Why Should Jews Marry Jews, Essay Example

It is evident that the Holocaust was the most devastating Jewish tragedy of all time. The scale of the tragedy was unimaginable. There were more Jews lost during the Holocaust then during any other period of time in history. You might ask how we can manage to avoid a tragedy like this in the future. While there is nothing that we can possibly do to avoid future tragedies like the Holocaust, there are certain things that we can do to avoid similar massive drops in Jewish population. Surprisingly, the greatest current day threat with regards to a massive drop in Jewish population is not a mass murder, cancer or any other such tragedy. The greatest threat to the Jewish population currently and for many decades to come is merely Jewish intermarriage. I use the term merely because unlike the devastation caused by the Holocaust was inevitable, Jewish intermarriage destroying our Jewish population could be avoided.

The vast majority of Jews in the United States don’t recognize Jewish intermarriage as a serious problem and don’t take trouble to think and recognize it as a problem. Though this problem is extremely difficult to combat, is feasible to conquer. Consider these statistics taken from the 1990 National Jewish Population Survey when determining whether or not Jewish intermarriage is a serious issue. As of 1990 (keep in mind that the marriage rate is significantly higher currently) 52 % of all Jewish marriages in the United States were between Jews who were married to someone who is not Jewish. Tellingly, only 18% of the children of intermarriages identify themselves as being Jewish. Let’s examine these numbers from a hypothetical point of view. Let’s say out of 5.5 million Jews living in the U.S. Then 2.8 million Jews are intermarried, and it is an increasingly big number. When the scale of the problem is not even thousands, but millions, it is an ethnic disaster.

Today, Jewish intermarriage is common sight. According to the National Jewish Population Study that was conducted in 2001, the intermarriage rate had been before 1970 – 13%, between 1970 and 1979 – about 28%, between 1980 and 1984 – 38%, between 1985 and 1990 – about 43%, between 1991 and 1995 – 43%, and between 1996 and 2001 – 47%. Nowadays this rate is reported to be on the level of one half of all marriages. (Judaism)

The reasons for intermarriage are rather complex. Now they are different from ones that were several centuries ago. For example, intermarried Jews were considered as those who rejected Judaism and wee mourned in their families. Intermarriage today is primarily the result of American Jews living in an open society in which they are more likely to meet non-Jews; American Jews now are less educated about and thus attached to Judaism and their Jewish heritage (Judaism).

All branches of Orthodox Judaism view intermarriage as something wrong and consider intermarriage as a “Second Silent Holocaust.” Traditionally, those who married non-Jewish were rejected and mourned. To say more, for Orthodox Jews laws of Torah are equal to laws of nature, and in Torah deems it impossible for a Jew to marry non-Jew. Now, as religion became more loyal in America, for example Conservative Judaism, some change of heart to intermarried Jews is present. Reform Judaism and Reconstructionist Judaism’s don’t even have any restrictions against intermarriages.

Though Rabbi Association has clear position about intermarriages, these branches possess no established view. Rules direct most Reform Rabbis do not officiate at intermarriages. But by stipulation all of them can act as his personal convictions and conscience say. In other words, there is no ban imposed on intermarriages in Reform Judaism.

Reconstructionist Judaism is also tolerant about intermarriages and even considers Jews all children of one Jewish parent, of either gender, if they were raised as Jews.

According to recent surveys, 50 per cent of American Jews would not object if their child married a gentile, and 78 per cent claimed that they do approve of Rabbi’s tolerance of Jew gentile marriages. It shows how far modern Jewish society is from Orthodox ideals and how deep is the problem of intermarriage now. It gives some numerical notion about how ignorant are most Jews about intermarriage problem.

Nowadays, intermarried Jews are considered as usual Jews and are not rejected, though their intermarriage is considered a trouble for the society, because children of intermarried Jews in 70 percent of cases are grown not as Jews. Usually a non-Jewish spouse is expected to move closer to Judaism and in the best case to adopt it. Of course, it is not controlled properly. Such loyalty gives young Jews an impression of free choice and thus they see a possibility to neglect a tradition and marry anybody they want, irrespective of their religion. This is a very important factor that influences and forms Jew’s idea of marriage and intermarriage, and its influence cannot be underestimated.

Another serious problem that leads to intermarriages is lack of proper Jew education. Intermarriage is really a symptom of a much greater problem: the lack of a proper Jewish education. What kind of education is now available for our children? Are they taught and presented proper examples of being Jewish? Are we giving them that kind of experience that is needed for them to realize themselves as a Jews and understand the importance of being Jewish? (Shemtov, 2005)

Rabbi Eliezer Shemtov emphasizes that Jewish education of parents also suffers now. Parents do not dedicate much time to their own personal spiritual development. If parents do only what they want to and I do not realize the need to obey a superior authority, how can they expect their children not to do the same? If you do what you want to, your child will do what he or her wants to, and if you disregard the superior authority, it is predictable that you child will also do so. A respect to superior authority must be observed by the child and thus learned and retained.

