Peer Response, Reaction Paper Example

There is a clear center and focus of this essay and it is obviously the writer’s love of the ocean and beach. Starting in the first paragraph, the writer begins with a string of imagery that very descriptively outlines what in particular the writer enjoys the most about the ocean. Examples of this are how he describes how it can “carve through cliffs” and “lay…still as glass”. It is clearly the power and restraint of the ocean the writer appreciates the most.

The only thing that seems a bit disconnected from the rest of the essay is the intense imagery, and overdrawn description of the drive to the beach, the experience the writer had when he or she got there, and the next morning. At this point it sounds more like a step-by-step narrative weighed down with unnecessary comparisons–this entire section could be shortened in order to better connect with the main idea, which is clearly the ocean.

The introduction definitely serves to not only gain my immediate attention, but to give an overview of the idea. Most people can also directly relate with the images of the ocean the writer provides, further adding to its effectiveness.

Two of the most convincing parts of the piece are the descriptive imagery, as well as unyielding comparisons and metaphors used throughout the piece. The imagery, especially in the kite sequence as well as the final paragraph, helps to makes the piece strong and relevant. The writer uses consistent metaphors throughout the piece as well. These also serve to make the piece more relatable.

The essay fulfills both the requirements as well as its own purpose. Two specific passages I would like to know more about are what happens after the final paragraph, as well as perhaps other things done while at the beach.

One change is definitely to reexamine the grammar and syntax used. There are a considerable amount of errors. The other would be to shorten the middle of the piece to make the ending more effective.

This piece needs grammar and syntax help rather badly. There are comma splices throughout, as well as incomplete sentences. Polished, a great piece of writing.