The Dance of Wounded Souls, Essay Example

Codependency can be defined as the taking-on of the responsibility for the happiness of someone else: it is all about the taking of responsibility for the other individual’s moods, feelings, and behaviors – and doing all that is essential and necessary in keeping the peace, to make the other individual fee good.

I far too often meet individuals who have been well trained to take care of others even before honoring their own basic requirements. Most people have been raised with the belief that their self-worth is determined by how well they tend to please others- normally the people who are mostly cared for in this world. Actually, caring for others is a quality of the person or soul, but not caring for oneself is a decision that is based on fear but not love- the fear that one might meet with displeasure or regarded as being selfish when he or she puts him or herself first (Coorkely, 2001). What really is the difference between codependency and truly caring for another?
We find that codependency occur when one desires or decides to take care of and please another at the expense of own genuine needs and preference. The codependent individual takes care of another since deep down they have a belief that if they do not, they are not a good individual. The codependent cares for another since they will feel guilty if they actually don’t. The codependent has been trained or raised to have the belief that their needs do not really matter as the ones of the others. Nevertheless, codependency is a personality syndrome closely similar to the addictive love.

Let one take a deep look at his or her own self, and then ask if his or her services and actions to the others are steered by a cheerful need in sharing the good he or she has created in his or her own life. If so, then this is soul-level caring and love. He or she has created what he or she requires and his or her cup runneth over. He or she has so much joy and happiness in his or her life and must share because he or she cannot hold it all. He or she is contented or pleased and find real satisfaction in sharing good time and resources in helping those who are in need. This is emotional giving.
Conversely, if one finds him or herself giving from an ‘empty cup’ then he or she will be exhausted,  indignant, and feel guilty for desiring time to him or herself. One might adopt a frame of mind or attitude of martyrdom and feel very proud of his or her suffering for the others, but this isn’t expressive. This is the consequence or result of determining that he or she will be rejected, despised, or sinful if the individual needs are put on an equal priority with the needs of the others.

• Co-dependency-co-dependent refers to a condition whereby individuals tend to loose the sight of the real or actual meaning of sharing and caring – and hence deride and put-down the real caring and sharing.
• Codependency is a behavior that that can be transferred or passed down from one generation to the other. It is moving and behavioral condition that impacts the ability of a person to have a healthy and mutually satisfying relationship. It should not be considered as a disease, but a learned behavior.
• Codependent behavior is transferred and learned by the others by looking at and copying other family members displaying this kind of behavior.
• The codependency can be maintained through enabling, denial, a avoidance as well as rescuing.

At times the codependent behaviors occurs when an individual with good intentions judge others… seeing someone in need of help and determining to save them without putting into consideration that probably their victim mentality is being enables and assuming that their soul would be served better letting them figure out their own development or growth. One should serve the soul instead of the personality at all cost.

How will one be in a position of distinguishing between codependency and real or true soul-level caring? Here, we find that the answer is actually very simple and easy. The true caring fulfills an individual. It will raise him or her up into a state of unrestricted or unconditional love and peace of mind, clearly knowing that he or she is being of service in this world whereas loving self together with the other. The codependent trait will drain him or her. According to Burnley (1995), some honest or sincere part of oneself will feel discontented, unrewarded, or exhausted.
If one finds him or herself exhibiting the codependent personality, it is important to make a list of the things that are missing in his or her life, these may include playtime, proper nutrition, rest and time for him or herself. It is also important to note down the needs that are not met and they should not be judged whether they are essential or not, since if they are thought of they are important to the soul. It is essential for one to make time first for his or her own needs, and then he or she will be in a position of giving from plenty or abundance of love, energy and compassion.

References

Burnley, R., (1995). The Dance of Wounded Souls, Oxford: Oxford University Press

Coorkely,D., (2001). Recovering Love: Codependency to CoRecovery,  IUniverse