He also insists that the maximum priority today must be given to ‘upgrading the quality of Jewish education, both on a personal level as well as at the institutional level’ (Shemtov, 2005). He points out that when it comes to education there can be no compromises about its quality. Maximum quality must be demanded. Really, to cite Rabbi’s words:

‘Would we send our children to a school from which they would graduate without knowing how to calculate the area of a circle or be ignorant of who was Napoleon Bonaparte? Why, then, should we accept a standard of Jewish education which does not enable the students to decipher a page of Chumash or Talmud in their original text or does not teach them who Rabbi Akiva, Abaye, Rava, Rashi, Rambam and Rabbi Yehudah Halevi were and what their contributions to Jewish thought and culture are?’(Shemtov, 2005)

What is current state of affairs in education field? The vast majority of American Jews stop receiving their Jewish education after age of thirteen. It results in their rudimentary knowledge of Judaism, and they fail to get profound knowledge of theological, philosophical, and ethical teachings of Judaism. Their heritage that must be clear to them remains vague and unclear, and thus they do not perceive intermarriage as a deliberate rejection of Judaism because they simply know very little about Jewish marriages.

To support the last thesis it is reasonable to say that it has been found that the more intensive the Jewish schooling, the lower the rate of intermarriage. The intermarriage rate among Jews who received no Jewish schooling is about 43 percent. Notably, this rate among those who received some kind of Jewish education is 25 percent. Even more rare sight is among attendants of Jewish day schools or yeshiva. So it comes as no surprise that Orthodox Jews give their children more intensive Jew schooling and thus have far less intermarriage rates. The conclusion that can be drawn is obvious – to lower the level of intermarriages, American Jews must receive proper Jew education.

Openness of the American society does put paid to Jew gentile intermarriage. As Goldberg said in his ‘Resistance to Assimilation: North American Jewish Opposition to Intermarriage’, the egalitarian, universalistic principles of American Society were adopted by some Jews, thus ruining their basic religious convictions that clashed with the norms of American society (Goldberg, 1983). Romantic love that was supposed to cross ethnic boundaries in the choice of a marriage partner was chosen as an alternative to Torah-prescribed marriage. Parents failed to provide persuasive arguments against intermarriage, to defend their opposition to children marrying outside the ethnic group. Instability of such marriages that was a popular argument was inconsistent as intermarriages showed to be as happy as any other marriages can be expected by American norms. The mistake of the parents was largely their inability to raise the problem of group survival. The intermarriage was not perceived as a rejection of the Judaism, it did not lead to negative attitude from friends. It became commonplace. Though A. Goldberg conducted his research in 1983, the problem now is very much the same. The only thing that has changed is the scale of the tragedy.

Another societal reason is religion that adjusts itself to society. During hundreds of years Jews obeyed Torah and never questioned themselves about ‘how far did Torah rules suit them?’ It is a modern feature that religion changes according to people’s requests. However silent and unobtrusive, requirements of time would be taken into consideration – earlier or later. Orthodox Jews cannot even think about marrying not-Jew, because Torah tells them that it is impossible. Not-Orthodox Jews belong to society that wants its religion to change and adjust to its needs, and in one way or other Reform Judaism and Reconstructionist Judaism does it. People change to ease their lives and not think about their spiritual life. They tend to think that romantic love and earning money are worthy of their attention, while Orthodox Judaism requirements are obsolete and biased. But what they really do is ruin the great society that was so thoroughly saved from assimilation through hundreds of years by what they deem to be strict rules.

There is another point of view. A matter of opposing intermarriages is that the real motives people have for opposing intermarriage are not always based on religious considerations, but are also based on social ones (Shemtov, 2006). ‘Nobody has made an in-depth study of the relations between Jews and non-Jews in today’s society. But there are some very unpleasant elements in this relationship. Just like there are many non-Jews who have negative attitudes towards Jews, I would venture to say that the same percentage of Jews have the same attitudes towards “goyim”’ – said Rabbi Shemtov in his book ‘Dear Rabbi, Why Can’t I Marry Her?’

It is not an issue of racism and intolerance, but the social aspect contributes enough to the problem of intermarriage. It would be unfair to say that the resistance to intermarriage within the Jewish community does not contain a heavy dose of racism, just as it would be untrue to say that there is no discrimination towards Jews. It is a problem that weighs heavily.

So there is a certain need for measures to be undertaken. This need is clear since 1966, when first serious works about American Jews were published, and ever since that time nothing serious was undertaken. From 1960 to present days, rates of intermarriages were gradually raising, showing slow but sure assimilation of American Jews.

As Goldberg pinpoints, the main factors that can contribute to resistance to intermarriages are synagogue attendance, acceptance of religious beliefs, and maintaining social isolation. All these factors lead to a higher Jewish social psychological identification. This identification is an important part of the intermarriage problem resolution. Although things like synagogue attendance, acceptance of religious beliefs, and maintaining social isolation can be really alive and are constantly maintained in some Jewish communes, there is a certain decline in either acceptance of religious beliefs, or maintaining social isolation. It is especially difficult to maintain social isolation in open American society. So such measures are radical, but thy also are the most efficient when it comes to radical problem resolution.

