The Secret Life of Bees, Book Review Example

Personal Reaction

It seems to me that the main reason for Sue Monk Kidd to write this book was the desire to show people that no matter how difficult and challenging their lives may be or seem, no matter how tough and severe their life circumstances and crisis might be, there is always hope, love and healing to be found in the world.

What I liked the most about Lily’s story is an application of not simply a positive way of thinking, but of a truly positive and love-providing philosophy of life. While the possibility of bereavement, injustice, personal crisis and breakdown is acknowledge, still the book is full of witticism, life-strength, and an anticipation of the better things to come. For the most part it is due to the Lily’s own natural cheerfulness, sense of humour, and imagination. Generally, even in the most depressive situations, she continued to “wake up to wonder every day” (Kidd 300) or preferred to see an event from a brighter perspective than it really was. “I still tell myself that when he drove away that day he wasn’t saying good riddance; he was saying, Oh, Lily, you’re better off there in that house of colored women. You never would’ve flowered with me like you will with them” (299-300) – it seems to me that to believe in such a thing was absolutely in Lily’s character and that was exactly the feature that helped her to cope with a personal crisis. Furthermore, this is the feature that I want to develop in my own character as I would never in my life be able to deal with all that stress that Lily had to face during a single summer period.

But it is not only Lily’s character that makes the book so uplifting and full of redemption. It is also largely due to the world that exists inside the pink house and to the relationships between the Daughters of Mary and the “Calendar Sisters”. It seems to me that from time to time all of us have a strong need for such a place as a pink house to where we can elope and where we can be provided with a consolation and relief. August’s behaviour towards Lily made me understand that whenever a person is going through a crisis there definitely must be a period when that person should be left on one’s own, no questions should be asked, and comfort and rest should be provided; but still the moment must come for the person to face the truth and one’s problems, because otherwise one will continue to live in the world of illusions and won’t be able to confront another life crisis.

Another aspect which I absolutely loved about The Secret Life of Bees is that even though the final of the book is a kind of a happy end, still it is not a classical ‘Hollywood-like’ happy end. It is quite realistic and down-to-earth in the sense that Lily still remained the only one responsible for the death of her mom and she still needed to learn how forgive herself for doing that and how to live with that grief. And it seems to me that Sue Monk Kidd was right in believing that it was absolutely out of T-Rays’ character to change, to ask Lily’s forgiveness and to start loving her. No matter how well everything had turned out to be, life is still life and people can’t be changed from top to bottom in a couple of weeks. And we must come to realize that even though there are people around us who would share our sorrow and provide consolation, none the less we are the only one accountable for our actions and behaviour, and that’s the lesson that Lily learned through her path of finding inner strength and love, which eventually led to maturity.

Components of the Crisis in the Book

It seems to me that in the book The Secret Life of Bees Lily Owens is experiencing a crisis reaction in the aftermath of the death of her mother of which she herself was a cause. At this point it can be concluded that the origin of the crisis developed when she was four, but the precipitating event which led to the breakdown and a crisis reaction has appeared when Lily turned 14. The confession of T. Ray that her mother had actually abandoned her played for Lily a role of a ‘last straw’. The perceived meaning was that she is unlovable. Lily had already been accustomed to not being loved by her father, but she couldn’t bare even a slightest possibility that she was neither loved by her mother. Thus Lily became unable to solve the problem in her usual way which was to escape to a dream world where she was cherished by mother. Therefore, she applied an ineffective problem solving by eloping from T. Ray in attempt to find out anything about Deborah’s life. When Lily arrived to the pink house she was suffering from a functionally debilitating state as she was unable to face a problem and try to solve it, all she could do was to wait for the right moment to come which was due to her unconscious need for rest and consolation.

Rosaleen’s perception of the precipitating event was that she had an idea that T. Ray’s words might turn out to be true, but she decided to set aside all her guesses as she didn’t want to hurt Lily further. At this point Rosaleen wasn’t able to play a role of a crisis worker as she cared about Lily, but was unable to solve the problem. T. Ray’s perception of Lily’s elopement was that the pain and shock that he was suffering from when Deborah ran away returned to him and burst out in anger and hatred towards his daughter.

Erikson’s Developmental Stages and Mcgoldrick’s Family Cycle

When the crisis reaction occurred Lily has turned 14 and thus according to the Erikson’s developmental theory she was in the Adolescence (Fidelity) stage. This stage is characterized by an individual’s attempt to gain own identity. At this phase a person is trying to understand how he/she is perceived by others. The main task of this stage is to figure out which role one is going to play in the world of adults. Lily’s own vision of herself as of an unlovable person which developed due to the crisis reaction and her belief that this is how she appears to others made her think that there is no future waiting for her and thus there is no possibility for her to find own identity in the adult world (“I don’t think I have much of a future now” (120)). But eventually as Lily overcame the crisis she became able to meet the tasks of the Fidelity stage as her eagerness to become a writer, a teacher of English, or a beekeeper had returned. Furthermore, with the help of August, Lily eventually came to realize that she could fit in the society by being herself and by finding love and strength in the internal rather than external factors.

When the origin of the crisis occurred (that is the death of Deborah) the family was in the stage of Parenting (Families with young children). It seems to me that at that moment Deborah herself was going through a critical period caused by the disappointment in her marriage and her life in general. Therefore, neither T. Ray nor Deborah have achieved commitment and compromise before the birth of Lily and thus they were not able to take up the responsibility of having a child. After the death of Deborah the family wasn’t able to cope with the stress caused by the event. Both Lily and T. Ray were left with the feeling of being abandoned and betrayed. At this point T. Ray didn’t manage to overcome his anger and disappointment which later led to the development of a family crisis which occurred when Lily turned 14. It came out that they both were living as independent individuals rather then a united family.

