Testicle Festival, Essay Example

There are a lot of festivals, and fundraisers, and parties, and boozers, and keggers and even fiestas, but none compare to the Calf Fries Festival.  This glorious event could easily pack in and fill less than 1% of the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium – talk about standing room only!  People come from all over in support of a great cause.  This festival has become a shimmer of hope for the Cal Farley organization and continues to serve as its major fundraiser each year.  It originally began with an 8-year-old’s birthday party and eight years later grew to a bona fide extravaganza that involves the entire community.

When you step out of your car, you immediately smell perhaps one of the most glorious aromas ever to come off a frying pan.  Your mouth begins to water and a trans almost immediately overcomes every single person and pulls them towards the middle of the Festival. You can pass by all of the beer venders, but I don’t recommend it!  Try the Miller Draft for $1.99.  Feel the smooth, cold liquid travel down your throat and deliver the most satisfying feeling you have had since sleeping in last Saturday.  Then it hits you again!  The trans from the aroma pulls you in closer and closer until you read the words “Fries Here” on the sign.

This is why everyone has made the journey to this festival.  These Calf Fries are perhaps the best cuisine that the world has to offer and you are about to be one of those lucky individuals to partake.  Everyone walking around you has smiles on their faces.  Parents are double fisting beers while they children run rampant with cotton candy and beg to go on the two favorite rides at this festival – the Whipper and the Zipper.  Great!  Now you have your paper plate with the best Calf Fries around.  Make your way over to the picnic area and let yourself enjoy a little country music and square dancing.  Even the grandparents are out there on the floor cutting a rug better than John Travolta ever could.

These fries look amazing!  Take a look at the perfectly rounded edges similar to that of an egg.  That sure is an odd shape for a fry.  Everyone is enjoying themselves.  The live band plays very well.  Everyone is excited to hear their songs and dance on the floor.  Even one couple decided to get up and dance right next to the table.  Could this be heaven?  Nope! It’s the Calf Fries Festival.  Now, take a bite of that fry and enjoy the food.  Savor the flavor because that first bite is always the best.  As your teeth bite into the odd-shaped fry you immediately taste the glory of fried foods in your mouth.  It tastes a little odd, not what a normal fry should taste like; but it is still good.  Thousands of people are having a great time at this Festival and you ask yourself why you have never done this before, especially since all of the proceeds go directly to the Cal Farley Boys Ranch – such a great cause.

The cook from the table you just purchased those fries from comes over.  He is a bigger gentleman with an apron that does nothing to hide his large belly.  His black cowboy hat fits his oval head.  With a full wad in his mouth he leans down to ask you, “How’s ‘em balls taste?”  You are immediately offended and taken aback at the same time.  How dare he?  “How does what taste?” you reply.  “Those balls” he says firmly.  Immediately it hits you.  There are pictures of cows all over this festival.  What are calf fries anyway?  Then you see it.  The sign above the band tells the entire story and your stomach starts to turn.  Those glaring words “Testicle Festival” are too much for you.  You turn around and immediately feel the hot acid rush up your throat and run out of your mouth.  The man sees this and responds “Shoulda’ been cooked longer.”