Letter From Gogol to Maxine, Essay Example

Dear Maxine,

I am writing to apologize to you for the way that we ended up, and for some of the things I said and did to you. It is important to me that you understand a little bit about where I was coming from and why I did some of the things I did. The only way I can think of to do that is to explain how much the time we spent together meant to me, and why I came to realize that things could never work out for us in the long run. I know that when people break up they often say things like “it’s not you, it’s me.” In this case that happens to be the truth. There was nothing that you did wrong, or could have done differently. In fact, I still remember you with much love and respect. I don’t know if you ever expected to hear from me again, or if you care to read about any of the things I want to tell you, but I always felt like you deserved an apology and an explanation from me about my behavior.

First of all, it’s very important to me that you know how much the time we spent together meant to me. I have very fond memories of the time we spent at Gerald and Lydia’s house. It was quite an unusual experience to me to be in such a large quiet house, when I was always used to being around a lot of people, like family members and neighbors coming and going all the time. I know we discussed it sometimes, but I don’t know if I ever really expressed to you how much I admired and even loved your parents. All my life I have had times where I felt like an outsider because of my heritage and your parents never made me feel that way. Watching the affection between the two of them was sometimes quite surprising; because I never saw my parents show each other affection in that way. I still recall watching Gerald resting his head on Lydia’s shoulder and wishing my parents had been like that with each other.

The relationship we had, and the relationship your parents had, taught me a lot about how things could be between two people, but they also reminded me of how different you and I really were, and probably still are. When my father died I suddenly began to realize how much distance I had put between myself and my family. You were very supportive of me through all those times, and I still remember when I eventually came back to the city and you were waiting for me at the station. I also remember how upset you were when I had to travel back to Calcutta, and I did not choose to bring you along. Looking back on that time, I regret that decision. After all you had done for me and meant to me I should have not behaved that way. I had just been going through so much, and was mostly concerned about how my family would feel about it. The truth is that I should have considered your feelings as well.

After a little time passed after out breakup I was able to understand myself a little better, but I always wondered if you understood me or if you felt badly about me afterwards. I ran into your parents a while after we broke up and they told me you were engaged. I was very happy for you. I also got engaged, and even got married, but that didn’t work out. I do feel like I might finally be able to be happy with just being myself now. I hope you are happy too, and I hope that my explanation will keep you from thinking poorly of me.

Love,

Gogol