Hansell’s Basic Needs

Prior to the onset of the crisis of all the seven basic attachments that help a person to achieve needs for Lily was met only the first group containing supports necessary for existence (food, water, information). Lily didn’t belong to any peer group: she was ignored by other kids in a school, she didn’t have any friends except for Rosaleen (and she can’t be considered a peer) and thus she was completely isolated. This is a sign that a need to be connected to the group was failed. Lily was doubtful about who she is and whom she is going to be in the future, all she knew about herself is that she had killed her mother. This is a sign that a need for a definite self-identity was also failed. And that’s quite obvious that Lily didn’t possess any comprehensive system of meaning with clear priorities in life and that was proved by her feelings of alienation and detachment.

As the result of the crisis there was a threat to such basic needs as a need for intimacy and exchange of deep feelings; need for a social role; and a need to be linked to a cash economy. If Lily didn’t go to the pink house there would occur a definite failure to meet all these needs as she would stay without a place to live, without a prospect of graduating from school, and in the end without a job. But due to the possibility to stay with the Boatwright family Lily re-gained all those basic needs that she was lacking (intimacy, belonging to a group, self-identity, system of meaning) and there appeared a great chance that in the future she would be able to meet a need for a social role and a need for a purchasing power.

Defense Mechanisms

The major defense mechanism that Lily used was that of denial. She completely rejected a slightest possibility that her mother could ever leave her. For some period of time she was absolutely unable to break the wall which she constructed around her feelings as she preferred to stay in the imagined world where even a hypothesis of her mother acting like that was bizarre. None the less, as time passed Lily faced the truth and the pain that accompanied it by accepting the fact that her mom did abandon her. This acceptance made way to a normal grief and eventually to healing. To some extend Lily was also using rationalization as a defense mechanism – “Some things were not possible in this world. Children did not have two parents who refused to love them. One, maybe, but for pity’s sake, not two” (41). In her actions Lily also applied several positive defense mechanisms. That were affiliation (sooner or later she did turn for help to August); self-observation (all the time Lily tried to stay aware of her feelings and their nature); and suppression (for a certain period of time she set aside the problem and returned to it only when she felt that the right moment had come).

Other examples of defensive mechanisms that were used by the characters in The Secret Life of Bees include: passive aggression, apathetic withdrawal, regression, sublimation. Aggression, apathetic withdrawal and regression were demonstrated by T. Ray. After the death of Deborah he chose to alienate from his daughter and in some way from the rest of the world (the only creature he cared about was his dog Snout) which is an example of an apathetic withdrawal and at the same time he exercised direct aggression towards Lily and a passive one towards others (“…I knew he’d loved Deborah Fontanel, and when she’d left him, he’d sunk into bitterness” (293)). T. Ray also showed a kind of regression as he turned out to be unable to live over Deborah’s run off and to take up the responsibility of being a caring father to their daughter. Zach used sublimation as a defensive mechanism after experiencing a shock of being taken to the jail for no reason at all. But in the end he decided to apply his anger towards the white people and the present state of affairs is a socially acceptable way as it motivated him to go to the college, to become a lawyer and to change that existing status quo.

Crisis Worker

There was no crisis worker in its traditional sense involved in the situation of Lily and her father, but it seems to me that August Boatwright perfectly solved all the tasks and achieved those goals that a crisis worker usual has to reach. August acted wisely when she postponed the crisis intervention and gave Lily the possibility to have rest and to calm down – “I wanted you to have a chance to get yourself on solid ground, get your heart bolstered up first” (236) – but none the less when the time has come she called Lily back to face the truth about her mother and explained her the necessity to accept it and to move on. As a good crisis worker August also established a connection between the Lily’s and T. Ray’s current crisis and their past experiences that led to it. She also helped both Lily and her father to start perceiving the situation from a new viewpoint by showing T. Ray that there was no need for him to take his daughter back to the peach farm as he himself didn’t want to have her there. She also made Lily understand that forgiving oneself and others is a great aspect of being a mature person.  However, from a certain viewpoint August’s work may be assessed as one leading to a negative result as she didn’t manage to maintain the integrity of the family. But I think that in the given circumstances of The Secret Life of Bees to let Lily stay in the pink house was the best solution available, because there was no understanding and unity between Lily and T. Ray in their living as a family.

Outcome of the Crisis

I think that there were two major outcomes of the crisis – one concerning the Owens family as a whole, and the other one involving Lily as an individual. If to take the family of Lily and T. Ray then the outcome was something like a breakdown and ruining of the group. But for Lily the crisis resulted in the experience of growth as she discovered new inner resources that helped her to cope with the stress and to move on with her life. However, it seems to me that for a certain period of time Lily did experience an emotional breakdown which was finally transformed into a normal anger (throwing jars of honey against the wall in the honey house) and grief (Lily going through a period of mourning while trying to forgive her mother and herself) reaction with an appropriate and healthy resolution of accepting things, making conclusions based on everything that happened and drawing methods of how to deal with unexpected and stressful situations in the future.

Works Cited

Kidd, Sue M. The Secret Life of Bees. New York: Penguin Books, 2002.