Marriage and Family Counseling, Reaction Paper Example

According to Dr. Samuele Bacchiocchi, a professor of religion at Andrews University in Berrien Springs, Michigan, many of today’s Christians have been affected by divorce, either related to their own marriages or those of immediate family members and friends. Bacchiocchi notes that one pivotal factor that has contributed to the “alarming escalation of divorce among Christians is the growing acceptance of the societal view of marriage as a social contract” as contrasted with the biblical definition of marriage as a “sacred covenant, witnessed and guaranteed by God Himself.” ¹ In addition, Bacchiocchi observes that many cherished Christian values are being “challenged both within and without the church” which has resulted in much confusion over divorce and remarriage. ² Therefore, what does biblical scripture have to say about this controversial topic that should be of great concern for all Christians?

As Michael F. Ross reminds us, the apostle Paul provides some very appropriate comments or instructions in First Corinthians regarding divorce and remarriage. To paraphrase the apostle Paul, because marriage is “founded upon the biblical basis of a covenant” with God, all violations or deviations, such as adultery, “lead to the dissolution of the marriage covenant.” ³ More precisely, Paul declares to those who are married in the eyes of God and who cherish their marriage covenant with God that “the wife should not separate from her husband, but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be

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1. “Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible,” last modified 2014, accessed April 10, 2014, https://www.biblicalperspectives.com/books/marriage/4.html.
2. Ibid.
3. “Biblical Grounds for Divorce and Remarriage,” last modified 2010, accessed April 10, 2014. http://www.equip.org/articles/biblical-grounds-for-divorce-and-remarriage.

reconciled to her husband. And the husband should not divorce his wife.” ⁴

Notice in this passage that the apostle Paul does not provide any conditions under which a husband or a wife can divorce their spouse. Obviously, the main reason for this is because a marriage between two Christians is a covenant with God and as the apostle Paul observes, are bound by the laws of God to remain faithful to each other and to treat one another with respect and admiration. Also notice that Paul stresses the fact that a woman should remain unmarried if she does separate from her husband; however, there is no indication here that a man is forbidden to re-marry which in many ways reflects the ancient patriarchal system in which the man is head of the household and is responsible for everyone, including his wife, living in his home.

In God, Marriage, and the Family, author Andreas J. Kostenberger, senior research professor of New Testament and Biblical Theology and a distinguished evangelical scholar, due to the fact that marriage “is a divinely ordained covenant institution, rather than merely a human contractual agreement. . . divorce is permissible” but only in exceptional cases. Apparently, the only two acceptable reasons for making divorce permissible, at least according to the Holy Scriptures, is sexual marital unfaithfulness or adultery “as well as desertion by an unbeliever” or a person who has not accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Savior. However, even under these circumstances, “reconciliation is to be the aim,” due to divorce being the “least favorable option.” Kostenberger adds that since divorce is biblically allowed, so is remarriage. ⁵

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4. “64 Bible Verses About Divorce and Remarriage,” last modified 2001, accessed April 10, 2014. http://www.openbible.info/topics/divorce.
5. 2nd. ed. (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2010), 272.

Thus, what does the Holy Bible have to say about remarriage? In the Book of Romans, we find the following passage that sums up the question of remarriage–

“For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her   husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.” ⁶

From this we can assume that a husband can only remarry if his wife dies. The apostle Paul supports this by declaring that “Death alone releases a spouse from the marriage bond.” This simple explanation helps to shed some much-need light on the biblical viewpoint of marriage “as a permanent union severed only by death.” Thus, for the woman, her obligation to maintain “conjugal fidelity” or to be faithful to her husband “continues throughout the whole life of her husband.” ⁷ Otherwise, as found in the Book of Matthew, a man “who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” ⁸

In the Book of Mark, Jesus teaches that both divorce and remarriage is not permitted for either the husband nor the wife, due to the fact that marriage is a “divinely established covenant relationship that must not be put asunder” by the laws of man. Thus, if it was at all possible to ask God about His views on divorce and remarriage, the crux of

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6. “64 Bible Verses About Divorce and Remarriage,” last modified 2001, accessed April 10, 2014. http://www.openbible.info/topics/divorce.
7. Samuele Bacchiocchi, “Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible,” last modified 2014, accessed April 10, 2014, https://www.biblicalperspectives.com/books/marriage/4.html.

