Beauty Commercial Should Be Change, Article Review Example

In the first paragraph, the writer makes the thesis statement clear, but the information leading up to the introduction of the thesis is bulky and detracts from the main point. The thesis statement is the last sentence of the first paragraph and reads, “Beauty commercials should stop false advertising and hire realistic models regardless of the beauty stereotypes in their campaign because they are giving many negative influences to teenagers”. However, the author is likely referring to the producers of beauty commercials rather than the commercials itself. It is important to rephrase this thesis to make it more effective, but it does emphasize the theme of the essay.

While the essay does present a solution, the author does not approach this aspect of the assignment in depth. It may be reasonable to discuss how using realistic models will benefit the nation’s youth more significantly or to propose additional solutions. Since only one solution is discussed, it is not possible to determine why his or hers is the best. Although the Dove campaign provides a good example of this solution in action, it would be useful to cite concrete results in addition to the brief discussion. The author has not demonstrated that he or she has considered the opposing viewpoints by presenting a counterargument. It would be useful to consider the financial reasons that companies use to justify their choice of models. The essay is well organized because each paragraph provides a point that ties into the thesis. The author does not incorporate a good balance of logos, pathos, and ethos, and should incorporate more ethos and pathos.

The writer should provide more evidence concerning the proposed solution. Furthermore, information from only four credible sources were used. When citations were included, they were attributed to the appropriate author. The author does a good job of backing up the quotes with his or her own ideas. However, no works cited page is present. The writer’s conclusion doesn’t convince me to take action because or she does not tell the reader how this problem is relevant to them. On the other hand, the writer did a good job at writing a thesis statement and providing information to back it up. The organization of the paper was its main weakness.