Cloud and Gary Collins, Book Review Example

In this writing we are going to analyze, compare and contrast two psychological works: How to Be a People Helper by Gary R. Collins and Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

These three authors are licensed clinical psychologists with a PhD who have broad range of experiences in giving psychological courses, private practices leadership consulting and developing their own psychological programs for personal intellectual development.

According to the cite information devoted to the psychologists, Henry Cloud and John Townsend developed the Ultimate Leadership Program, an effective workshop designed to accelerate the personal and professional growth of businesspeople, pastors, ministry, and small-group leaders. So, their work is mostly aimed at assistance in developing personal leadership qualities (Dr. Henry Cloud).

As far as Gary R. Collins is concerned, since 1991 he has been one of the leaders of the fledgling American Association of Christian Counselors. He is also the founder of the official AACC magazine Christian Counseling Today. Much time has he been devoting to developing Christian counseling and Christian coaching worldwide. As well as his colleagues Henry Cloud and John Townsend, he pays much attention to studying the psychological aspects of leadership. So, to his other responsibilities, he currently holds a position as Distinguished Professor of Coaching and Leadership at Richmond Graduate University (formerly Psychological Studies Institute) in Atlanta and Chattanooga (Meet Gary Collins).

According to Dr. Gary R. Collins, the Bible is the best means of learning how to help other people with their problems. However, the majority of those having the desire to become a people helper do not know how to apply Scripture and the basics of the Christian faith to life. “Most of the problems we encounter in counseling are far too diverse and complex to be solved by quoting a Bible verse or by applying some pat biblical formula,” writes Dr. Collins (8). Nevertheless, he states that Bible is able to give the main direction and many clear principles which enable the person to assist others in solving their problems. Thus, the psychologist Gary R. Collins considers the expression of civilian humanity to be closely related to main biblical principals, e. g. his people helper is naturally a Christian people helper.

The book How to Be a People Helper by Gary R. Collins is addressed to those who wish to develop people-helping counseling skills. First, it deals with different types of counseling approaches. The author means to convey the idea that there are no limits to our capability to help people solve their problems. He speaks about advantages and disadvantages of various approaches adding that these approaches can easily complement each other.

Dr. Collins emphasizes here that both laypeople and clergy are eligible for helping people. Moreover, he admits that lay-counseling may be even more useful than professional one. Because while professional psychological help is vital in dangerous life-threatening situations, lay-counseling is the matter of everyday life and, therefore, is compulsory as the means of keeping people in a healthy psychological state in their everyday routine. To add, he considers that psychological help should not be a mere treatment with the help of tests and pills. According to the psychologist, compassionate and responsive attitude of a close friend who is always ready and available is much more effective and encourages fast spiritual healing and recovery. So, much attention does he devote to friends’ helping as the most effective type of counseling (16).

Furthermore, there are several points that Gary R. Collins considers extremely important and useful. First, those who intend to help others should prepare themselves for this. Here he means not their academic qualifications, but the qualities of soul and character. Second, they need to learn to see other people. As it is very unusual today to listen and try to understand other people rather than oneself, Dr. Collins emphasizes this as a principal quality of a people helper (25). This statement again proves that the author in his advice on psychological assistance refers to the main Christian counseling principles.

If take into consideration the stated above, the following lines by Henry Cloud and John Townsend look rather controversial: “What a privilege to serve God and these women, Sherrie! By giving up a little portion of your life, by letting go of your selfishness, you can make a big difference in some lives. Think it over” (20). These words belong to the heroine of their book Boundaries, who got used to unquestioningly respond “yes” to any requests of her relatives, friends and colleagues. The psychologists demonstrate thereby the life pattern of a person who is unable to ignore problems of other people whoever they belonged to. So, the people of this type are always sacrificing their own interests for the sake of other’s ones. What is significant, Henry Cloud and John Townsend emphasize ironically that the behavior like this is the best example of the abundant Christian life. At first sight it seems that the authors reject the idea of Christian humanity, demonstrating its negative influence on some people’s lives.