8. Ibid.

His response would support the permanence of all Christian marital relationships as covenants. ⁹

In essence then, there appears to be a fine line between what is acceptable and unacceptable in relation to divorce and remarriage as found in the Holy Scriptures. This is not to say that what the Bible teaches is a paradox; rather, it is merely attempting to offer ways of behaving in order to preserve marriages. As the apostle Paul remarks in Second Corinthians, all Christians, “even those who are unequally yoked with unbelievers” must do all that is possible to maintain their marriages, “both for the honor of Christ and for the spiritual good of spouse and children.” However, if a Christian man or woman is married to a non-believer and either spouse “decides. . . to desert the marriage or seek divorce, the Christian does not need to work to preserve the marriage” and if the marriage ends in divorce, the Christian spouse “is free to remarry–but only to a fellow Christian.” ¹⁰

When the marriage of a Christian couple ends up so to speak “on the rocks,” many opt for professional counseling which helps to save marriages by bringing the husband and wife together to work out their problems. As Henry A. Virkler relates, because couples are “in a great deal of pain and often feel hopeless” in relation to saving their marriage, Christian counselors must “minister God’s grace by showing empathy for the pain and hopelessness that they feel.” ¹¹ This is just one of five specific ways to show

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9. Ibid.
10. Ibid.
11. “Divorce, Remarriage, and the Christian Counselor,” last modified 1997, accessed April 11, 2014, http://www.sfacconline.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Divorce-Remarriage-and-Christian-Counseling-by-Henry-Virkler.pdf.

God’s grace through Christian counseling.

The second way is to provide to the couple the “opportunity to share their pain in a safe, non-judgmental environment” where the couple can summarize their marital problems via God’s covenant of companionship. For the Christian counselor, listening to what the couple has to say is of prime importance because it demonstrates “God’s grace in a number of ways,” such as showing that the counselor cares which is the “first step in an action plan to specifically address the unmet covenantal needs” of the couple. A third way is to relate to the couple the specific Scriptural principles concerning marriage, divorce, and remarriage which helps to create a “biblical goal toward restoring the marriage” while de-emphasizing biblical commands which may prove to be counter-therapeutic. ¹²

A fourth method of approach for ministering God’s grace is to have the couple reminisce about how they met and why they were initially drawn to each other. An example is to have the couple “remember one or more times when their relationship was good and the feelings that they shared.” This approach helps the couple to also remember their covenant with God. Lastly, the Christian counselor can utilize a solution-focused approach, such as asking the couple “to identify the first steps toward restoring their relationship” as man and wife. ¹³

Overall, the Holy Scriptures “clearly and consistently condemn divorce as a violation of God’s original plan for marriage as a lifelong union.” This basic principle

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12. Ibid, 29.
13. Ibid, 29.

“demands that a Christian couple experiencing marital conflicts should not seek to resolve them through divorce” which in essence negates the need for remarriage. ¹⁴ In effect, reconciliation is the key via Christian counseling in order for a husband and wife to continue to uphold their personal covenant with God.

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14. Samuele Bacchiocchi, “Divorce and Remarriage.” Bibliography “64 Bible Verses About Divorce.” Last modified 2001. Accessed April 10, 2014.  http://www.openbible.info/topics/divorce.

Bacchiocchi, Samuele. “Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible.” Last modified 2014. Accessed April 10, 2014. https://www.biblicalperspectives.com/books/marriage/4.html.

Kostenberger, Andreas J. God, Marriage, and the Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation. 2nd. ed. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2010.

Ross, Michael F. “Biblical Grounds for Divorce and Remarriage.” Last modified 2010. Accessed April 10, 2014. http://www.equip.org/articles/biblical-grounds-for-divorce-and-remarriage.

Virkler, Henry A. “Divorce, Remarriage, and the Christian Counselor.” Last modified 1997. Accessed April 11, 2014. http://www.sfacconline.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Divorce-Remarriage-and-Christian-Counseling-by-Henry-Virkler.pdf.