Obviously, in order to decrease the intermarriage rate all of aforementioned reasons must be overcome.

First of all, Jewish education must be an indivisible part of Jewish upbringing. Not only does it apply to schooling that must be deepened and seriously reviewed. Jewish education must include theological and religious issues. It also means that Jewish children should find the examples of real Jews in their families. This cooperated change of upbringing will lead to changes in children world perception. First of all, they will rise with a correct idea of being Jewish and they will be proud of it. Second, such beliefs will be close to inherent, as they will not be taught, but they will naturally learn basic things about being Jewish from their Jewish parents. Young Jews will self-realize themselves as Jews from the very start of their lives. And it is the main step to intermarriage rate lowering, as Jewish self-identifying will lead them to religious studies, and profound and sincere religiousness will lead them towards Jewish only marriages.

Religion must be an important part of young Jew’s life. From the parent’s behavior to synagogue attendance, Torah learning and interpreting – everything must help a young Jew realize its place in this world, realize that he or she is not a simple creature that can do anything he or she wants, but a human created by G-d. A Jew must be aware of its obligations; he or she must follow religious canons.

Consequently, religion must insist on intermarriage impossibility. As Orthodox Jews say that intermarriage is impossible between a Jew and gentile person because it is a will of G-d. Real Jew cannot marry gentile person. He will not be a Jew in that case. It is a law, similar to the law of nature. Judaism division to the branches put paid to intermarriage rates as different branches interpreted their attitude to intermarriage in different ways. So, Reform Judaism, Reconstructionist Judaism and other non-Orthodox Judaism branches must clarify their attitude to intermarriages and change it to strictly negative. Such measure will be a powerful tool to influence Jew’s choice of spouse. Lots of people will understand that what was good for their predecessors who did manage to save the Jewish culture will be good for them.

In American open society, the best way to avoid intermarriages is to make Jews adolescents mingle with each other and become more interested in such communication. If not to take into account Jewish communes, some new reasons to communicate can be created. In my opinion, some programs can be launched in order to enhance ethnical communication, such as festivals, meetings or common interest places.

As a part of previous point, I deem it necessary for everybody to realize the scale of the problem of intermarriages. Though there are tens and hundreds of examples of families of intermarried people who were really happy in their lives, Jews must understand that they are tools in G-d’s hands. And this fact influences greatly human attitude to the whole world, not least marital issues. There is a way to change social behavior that includes encouraging people that they are under formidable threat. In my opinion, this is the very case when people can change their attitudes according to the fact that their ethnicity, their society is under threat.

A powerful tool to enhance ethnical group communication is online dating sites. When told in their families that the best partners are Jewish, young Jews may not find suitable people in their colleges, schools or anywhere they communicate. And online acquaintance may turn the openness of the American society into from the deficiency into a benefit. Jews from different parts of the country could find other Jews who would seek for partners. Simple as it may seem, this measure is not that popular with young Jews.

As traditional Jewish life includes certain isolation from other social groups, special Jewish dating sites may be of great effectiveness. The rest will depend on the openness of communities to technologies and personal willing and desire.

There are a lot of Jews who realize themselves as Orthodox Jews and are fond of social Jewish isolation. This way of life corresponds to the one that Torah prescribes. Many of Orthodox Jews, if not all, disapprove of intermarriage. The problem is to make the rest of Jews, who are not Orthodox, understand that this is the problem of the national scale. And even if they know it, or may be they somehow have heard about it, they must think twice before they choose their spouse. When this fact will become obvious, clear and actual for each and every Jew, when changes in behavior, upbringing, religious views, family behavior, and even social interaction will take place, the fundamental improvement will occur.

It is not that easy to achieve. So many Jews, so many lives… But all of us are Jews. And this very fact means so much for us that we must prove our ability to help ourselves out and save the ethnos – by reducing intermarriages rate.

Works Cited

Goldberg, Albert I. “Resistance to Assimilation: North American Jewish Opposition to Intermarriage” Institute of Contemporary Jewry,1983. March 30, 2009 <https://www.policyarchive.org/bitstream/handle/10207/9994/Goldberg-Jewish%20Population%20Studies16.pdf?sequence=1>

“Jewish View of Intermarriage”. About.com: Judaism March 30, 2009 <http://judaism.about.com/od/interfaithfamilies/a/intermarr_jew_2.htm>

Shemtov, E. “On Intermarriage”. Shabad.org. Ideas and beliefs March 30, 2009 <http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/148995/jewish/On-Intermarriage.htm>

Shemtov, E. Dear Rabbi: Why Can’t I Marry Her? Targum Press, 2006 <http://books.google.com/books?id=7iE4UkusohkC&hl=en>