Nevertheless, after the diary-like story of submissive Sherrie they start the detailed analysis of the main mistakes of her outlook on relationships with other people. “Taking responsibility for others isn’t working. A master of taking care of the feelings and problems of others, Sherrie feels like her life is a miserable failure. Sherrie’s unproductive energy, fearful niceness, and over-responsibility point to the core problem: Sherrie suffers from severe difficulties in taking ownership of her life” (25).

Remarkable is that Henry Cloud and John Townsend express their arguments with reference to the Bible: “Made in the image of God, we were created to take responsibility for certain tasks. Part of taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what our job is, and what isn’t. Workers, who continually take on duties that aren’t theirs will eventually burn out” (25). In such a way the psychologists demonstrate that even Scripture may be misunderstood and this misunderstanding may result in harmful consequences.

According to the authors of the book, a healthy life is impossible without clearly defined boundaries (28). Boundaries mark those duties for which we are responsible. According to the authors of the book, wise comprehension of the notion “boundaries” enables people to create their own world, getting rid of odd things and attracting necessary ones. The psychologists Henry Cloud and John Townsend state that boundaries influence all areas of our lives: there are physical boundaries, mental boundaries, emotional boundaries, spiritual boundaries. For the majority of Christians a believer means loving and unselfish one who forget their own limits and limitations. It seems aweless to set limits to close friends and relatives. So, the authors teach that misunderstanding of the role of these limits in our lives may lead to many clinical psychological symptoms, such as addictions, depression, guilt problems, marital and relational struggles and panic disorders. In their work the authors mean to teach the reader what the healthy boundaries are and what the best way of setting them is.

If compare these conclusions of Henry Cloud and John Townsend to the ones made by Henry Cloud, it seems strange at first sight that the famous psychologist contradicts so strongly to the apparent arguments of his colleagues. As the example may serve the way he teaches the reader to help others. First, he talks about careful preparation, e. g. one should learn not to make much psychological effort while listening to the person who needs help (18). At the same time it needs much concentration, awareness of not jumping to conclusion without complete information. Then, it is helping to formulate a plan of actions, giving advice, preaching or arguing. Extremely important for him is also rejecting personal motives and personal needs. In addition, it should be revised that Dr. Collins uses the instance of Jesus in his earthly ministry to formulate what Christian people helpers should do.

To make the seeming opposition of two books more apparent let’s look at the following phrase from the book Boundaries: “Would you like for me to help him to have some problems?”(28) These are the proposition of the psychologist to his clients – the parents who visited the doctor to solve the problems of their son who is drug-addicted and unable to stay in school and find a career. Thus, the doctor sees the problem in the fact that the parents relieved their son from all the problems and did not allowed him to solve them himself.

In the process of comparing these two books it is important to view the notion “altruism”. What should be clearly understood is that being altruistic towards others means indulging to oneself however controversial it sounded. If ask oneself what one would like to wish close relatives and friends, the answer would be: “I would like…” So we know that there will be no happiness in our lives, if our children are ill, if they are suffering psychological disturbances, lack of education or attention from beloved people. So, as we need to be happy, that the one who is interested in helping other people is we ourselves. And it depends upon others if they agree to be helped. Even if we help people sacrificing our own interests, it means that in such a way we express our subconscious need to be a fool of circumstances.

So, it is very important to understand that all you are doing is first of all aimed at your own benefit. That is what Henry Cloud and John Townsend mean when they are talking about responsibility and ability to define “what is me and what is not me” (29). The things that we are seemingly doing for others we are in fact doing for ourselves. If take this fact into consideration, we will not consider the people we helped our debtors and wait from them the like actions. This statement is proved by Gary R. Collins in detail. He teaches how to become more sensitive to the feelings and needs of those around us, how to counsel, how to understand when professional help may be needed, and how the principles of Christian discipleship form the basis for the process of helping people.

