not- have her come to me. Once again I don’t like to baby my children, but I also like to be there for me when they need me.
11. Your child is playing with other children and one of them calls him/her names, and the boy/girl then begins to tremble and become tearful. What would you do? Once again, observe the situation, if they stop trembling and starting to cry well then, I won’t intervene but if it continues, I would probably intervene and go see what was going on.
12. Your child is shy and scared around strangers and consistently becomes teary and wants to stay in his/her bedroom whenever family friends come to visit. What would you do?

I wouldn’t allow this behavior because I don’t want Syd to develop something like social anxiety disorder, which would be very sad. I would probably pick her up put her on my hip and just try to socialize her with everyone so she doesn’t feel alone or nervous but yet is interacting with new people.

The results of these two interviews were that of which I expected. How the parent reacts to the situations that their children have directly effects the behaviors and developmental aspects of their child. I interviewed two different types of mothers in two different cultural, financial, social, and age status’ and found that my findings were correct.

This research proved to be a positive experience and showed me the results I was looking for. I was able to confirm my hypothesis and see how parents are so influential in their children’s lives, even if it’s indirectly. Parent’s emotional responses are so important and influential in their children’s lives; parents just don’t always realize it.  These effects can take direct or indirect effect both physical and psychological. The sooner parents’ realize they have the power to mold their child’s future and take positive steps to do so with a positive force, children will grow up happier, healthier, more educated and better adults in society.

I was limited in this research in a couple of aspects. Since I am very sick, it has been extremely difficult to conduct a much broader and detailed study The park near the hospital was an ideal location for me to conduct my research. I only interviewed two moms, but it would have been interesting to have been able to study more moms of different ages and backgrounds and see how their patterns of raising their children affect their children’s upbringings.

I would like to eventually visit these two children I interviewed and see how they developed over their elementary years, adolescent years, and adult years. I would like to see if Kathleen and Karen’s parenting skills and behaviors changed in order to determine which parenting skills were effective and which were not.

In closing, this research project theory tested proved correct, effective, interesting, and perhaps the basis for another research project in the future as I continue my journey toward finding my niche in the psychological world.

Works Cited

Definitions and Terms in Psychology. www.apa.org/defintionsandterms. Accessed June 9, 2009

Eisenberg, Nancy, Sadovsky Adrienne, Spinrad Tracy L, Fabes Richard A., Sandra H. Losoya, Carlos Valiente, Reiser, Mark, Cumberland , Amanda, and Shepard ,Stephanie A. (2005.) The Relations of Problem Behavior Status to Children’s Negative Emotionality, Effortful Control, and Impulsivity: Concurrent Relations. And Prediction of Change. Developmental Psychology  2005, Vol. 41, No. 1, 193–211

Fabes, R.A., Poulin, R.E. Eisnenberg, N. & Madden-Derdich D. A (2002)

The coping with children’s negative emotions scale (CCNES): Psychometric properties and relations with children’s emotional competence. Marriage and family review, 34, 285-310

O’Neal, C. R. & Magai, C. (2005). Do parents respond in different ways when children feel different emotions? The emotional context of parenting. Development and Psychopathology, 17, 467-487