Love Types and Subjective Well-Being, Essay Example

Every time I hear the phrase “experience is a good teacher”, I am most often than not reminded of the times I have spent in my grandparents’ home and had the most constructive lessons that I have ever learned from life.  One of these visits which I think has been the most impressionable, was when I was about seven years of age. I watched my grandmother work in the kitchen and tell me stories.  My parents had the regular practice of leaving me with my grandparents every now and then. Notably, such instance gives me a chance to know more about the world and myself as well; some things I may not have been fully aware of.  I can see in retrospect how this point in my life showed me how much connection I could establish with my grandparents and how well their thoughts could lead me to a better point of living and create a better perception of how life is and what it is really about. In this presentation, I would like to give a brief overview of how life has changed for me as I embraced a new essence of my being while I gradually give attention to my grandparents’ teachings while I was staying with them.

My parents did go away pretty often and I ended up staying by grandparents on some of those occasions. During these times, I helped in taking care of my two younger sisters. My brother normally stayed by an aunt who has a son a year older than him. My father went all over the globe on business trips. He was a buyer for a tile company (before he retired), and my mother often accompanied him.

It’s my mother’s parents I often stayed by with. My mother’s side of the family are morning people, and sleeping in was frowned upon. They’re up with the birds. My grandparents showered me with a lot more affection than my parents did while I was growing up. They were more generous with compliments and made me feel a lot better about myself – more confident, etc. My grandmother taught me cooking and baking skills.

They also treated me with little gifts here and there. One of them which I remember the most vividly was a rubix cube.  I was in a drugstore with my grandfather and he notice my interest in this object and asked me if I want it. Most of my friends had one and I had been wanting to get one for a while. Although it’s a small material object, it meant a lot to me. It was not only the excitement of acquiring something I had been wanting to buy, but, more so, the feeling that he loves me and wants me to be happy which was transmitted. I came to realize how love can change a person.

Whenever I am staying over, there is a distinct pattern of activities I need to get along with. After waking up, my grandmother usually prepared breakfast and explained what she was doing as she went along.  She would often say that I need to be a “balabusta”, which means a good housewife. There were times when we baked cookies together. I’ve got to say, this was one of the most wonderful parts of the day.  My grandmother was renowned for her cookies, and there was little she enjoyed more than baking them.  There was also little I enjoyed more than baking them with her.  The smell in the kitchen, can put anyone into bliss.  She struggled to communicate with me in her broken English, and  I appreciated the effort she made.  She knew a number of languages, Yiddish as her primary language, yet the English language was not her fortay. My Yiddish wasn’t any better. We understood each other nevertheless. I found her language to be a unique part of her.  It was entertaining.

This was all very different in comparison to how my mother took care of me.  She usually restricted me from handling any particular home appliance for fear that I might hurt myself or at some point destroy the food. She liked to take care of the cooking and baking on her own. She allowed me to do other household chores, such as vacuuming, washing the floor and doing the laundry.  I was also given a lot of responsibility in the care of my younger two sisters. My grandmother has different philosophies.  She allowed me to handle kitchen appliances.  She said that it was training to learn how to live on my own, and as well, without taking chances, one will never learn. That is what life is about.

I could still remember how the book Stitches marked my childhood as I was growing into learning what it means to face life’s challenges. In the book, the primary characters’ mother has some personality that challenged him as a person; this allows him to become more extensive in seeing what life could give him. His mother reminded me of mine who was of ten cold, critical, and scolding, yet, she also had it hard growing up.  The words of the rabbit doctor stuck with me – “Your mother doesn’t love you!”  As painful as it was for him to hear and difficult to accept, I think it helped him to make sense out of his life, enabling him to move on.  He rose above his challenges and built a life of his own.  Both his mother and grandmother had major psychiatric problems, but he broke that chain.  He didn’t follow in their footsteps.

At the end of the book, his mother is making him a path to the mental asylum where his grandmother is a resident. Yet he took a different path.  Through this material I realized how my grandparents helped me in more ways than I know, and how love can change a person.  We need more than food, clothing and a roof over our heads,  People also need affection.

I received that unconditional love from my grandparents that’s needed that’s needed to become a strong and confident adult.  We need to be able to love ourselves and others despite our imperfections.  It has to be okay to make mistakes. My grandparent’s inspired me in many other ways.  Their attitude about life was refreshing. They enjoyed their chores.  They said to make sure to have fun doing what you do.  It is easier to take on life’s challenges when they are made fun and lighter.  With that perspective, I would be able to take on life’s greatest gifts at a much better course. What makes this memory ecstatic is the fact that it created a new being in me; a new person that is capable of handling life’s most critical situations.

About a year after my grandfather died, my grandmother sold her house and moved into an apartment which was close to my parent’s area. It was difficult for her to be alone. It’s hard for anyone to be alone, but she was a people’s person. She thrived on being with people. Her situation someone brings Jo Ann Beards’s essay “The Fourth State of Matter” to mind. Some people take care of animals as if they were people. Everyone needs to feel that they have purpose and that someone else needs them. Nevertheless, even though I grieved at the loss of my grandparents, I feel that I can give something back by practicing the principles which they have taught me.

I made it a point that at every decision I make, their ideas, their teachings and their principles would shape my thinking and my final decisions.  They may have never been rich with material things and material possessions. But they have given me the right chance to be involved at the better sense of living, and embrace a more fruitful aspect of my being. I want to be able to do something more than just living through the principles that I was taught by my grandparents. I want to be able to share what my grandparents have taught me for I know that it will make other people more productive and more positive about life itself.  I know that if I am able to share my stories with friends and to individuals younger than I am, they too would be able to learn more from my grandparents; this is the legacy in life that would keep their memories and thoughts alive, not only on me, but on those whom I tell about them.

True, life is full of surprises; most of the time, the most compelling events will take you by surprise relatively insisting on how you would develop on facing life’s most challenging adversities. Making the best out of these situations is what makes a person the better version of whoever he might become. This is where experiences come into a better aspect of the picture. Notably, people who experience life’s most challenging situations develop to be much stronger and wiser than the others.

It could be understood that it is with this aspect of personal improvement that humans become more capable of growing against the pressures and become more effective in making the best out of the experiences they get from life. Through time, experiences [and the people involved in it] shall make an individual a better person, based on how he sees the situation and how he is able to manage the pressures accordingly. I love my parents. I do not mean to say otherwise.  Yet, the relationship is very strained.  I accept my challenges in dealing with them as opportunity for growth.

This part of my life proves that in terms of developing a much deeper essence of personal improvement, experiences play a great role especially in identifying the most competent elements that determine the overall capacity of a person to live a life that is full and purpose-defined. This is where the concept of reasonable living comes in place. The ways by which individuals become fully aware of their surroundings and gain ample control on how they apply the lessons they learn every step of the way.

Works Cited

Kim, Jungsik; Elaine Hatfield (2004). “Love types and subjective well-being: a cross-cultural study” (PDF). Social Behavior and Personality (Society for Personality Research) 32 (2): 173–182.

Newberg, Andrew B.; Newberg, Stephanie K. (2005), “The Neuropsychology of Religious and Spiritual Experience”, in Paloutzian, Raymond F.; Park, Crystal L., Handbook of the psychology of religion and spirituality, New York: Guilford Press, pp. 199–215,

Beard, JoAnn. The Fourth State of Matter. http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1996/06/24/the-fourth-state-of-matter. (Retrieved on January 8, 2015)