Thus, judging by the stated above, if try to combine the purposes of this two seemingly oppositional books, it is to teach people how to help others without sacrificing one’s own interests and wishes.

The psychologist Gary R. Collins in his book How to Be a People Helper distinguishes among various types of counseling friends helping as the most effective type. It seems that Henry Cloud and John Townsend would support his point of view. In their book Boundaries they write: “Feelings come from your heart and can tell you the state of your relationships. They can tell you if things are going well, or if there is a problem. If you feel close and loving, things are probably going well. If you feel angry, you have a problem that needs to be addressed” (40). In such a way the authors of the book mean to say that the closer people to each other, the more vivid their feelings to each other. It implies also that it would be easier for them to understand each other’s problems and therefore to help. At the same time, they state: “Your feelings are your responsibility and you must own them and see them as your problem so you can begin to find an answer to whatever issue they are pointing to” (40). In the context of the book it means that one should set limits to the expression of his or her feelings and attitudes in such a way that will enable to feel comfortable in the relationships with other people. Thus, while Gary R. Collins is talking about aspects of relationships that make people be closer to each other, Henry Cloud and John Townsend lay an emphasis on setting of boundaries. Moreover, one of the chapters in the book is fully devoted to setting boundaries with friends. Though, it should be noted that the psychologists draw particular attention of the reader to the fact that they should be set properly and tactfully not to harm the friendship. It means, on the one hand, not to be unwilling to say “no”, always accommodating others’ needs, on the other hand, not to overly rigid boundaries (to the point of being righteous and judgmental).

Important is also the fact that while the author Gary R. Collins is talking much about our being responsible for the people whom we are helping, Henry Cloud and John Townsend pay particular attention to the positive aspects of allowing others to be responsible for themselves. They write that those unable to set proper boundaries think that to hold people responsible for their feelings, choices and actions is cruel. According to the authors of the book, assure the reader that it is the opinion that should be the first to be extirpated in case one wants to live a healthy life (23). Again, the authors of both books refer here to the Bible. But while Dr. Collins gives the example of Christ who suffered to save us, Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend are talking about the man who had made a free choice to work for a certain amount of money and was angry, because someone who had worked fewer hours had gotten the same wage. And Jesus Christ told him: “Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius?” (42). The psychologists also add that making decisions based on other’s approval or on guilt breeds resentment, a product of our sinful nature. Thus, the authors of both books make reference to the same literary source and even the life of the same person – Jesus Christ. However, they emphasize the opposite sides of his study that are, nevertheless, true.

Very similar is the attitude of the three psychologists to love. In both books the authors express the point of view that many people have difficulty giving and receiving love. The reason for this is hurt and fear. As the consequence, they close their heart to others and therefore feel empty and meaningless. Here the Bible again is cited by Cloud and John Townsend. According to it, the heart should be able to receive grace and love inward and give them outward. Therefore, the heart should learn to receive and give love. At the same time, according to the authors of Boundaries, it should learn to do it without sacrificing its own freedom (47).

Dr. Collins speaking of love touches only the point of sympathy to other people that enables to share their problems and help to solve them. The important aspect here is that we learn to fight the fears of guilt, loss of love, loss of connection, loss of approval, receiving anger, and so on (49).

Interesting is the way the psychologists are viewing the problems of activity and passivity. Again, they are doing it from different points of view. Henry Cloud and John Townsend are discussing the fact that only those who are active and assertive can succeed in life. In contrast, those who are passive and inactive are losers. The authors use this statement in relation to people’s ability to set boundaries. “Many times we have boundary problems because we lack initiative – the God-given ability to propel ourselves into life. We respond to invitations and push ourselves into life” (99). The also state that it is easier for children to set healthy boundaries, because they are naturally aggressive, e. g. active. The psychologist Gary R. Collins, speaking of people’s activity, pays particular attention to the fact that in order to be able to effectively help others, one should be always “awake”. Only in such a way one will be able to reject his or her personal motives and needs and turn to the needs of the other person. Nevertheless, if take the statements of the authors of two books, they have the similar message – if you are active, you will definitely succeed whatever your purpose – to set boundaries or be a people helper. Here again, the authors turn to the words of the Bible: “God’s grace covers failure, but it cannot make up for passivity. We have to do our part. The sin God rebukes is not trying and failing, but failing to try” (99).

