The Mistress’s Daughter, Essay Example

The Mistress’s Daughter by A.M. Holmes tells the story of the author’s adoption and events that follow her from her past.  It captures the details of what happened after her birth parents cam e looking for her, thirty years after they put her up for adoption prior to birth.  Homes’ birth mother was having an affair with a much older man who was married with children; she was only twenty-two years old at the time of the affair.

Homes’ biological father, Norman, does not intrude in the life of Homes, keeping her compartmentalized as he had her biological mother, Ellen.  Ellen begins to stalk Homes at literary events and even expects her to donate a kidney when needed.  Confused, Homes reacts with a myriad of emotions and pulls away from her biological mother.  She becomes disturbed after Ellen’s death as a result of what she never knew about her past and about a part of her life, at least in some connections.

Years after Ellen’s death, Homes tries to find more information regarding her biological mother and father.  Looking at personal items from her mother, however, she is unable to piece together her and her parents’ past.  Unable to find any answers, Home resorts back to imagining what had happened, fictionalizing the love affair of her biological mother and father, which she sees as her only option.

After years of searching through several mediums for family information, it appears as if though she will sue Norman for family information and a copy of her DNA test.  She doesn’t give the reader any response as to whether she went after this, however.  Ending with another part of her family, she closes the book unsatisfactorily with many questions as to her past.

What Homes Discovers About Herself

Homes learns a great deal about herself through the turmoil of her situation.  Discovering much to do with her past and her biological parents’ past, she is taken through many negatives regarding the world of adoption.  She also comes to realize the devastation of a family who is not capable of a “real” family relationship.

The most obvious lesson Homes discovers is in regards to her past.  She learns of the reality of a negative situation that she results from in terms of family.  Affected psychologically by her past, she is taken through many of the negative emotions and questions that are coupled with the unfortunate affair.

Homes discovers that she is truly interested in past events in which she has little knowledge.  Reinforcing her focus on the details of her biological parents’ past, Homes is driven to obsession looking for details and family genealogy details.  Her obsession in which she is led to hire researchers and spend many hours of researching to find these details is characterized by her lack of identity.  She realizes how linked her sense of self and family, in broad and particular contexts, are shaped by her past and lack of identity.  These missing elements and information provide a great deal of turmoil.

Homes in the end is forced to realize her position.  Affected by her past efforts and lack of knowledge of her family, she is tempted to legal action to which we do not find the result.  Ultimately Homes discovers that she must find some common ground upon which to move from, away from the drastic psychological pressure that she has recounted.  She develops an understanding of her past and identity which she must leave behind in many respects.

Lessons Learned from the Book on Parenting

From the perspective of parenting, the book teaches on the value of identity within a family.  Families must have knowledge about our origin, both in an immediate and overarching construct.  Items of genealogy are important to find identity, as well as information regarding the history and events of members of our immediate family.

The most revealing lesson of the book has to be regarding parental involvement.  We see the turmoil of Homes as she suffers the results of the lack of contact from her biological parents.  Combined with the previous point in the lack of information from her family, it causes a great deal of stress that affects her sense of self and identity within a family.

The book places a great deal of introspection into parents or future parents.  A lack of communication and identity for a child from events such as these can have devastating consequences.  Parents must have a positive relationship with children, in order to help them develop a better realization in what a family means to an individual.  Homes suffers from the resulting communication and relationships she has with her biological parents, from volatile behavior to that of keeping her at a distance – the book allows parents to see the resulting turmoil firsthand.

The book allows these lessons to be witness from the hand of Homes.  In turn, parents are able to see how unhealthy family relations can be devastating to a child’s sense of self, and that of their conception of family.  Such lessons are seen within the book, and are able to be expanded upon from these examples.