However, it should be noted that Henry Cloud and John Townsend in their book are talking not only about setting boundaries, but also about ability to expose oneself to other people in a proper way. For instance, according to them, boundaries should not only be set, but also apparent to others, so that they would not be communicated indirectly or through manipulation.

In Boundaries there are many aspects that at first sight seem to be contradicting the main statements of the Bible. So, an extreme of boundaries may be irresponsibility or using the notion “to set limits” as an excuse to say “No”. The thing is that without a strong biblical background or the support of those having it these concepts can easily be misapplied and used as weapons instead of defenses to protect ourselves. Nevertheless, the risk of misapplication of the concepts does not negate the fact that this book is biblically sound, and promotes the concept that enable to build healthy relationships, if applied correctly.

Both books include information on how others will react on the changes in the reader’s behavior when he or she starts to apply the authors’ recommendations. They are the opposite. In case of setting limits, it is inability of friends and relatives to accept the existence of your private space and attempts to intrude into it. In case of helping people, it is resistance of the person to be helped to the helper’s intrusion into his private space, even if it is as smooth as possible. Significant is that in both cases the reactions like these are unhealthy and need proper examining and healing. Dr. Collins even states that in some cases it is almost impossible to help by oneself and in this case the professional assistance becomes compulsory.

In spite of the fact that the book How to Be a People Helper by Gary R. Collins is meant to teach people help others, it does not imply rejecting all one’s interests at all. One of its chapters is devoted to the ability to help oneself and keep from carrying too many burdens. Thus, the author of the book also exposes many myths that some Christian believers have about the setting of boundaries. These include the implicit belief that good Christians are always available for assistance and have no boundaries at all. Too many Christians mistakenly believe that to set boundaries is to injure someone, to be egocentric or, in the case of leader-following interactions, to be disobedient.
So, we have read and analyzed two psychological books: How to Be a People Helper by Gary R. Collins and Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

These two works seem very different, even contradicting each other. How to Be a People Helper tells us about the necessity to help other people, while Boundaries insist on usefulness of setting proper boundaries. Thus, it seems that while Gary R. Collins is talking about aspects of relationships that make people be closer to each other, Henry Cloud and John Townsend lay an emphasis on estrangement of people.

Moreover, while Gary R. Collins is talking much about our being responsible for the people whom we are helping, Henry Cloud and John Townsend pay particular attention to the positive aspects of allowing others to be responsible for themselves.

We have also found out that the psychologist Gary R. Collins considers the expression of civilian humanity to be closely related to main biblical principles, that is why he is actively applying these principles to his study. At first sight it seems that Henry Cloud and John Townsend reject the idea of Christian humanity, demonstrating its negative influence on people. But it appears to be an irony which they use to prove that even the Bible may be misunderstood by those not having a proper biblical background. In fact, they also give biblically-based answers to the main questions, showing in this way how to set healthy boundaries with parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers. If observe the people’s reaction to the behavior of the reader, in case he decides to use the main principles of the books, it is also different.

Thus, the two books are very different. They are even opposed to each other. However, they can successfully complement each other as well. Therefore, if try to combine the purposes of this two seemingly oppositional books, it is to teach people how to help others without sacrificing one’s own interests and wishes.

Works Cited

Cloud, H., Townsend, J. Boundaries. New York, USA: Zondervan Corp, 1999.

Collins, Gary R. How to Be a People Helper. New York, USA: Tyndale House Pub, 1995.

Dr. Henry Cloud. 2008. 25 Feb. 2009. <http://www.drcloud.com>.

Meet Gary Collins. 25 Feb. 2009. <http://www.garyrcollins.com/about.php>.